Stressfull heart exam help request

Hi there!

I want to share something that happened to me recently, and in the end.. I will let You decide for me, what I will do about it.

So I have been at cardiologist recently, for check up after irregular heart rate episode. It was not my first time at cardiologist in general and I knew what to expect becouse I have mitral valve prolapse diagnosis since I was a teen.. so no surprises for me... well, at least that's what I thought before I entered the room...

I have never been at that particular hospital before, so I did not knew anyone from the staff. I waited in the corridor till doctor called my name, just by reading doctor's name on the letter I was expecting some foreigner guy but I was deeply surprised to see.. Her. She was around 45 quite attractive but very formal.. She had distinct scientific approach on me from the start.. I never experienced anything like that before.. She said that she got my previous results and diagnosis and stated that she encountered similar cases only few times in her life long career, and that she has university background and friends there, doing ongoing research in this field and asked me for permission for sharing my case data with them for research purposes.. I agreed, and she seemed very interested in examining me. We started with filling forms with personal information etc. then she told me to undress (top) and sit on bench, so she can listen to my heart. It felt nice, she asked for deep breaths, exhales ets, then she stood up, and begun to explain my condition to me, on the heart model hanging on the wall, I stood up with her to get closer look at the model. I was familiar with my diagnosis so I partially ignored what she was saying untill....

She begun to explaing that we could do special test, at the university to check something with electric impulses around heart with special probe which they would insert throught my nose deep down my body... I have never heard of that before, and I knew it was completley unnecessery.. She mention that it could help with research and at that moment I felt that she is trying to normalize it, and get my consent to do this to me... I felt it sinking in.. The reality of that, they could really do this to me...It gave me quite intense panic attack which I tried to hide from her the best way I could at first, yet I quickly begun to give non verbal signs of distress but... She kept on going with describing the procedure!

I interrupted her, sat down on a chair and said that I have anxiety disorder and I felt stressed right now. I was feeling dizzy giving clear non verbal signs of anxiety, which she ignored and keep on talking, at this point I did not listened to her anymore, I was too focused on calming myself down.. I heard her keep talking but dont remamber what she was saying and at some point she asked If I will lay down so she could do usg of my heart.. I was glad she drop of that probe idea and told her "yes I am looking forward to lay down I dont feel so well now".

I felt relieved, usg was quite normal I jocked saying "Doctors use to say that Iam tight.." and after like 3 seconds I added "between the ribs I mean becouse its hard for them to take good pictures of my heart" she didint seem to understand or care for it, she was concentrated on oparating usg. At some point I calmed down and my heart rate got so low that she asked me to pretend that Iam cycling with my legs up so heart rate got higher. She took all the pictures she wanted, then she gave me towell to wipe off the gell, and she sat at the desk. She showed and described me the pictures, and asked for my permission to share it with university, I said its ok. Then she asked me to wrap my fingers around my wrist, I could easily do it, she told me that its not normal and asked me to stand up, so she can take messurements of my arms spread apart. I was quite exhausted at that point but she told me that she suspects I could have Marfan syndrome and she needs my blood sample. I told her that they suspected that in my teens as well but they rulled it out. She asked how they rulled it out and I did not remamber so i said I dont know. She just said "we are going to take a blood sample from You to rulle it out, nurse will do it i the next room, I will notify You on the results on mail"... I knew it was completly unnecesery, and that they will insert that needle in me just to satisfy her curiosity.. In that moment I felt really vulnerable and sumbissive and I quietly said "okay" and left the room with a note to nurse. I was quite drained and cooperative when I got there, I sat down at nurse's room, showed her the paper and my left arm, saying "nurses usually like this one" while pointing on big vine on my left arm's joint. She took a needle and inserted it wright where I pointed, she took that blood from me, and while I was walking away to the car I felt violated but also that I let them do this to me. It made me having mixed feelings.. and on the way home I begun to think how it would feel if.. I let them do this to me.. let them insert that probe deep in my body while knowing how unnecesery and uncomfortable it would be.. Just to let them use me for their research at university..

This thoughts were comming back to me along side with anxiety for few weeks now and I thought that I would like to let You decide about what shall I do about it.

If I shuld not let them experiment on me..

Or

if I shuld write an email to the doctor apologizing for my behavior and stating that I am giving my consent for probe exam and for further university study ?

Well its alot for me to take but I will follow Your will in this

I would have made for the door the minute “experiment” was mentioned.!!

Please don’t tell them that you agree to do the research procedure if it’s not something that you want to do. It wasn’t ethical of her to continue to try to convince you to do something when you were clearly panicking/under duress (a violation of non-maleficence/“do no harm”).

As you said, the bloodwork seemed to be purely about her curiosity and *not* about your wellbeing. That doesn’t bode well for the research; it doesn’t seem like she had your wellbeing in mind about the experiment. Even the mere *thought* of the procedure was enough to cause a panic attack, and it doesn’t sound like she mentioned there will be any benefits for you and your health if you do go through with it.

They cannot and should not do the procedure on you without your consent, and agreeing to something just because you think they want you to, especially if it’s unlikely to help you, isn’t consent. They can find other willing participants. You’ve already helped them with their research by allowing them to look at your case data and providing a blood sample.

You don’t owe them anything, and it sounds like it would risk great harm to your wellbeing if you allowed them to do what you seem to already know you don’t want to do.

I hope you will also talk about your options with your loved ones who know you well and can help you as you sort through your feelings about this. Sending best wishes.