Spanking
When I was about nine years old, I had always had a crush on my friend's mom who was a beautiful blonde with big, beautiful, brown eyes.
One day, I was at my friend's house for the afternoon. My friend's little brother was teasing and being a jerk, trying to get in the middle of our afternoon. Finally, my friend punched his little brother who went crying to their mom. A few minutes later, their mom with the big, beautiful, brown eyes and the blonde hair, entered the family room, held a brief courtroom to determine the facts, and then passed judgment. My friend, not his teasing brother, was found guilty of not acting with more maturity because he was three years older and violating the family rule of no hitting, punching, or biting a sibling.
The penalty of a spanking was set and carried out post haste. My friend was frog marched out of the family room and down to the master bedroom with his cries of innocence ringing in the hallway. Two minutes later, the smacking sounds of a spanking on the bare bottom were ringing in the hallway where I was standing so I could hear the proceedings. Immediately, my friend's crying accompanied the smacking sounds.
As his pleas for clemency fell on deaf ears and the smacking and crying sounds filled my ears, a warmth filled my loins and bottom as I pictured her pulling down my pants and then my underwear and then being placed across her lovely lap. I could feel the cool breeze on my bare bottom. I could feel my heart beating faster with the anticipation of the first smack and the pain. I didn't care about the pain because it was her beautiful bare hand that was administering the pain on my bare bottom.
It was a vivid fantasy, especially for a nine-year-old boy.
“What are you doing?” came a voice from behind me.
I turned to find my friend’s younger brother staring at me.
“Oh, uh, I’m, uh, um. Nothing,” I stammered.
I could feel the heat in my cheeks and knew my embarrassment was showing on my face, but I doubt he noticed. I’m sure the little snitch knew I was eavesdropping on the spanking proceedings—just as he was doing!! But I didn’t want to admit that. Nor did I want to admit that I was fantasizing about having his beautiful, blonde, brown-eyed mom giving me a spanking.
In hindsight, I should have smacked the little brother for his impertinence in asking me—a guest—what I was doing because then when he went crying to mommy, I could have said to her that I deserved a spanking for hitting him and would she please administer it, but maybe go just a little bit lighter… because of my being a guest.
I think that was a missed opportunity.
Medical
After one of my spine surgeries, I was in the hospital for four days. Next to my bed I noticed some accordion-style “sickness” bags for when the patient has to vomit and can’t make it to or doesn’t want to use the toilet as a vomit receptable. The bags had an opening that measured 6.5 inches (16.5 cm) in diameter with a length of 15 inches (38.1 cm).
On my last evening in the hospital around 7:00pm, the two female nurses who had attended to me for the past three days, entered the room for the shift-change review. As they were leaving, I held one of the sickness bags up and expanded it out to its full 6.5- x 15-inch size. Both nurses looked over as I held the bag out on display.
“Finally,” I declared, “a condom that fits!”
They glanced at each other without any hint of a smile and with a look that said, “Can you believe he actually said that?” Although I thought it was a perfectly acceptable joke given that we were in a medical setting in a medical facility, I felt embarrassed because of their response, or lack thereof.
Apparently, they had recently gone through “sexual harassment sensitivity” training regarding appropriate things to say and not say while on the job and they had been told that if an employee says something inappropriate in a group setting that they should not encourage the behavior with laughter, but instead they should ignore the behavior.
So, they felt my joke was inappropriate. However, that training applies to employees who need to be careful not to offend other employees or patients while working so the hospital doesn’t have to deal with a sexual-harassment lawsuit.
But hey, it does NOT apply to patients who did not attend the employee training. And the employees are not going to bring a lawsuit against the hospital if a patient cracks a joke like that. And it was a joke because obviously I don’t have a willy that is 6.5 inches (16.5 cm) in diameter with a length of 15 inches (38.1 cm). My shlong is only 6.0 inches (165.2 cm) in diameter with a length of 14.5 inches (36.8 cm) so I was clearly joking.