Spanking after a long break

This is a question for people who had regularly been spanked for discipline and pleasure but then had a long break (a year or more) with no spanking which was then resumed, maybe with a new partner. I am interested to know how your perception of spankings changed? Did not being spanked for a long while change your pain tolerance and/or psychological or physical reactions?

Had pause for nearly 5 months

Psychologically there is nothing changed - the same mix of "Finally!" and "Why the hell I asked for this insufferable pain again?"

Pain tolerance clearly decreased, but not to the "break-in" level, when I used my stop-word the first and the last time. Interesting, that somehow decreased only butt tolerance - tolerance to hits to the back or to crotch did not changed. May be kind of psychosomatics, dunno

Physical reaction also changed - it was nearly impossible to maintain position and not wriggling around, unlike when spanking was more-or-less regular activity

@strider382 did the person spanking you change and did you get the same out of spanking emotionally (post spanking, not during) as you did before?

@Patientlywaiting The same person, the same tool (wide leather belt), about the same intensity. Post emotions... Much bigger relief when it finally ended, and bigger gratitude to the Master who did the spanking (I mean for making me better by punishment). And also longer time before "Fuck, I want more!" thoughts appeared - about a day and a half instead of few hours

@strider382 It will be a very different situation for me, my husband always spanked me and he passed away a year ago so if I'm ever spanked again, it will be by a totally different person. I'm seriously craving it but also thinking about how it will be.

I went about three years with out being spanked as a result of the Covid pandemic. The "spankings" I get are actually pretty hard canings so when I'd arranged my first post-pandemic punishment date, I was quite apprehensive. As I've said in other posts, I am not a masochist and I don't like pain - but, for me, a proper beating has to hurt a lot. And I also knew from experience that if I haven't been punished for a while, it's easy to forget how much it actually does hurt. That first stroke can be a really nasty shock.

However, once I'd managed to get "into the zone" after the first few strokes had landed, my tolerance was pretty much as it had been previously. Certainly my bottom showed it had been a sound punishment.

Maybe it's like some skills where once you've got the experience and knowledge, it all comes back naturally even after a long break!

@charles_uk Was it with a new person or the same person that caned you before? I've only had a cane used on me for fun. Rather you than me!

@Patientlywaiting - the cane used properly certainly isn't fun! It's not easy to explain exactly what I get out of it and, usually, any attempt to explain results in further confusion. But it pushes certain buttons and is a need I have that needs to be addressed from time to time.

It was from a new punisher. After such a long gap, my previous disciplinarian's circumstances had changed so I had to find someone else.

A new punisher presents its own issues but I don't think they're really that much different if it's a short time after another spanker or a longer gap. It's a case of striking up a new relationship and building trust from scratch. What one person considers a hard punishment, another might think of as being moderate. If you know your spanker and they know you, there's an understanding of limits and boundaries. That's not there the first time someone new is dealing with you. Are they holding back because they aren't sure what you can take, or is it that the punishments I've taken previously really aren't that hard? And, ultimately, it's about trusting someone I don't know at all well initially. I always talk a lot with a new spanker first to build up a degree of understanding but nothing can fully prepare for that first meeting.

And it's also about the chemistry. Sometimes it just doesn't work for me. I might get a feeling during the initial chats or it might be that there's something not quite there when we do meet.

But, despite all that, I do need to be dealt with from time to time and sometimes that means just jumping in and going for it.

As a follow up to my previous post, I hadn't been properly disciplined since January. Neither of my regular disciplinarians are currently available so today I met up with someone I had been talking to on and off for a while on Fetlife.

As I said, with a new punisher it's about building things up from scratch and there's always the concern that their idea of hard is rather different from mine. My normal fear is that I talk up that I can take a hard thrashing and then find that it's too much for me to take!

But there's the other side of the coin too: where the punisher thinks a lot of stingy taps with a small cane is a genuinely hard punishment! And that's what has just happened. Yes, it stung and hurt but it was a massive let down. The colours on my bottom were very vivid immediately afterwards but now, just an hour and a half later, little more than a bit of redness with one small area which might bruise a little.

Maybe next time, after a bit of talk, it might be different but the whole dynamic didn't work for me so I'll put it down to experience and move on.

Yes I find I difficult to find the right disciplinary.when I was very young my brothers gf would discipline me and she knew how to discipline a young man for sure beyond her only my one cousin knows how to discipline me properly but she is a couple thousand miles away so

In my case, I stopped receiving spankings for about 3 or 4 months. To be honest, it was a dark period. I'll have to explain this a little better. I'm submissive, but he has been my only sexual partner in my life. At first, it was difficult for me to understand, so after only 6 months fully immersed in the D/s dynamic, I decided I didn't agree with it, and everything stopped. This made our relationship strange; it stopped working because my husband felt frustrated being a dominant without a submissive, and I felt lost, without guidance or support. I stopped asking permission for things I always used to ask permission for. We started having endless arguments without ever reaching agreements. Until we almost separated. Our sexual frequency also decreased significantly.

