What is vanilla sex ?

A recent discussion on a blog here brought an interesting question to my mind - what is vanilla sex?

Penis-in-vagina missionary with lights out between husband and wife surely is vanilla. Pegging or spanking (not just an occasional slap) probably is not. Enemas definitely aren't.

Is anal sex vanilla? How about oral?

(I realize this may also depend on the locale and time period. Until a few decades ago, anal and oral sex were officially considered deviant and harmful and illegal in a large part of the US. So answers may need to say where one speaks from.)

Here’s a copy/paste of my reply from your question in my blog. It’s a great question

a cogent question. I’m sure it varies from individual to individual. For my purposes I’ll call it sex that does not have a pre-planned kink component, just a spontaneous smack on the ass while I’m cumming can still be vanilla but a ‘I’m going to spank you, lower your pants and bend over’ isn’t.

I think anal is vanilla now. It’s pretty mainstream. For me, I count spontaneous anal play/sex as vanilla vs as part of a larger kink session. For example: the session at New Years where I dressed up, wore a hood, was bound to a spreader bar and got my ass fucked was kink. This past Sunday when a back rub turned into my ass getting eaten and then fucked was vanilla (at least from my perspective).

So yeah, there’s an element of subjectivity.

@Nurse_Phillips Is anal so mainstream? It seems quite contentious.

@Jacana stats vary depending on the poll, but an average of 30% of Americans have tried/engage in heterosexual anal sex so, given that it's more than a quarter of people surveyed, I'd say it mainstream.

Great question, albeit I struggle to find its relevance outside of a couple.

We now have 50shades and such to thank about murking the waters...

In general I'd say that as long as each partner has no trouble talking to their best friend about it, it qualifies as vanilla. Thus I link the concept to micro-societal norms.

E.g. If you & your close friends are into bondage then a bit of rubber, spanking and bondage will be meh, i.e. vanilla. If your friends are all saving their virginity for marriage, pegging your one-night stand is scandalous.

@Nurse_Phillips And, right, an occasional slap on the rump when having doggy sex seems mainstream, but saying "young lady I'm going to spank you come across my lap" is kinky, though a mild form of it.

Regarding anal, sure it seems many have tried it. I suspect there is some influence of porn. Yet it seems contentious - I mean, some people talk about it as some kind of horror (not only from the point of view of morality, but because they assume it's dirty, degrading or painful).

@Xperience I was indeed shocked to hear some very mainstream and boring people mentioning 50 Shades.

It's rare for me to disagree, but I don't think anal is included in vanilla sex, even though more people are open to it (pun intended) than in the past. There are still a whole lot of people who consider it immoral or against their faith, disgusting and filthy, or are just sure it has to hurt, or is gay...

I will resist the obvious joke that it's moved from Dark Chocolate Fudge to plain old Chocolate, but it's still not Vanilla.

Same thing with spanking--not a slap or two on the butt but repeated slaps. More people are doing it, but it's still not vanilla, because even more people are not doing it, cannot understand the appeal, think it's immoral or abusive, yadda-yadda-yadda.

Luckily I like at least 31 Flavors.

So at what point does it become vanilla? Is oral sex vanilla? It was certainly considered filthy by earlier generations. Is a vibrator vanilla? Is doggy-style PIV sex vanilla?

@Nurse_Phillips Oh right, in my parents' generation oral (both ways) was filthy!

Most dictionaries (ok, 4 online ones I looked at) include ‘unconventional sexual practices’ in their definition of kinky.

So, if 30-50% (depending on the study) of adults aged 21-40 have engaged in a practice, is it unconventional?

Why limit it to ages 21-40? Sex is "legal" at 18, and from experience I know it persists at least through age 74... 😉

@Nurse_Phillips Many people have smoked weed, but would one call it "normal"? There is social stigma (and illegality).

So at what point does it become vanilla? Is oral sex vanilla? It was certainly considered filthy by earlier generations. Is a vibrator vanilla? Is doggy-style PIV sex vanilla?

For sure an interesting question !! - but who will judge about it in a serious manner ?? - when i only think about my parents -who lived in " another world ", decades ago, and so practising " vanilla sex ", there surely where no thougts about such " kinky possibilities ", what nowadays are up to date !!

And i don't like the word " normal " in this special context - for me that mean's only a possible programm regarding the washingmachine !!

So what, let all adult, like minded people - all over the world -, do what they want in their " sexual activities ", whitout thinking, if it is " vanilla ", or kinky " !!

@Nurse_Phillips Many people have smoked weed, but would one call it "normal"? There is social stigma (and illegality).

Yet it’s legal in some US states and in those states I would say, yes. It is normal. Not an apt comparison though because Anal isn’t illegal.

Why limit it to ages 21-40? Sex is "legal" at 18, and from experience I know it persists at least through age 74... 😉

The studies I found were limited to that age demographic. I’m trying to be accurate vs making things up.

@Nurse_Phillips But anal was illegal 40 years ago, right?

@Nurse_Phillips But anal was illegal 40 years ago, right?

And I’d say 40 years ago anal wasn’t vanilla. Tempi cambi

When I think about it. 40 years ago, in France, using a thermometer rectally on oneself was mainstream (in fact, mandatory in hospitals). However I suspect that using it on one's spouse would have been considered kinky, especially if there was a notion of fun involved.

I guess the same applies to enemas 50 years ago in the US. Normal if used for medical purposes, kinky if done for fun.

Talking of vanilla, there is a comics book called Fraise & chocolat, or "strawberry and chocolate". The former alludes to sex during periods, the latter to anal sex.

Anal isn’t illegal.

Maybe not any more, everywhere, but as recently as 2018 the Uniform Code of Military Justice (10 USC Chapter 47, enacted by Congress), said:

925. Art. 125. Sodomy

(a) Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense. (b) Any person found guilty of sodomy shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.

That article no longer exists in the 2024 version...

@intruder So it isn’t illegal.

Because something WAS illegal or considered ‘deviant’ doesn’t make it so now.

Being gay used to be both illegal and deviant. Would you consider being gay to be kinky in and of itself?

After a conversation with my husband, I will admit I’m likely an outlier on the bell curve of normal, 🤣but I still maintain something between a quarter and a half of the population do falls into the realm of ‘normal’, hence vanilla.

Something that was highly taboo and now normalized: sex toys for women.

(I think for males there is still a stigma.)

There are still anti sodomy laws on the books in 13 states, but cannot be enforced due to a supreme court ruling in 2003. Carry on vanilla peeps.

I asked my bil and i like his definition of vanilla sex. in and out no slappy and minimal happy.

What exactly is vanilla sex? To me it is what is satisfying and enjoyable between 2 people.

My husband loves for me to dress up, a long leg panty girdle, garter belt with fishnets, a wide brim hat and a thong, even a pair of bib overalls with me nude underneath. Vanilla?? Yes we have our positions, oral is part of it, we own and use the little red bag and some back door action comes into play. Vanilla? I think so.

It is our comfort level, boring to some I am sure.

Smothering yourself in ice cream 🤣

@Quietly123 Minimal happy?

So is sex that includes oral considered French Vanilla? 🤣

So is sex that includes oral considered French Vanilla? 🤣

@Nurse_Phillips

If so

Viva la France!