Leaks, kinks and clogged holes

I have very practical questions.

I gave myself an enema using my rarely used enema bag (it happened I was alone at home, an unusual event).

I had to fight:

- pipe has a kind of kink blocking the flow

- nozzle unscrewing itself and leaking (maybe I should use Teflon tape?)

- possibly anus leaking

- clogged little holes at the end of the douche nozzle (maybe dipping it into the Vaseline was a bad idea?), which were very annoying to unclog

In short, some soapy water ended on the floor instead of in my tummy.

Any advice on this?