Who else really loves this and wants to find writing about it in detail? Spreading the labia open, informing the patient that their hood will need to be retracted for cleaning and examination... cleaning with baby wipes, possibly an alcohol prep pad (warning the patient first that it will sting "just a little" and that you do need to clean inside their hood), taking measurements, applying a clamp to measure blood flow, possibly if you were both really into pain using a blood sugar lancet to take a small blood sample-- pinching the stalk to stabilize, warning the patient or possibly restraining them, then swiping with alcohol and using the lancet to quickly prick the very most sensitive part. You could even do a blood spot screening that requires multiple drops, meaning you'd need to clean, lance, wipe the first drop away, and then use a cotton swab or paper strip to absorb 3-5 drops. Perhaps you'd need to milk it a little. Maybe even prick a second time. If that's too painful, dry cotton swabs or small plastic applicators could be used for tissue sampling. Once the doctor has everything they need, the test results would of course show something they'll need to treat. Typically, this would be underperfusion, and it could be treated with vacuum, clamping, and/or topical treatment. You're not supposed to do this, but both triple antibiotic ointment and monistat itch and burn quite a bit. You could use warming lube, toothpaste, or ginger as well. Imagine being examined, cleaned, a painful blood sample taken, and then told that you'll need to have something that itches and burns applied and lie still while it works. Possibly multiple times a day after that, you'd be called in at home, opened up, cleaned, and a clamp, suction, or irritant-- or all three-- would be applied and you'd have to lie still without touching for twenty minutes, maybe up to an hour. Weekly rechecks at the doctor's would include repeat tissue sampling and/or blood spot screening.