I always knew that my husband would respect my decision and wouldn't touch me in that way unless I asked him to. The problem was that he didn't leave much room for negotiation. It was all or nothing. I either submitted to his rules or we tried the relationship from a different perspective, but he didn't allow for any middle ground, which is what I wanted. Long story short, in the end, I gave in, and he gave in too. At one point, when we were having a terrible argument about something I had done, a silly thing around the house, I asked him to stop arguing and spank me. It was terrible; I cried a lot, I don't know if it was because of the spankings, which hurt more than I remembered them hurting, or because while he was spanking me, I felt defeated. On the other hand, I felt peace, a profound peace and serenity. They were such contradictory feelings in the same space and moment.

The good thing was that he forced me to talk about it. After I calmed down, he agreed to slow down with this dominance/submission thing, and I was able to tell him for the first time how exhausting it had been for me to make decisions that he always made, and well, dealing with guilt was a whole issue in my case. Furthermore, this negotiation gave me the space to do some more research. We established that we should try things out and talk about what I liked and didn't like. We created a space for me to process things, and above all, I was able to explore and set some boundaries. Now, 15 years later, we have a relationship that works very well, but at the beginning, everything was turbulent.

Since I think I'm one of the few people who has only had one sexual partner in my life, in this kind of environment, I don't know if my answer will be of any use to you.

Utterly fascinating account, @AilenDe. I'm so happy for you that you two persevered through those times and that it worked out for you in the end!

@AilenDe thanks for sharing that, it's beautiful how you worked that out together. I don't know how it will be for me, my husband was the only person aside from my parents to ever spank me, he died so from time to time I think about how it would be if someone else was to spank me but especially how I would begin to explain the needs that I have.

@Patientlywaiting, It must be difficult for you. In my case, my parents never even spanked me. I can't imagine how hard it would be for me if I were in your position. I think it's important to talk things through. To understand each other's needs. That's why I think being a good dominant is an exhausting job, because the pleasure, or the behavior, every aspect or some aspect of the submissive's life is in their hands; you place them in their hands for them to manage. For me, it's so easy to be submissive, because being submissive gives me peace. In the end, the responsibility for everything rests with my husband, not me. But how do you negotiate that in a relationship? I was only 18 years old; my husband practically finished raising me. I'm his little girl, even though he's only 9 years older than me.

@AilenDe I know exactly what you mean. My husband was 21 years older than me and died suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain hemorrhage. He took on everything and managed all the finances. I had a budget for personal spending and just did the cooking, cleaning, shopping and looked after the kids. When he died, I had to learn everything, I didn't know how to budget for bills or set up direct debits so it's been a massive learning curve. I think he'd be proud of me though.

I'm sure he would be proud of you @Patientlywaiting . Not an easy thing to do to suddenly have to take the reins and do everything yourself, especially after doing only the domestic side of things. Not that I am belittling that. It is full time work looking after a husband and kids. He would be proud.

@Patientlywaiting I've never been spanked but I can completely relate as a widow and have this concern about every aspect of sex with a new partner. I recently went on a few dates with a guy that seems promising but he has been SO SLOW to even bring up the topic of sex or even kiss me.

I did go on a few sex dates for something more casual and it was awful. My late husband was not the only sex partner I had but he was the only one I enjoyed sex with. Before him sex was a chore and something I didn't enjoy. I always wonder how I'll feel with someone else.

Sending hugs and solidarity. My DMs are always open if you ever want to commiserate ❤️❤️❤️

Perhaps you should have taken the lead @Vzia ? Some guys are a bit slow on the uptake.

Good luck in the future.

I had only been spanked about a dozen times by various male spankers in my past until I met my master quite out of the blue. He suggested that I should be disciplined for failing to solve a couple of his domestic problems. A CMNM relationship started 2 years ago with regular meetings. I’m sent to the bedroom and made to undress completely under instruction. After a lengthy visual examination with me standing before him my genitals are given a prolonged caressing fondling teasing edging but denying me ejaculation.

I’m then made to go on all fours on his bed bottom raised for a spanking with a number of different implements until my bottom is red and tender. During the spanking further genital handling takes place with anal attention. When he is satisfied I have to lay face up while he calms and consoles mr with further genital caresses.

Although he spanks me to higher levels of discomfort than I previously encountered he is very skilful recognising my pain with gentle caresses.

The whole pleasure/pain scenario has made me bond with him like no other before despite the more painful attention to my bottom.

I’m guessing that meeting my master after several years without discipline and his controlling and skillful but caring attention has put me in a place I never imagined previously!

I had an almost 2 years long break from otherwise fairly active kinky life with regular play (at least once a month).

I do not think there was any significant change. Of course, there was usual excitement and apprehension related to playing with a new person. But I cannot recall any significant changes in how spanking felt. Maybe with exception of huge satisfaction from having my kinky needs finally fulfilled.

I would have no idea as I have never since maybe 4 or 5 years old gone longer than a month without an otk bare bottom spanking so far as I can remember....even into adulthood. However during latter part of four pregnancies, it was more playful than intense. Denise