Honest question to trans members. Who was the hardest person to come out to as trans?

This question is mainly for those who are already out and have told friends and family. Who was the hardest person to come out to as trans? Were you surprised that they did accept you for you, were you disappointed they didn't, or did they eventually come around later? I guess a follow-up would be who was the easiest to come out to? If this is triggering for you, I am sorry. It's just that I still have not come out to any friends or family, and honestly am afraid to. I was thinking that hearing others' stories might help me build the courage to finally tell my family and maybe accept that they may or may not accept me. If you could, could you explain how you felt in that moment when you finally came out? Was it liberating, or did you regret even saying anything? Don't sugarcoat anything since false assurance is not always a good thing, in my opinion.

BTW, the person I have the hardest time coming out to is my mother. She still sees me as her son and holds those strong traditional masculine values of what men should be. I've been transitioning for a year and have been taking hormones since then. It's getting really hard to hide my chest with my small breasts poking out, and getting really tired of using the cover that I was working out my chest a lot. If I finally told my mother, I'd be afraid she may not view me in a good light ever again, since she's the only parent I have left, as my father passed away.

I hope the parent of a trans person is welcome here.

Our F2M daughter had the hardest time with her father, my husband. I ran interference a lot in the early days. He simply could not understand her need to live as the gender she was in her brain.

Unlike a lot of fathers, he continued to love and support her, but he didn't like the change. She is part of a larger community of trans women around her own age and hardly any maintain contact with their fathers. More are still part of their mothers' lives, and even more are accepted by siblings. It does appear than younger people are more open to trans people than their parents.

It's been about a decade now, and we recently visited her--and there wasn't a single pronoun slip, even when anyone referred to life before her transition. I can't read my husband's mind, but I think he thinks of her as female now.

And she's still the same person she's always been, smart and funny and independent.

@PinotNoir

Parents stories and other family or friends stories are welcome.

I'm happy things turned out great with you, your husband and your daughter. Thank you for sharing your story.

This is a very good question, I myself will need to come out as transgender soon. I'm certainly interested in others post. I agree that younger people probably are more open vs older. I think mothers are more open minded and understanding than fathers.

I hope the parent of a trans person is welcome here.]

I think your post belongs here. Thanks for sharing.

@PinotNoir

Parents stories and other family or friends stories are welcome.

I'm happy things turned out great with you, your husband and your daughter. Thank you for sharing your story.

Parents stories and other family or friends stories are welcome.

I agree 100%.

Edit--where is my brain? Our daughter is M2F. Sorry for the confusion.

Edit--where is my brain? Our daughter is M2F. Sorry for the confusion.

No need to be sorry, humans make mistakes. At least we know that your not a robot or a computer over the mistake. Lol. I don't believe the mistake made any difference of FtM or MtF. Thank you for sharing your post.

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Following as I figure out what to write.

There's no clock on you. Take all the time you like to form your thoughts. (You don't want to mess up like I did, after all.)

My mother was the hardest person to come out to. I live in the USA and she lived in the Netherlands, I wanted to tell her in person so I visited her with a two weeks vacation.

I carried both male and female clothing in my suitcase, was dressed in male mode, but I did dress a few times to show her the new me.

Next to this, I thought coming out to my two granddaughters was the next hardest. But the first and only thing they really wanted to know is what color nail polish I liked. 😘

In general--with some pretty freakin' scary exceptions--young people seem more open to trans individuals. There may be a moment of staring, even a double-take, then they see the person is what they are, are okay with it, and go about their business.

Our daughter is pretty reclusive after too many of the scary types, but when we're with her in a public place she feels safe. I find it interesting to see who notices her and how they react. The typical "Oh. So what?" response of most young people gives me hope.

Ever had to come out to people where you work or go to school?

The typical "Oh. So what?" response of most young people gives me hope.

But what about the people with true power, legislative power, to enact laws that are insulting, degrading, restrictive and downright hateful towards trans people? That is not hopeful at all. And it is the way that society in general will evolve in the future I fear.

Indeed, that is not hopeful at all. It's frightening.

I presumed we were not welcome to discuss politics here, but I will not vote for anyone who wishes our daughter had no civil rights. Like Harry Bosch (a fictional detective series written by Michael Connelly and played on Amazon Prime by Titus Welliver) says, "Either everybody counts, or nobody counts."

I presumed we were not welcome to discuss politics here, but I will not vote for anyone who wishes our daughter had no civil rights. Like Harry Bosch (a fictional detective series written by Michael Connelly and played on Amazon Prime by Titus Welliver) says, "Either everybody counts, or nobody counts."

This question about how trans people are treated goes beyond mere politics. It is about the basic ethics of good or evil, hate or understanding. It is a basic, fundamental matter of how society is supposed to function.

I had a good friend and colleague at work who transitioned in his fifties. It was difficult with his ex wife, but his daughters were supportive. At work, there were those who smirked, those who pretended, and those who were truly supportive. She and I had a conversation about the conflicts - it’s complicated when one persons rights conflict with another persons rights, and vice versa. There’s no easy solution.

Myself, beacuse it took divine intervention to get me to decide to start estrogen.

After that I just started living my truth.

I celebrate that you're able to live as your true self.

My answer is family. I just had my very uncomfortable "COMING OUT" experience with family. I was going to wait until after the holidays because I was sure what the outcome was going to be and unfortunately was right.

It started by my brother asking why my breast where so large in front of everyone. I thought this was the opportunity to "COME OUT AS TRANSGENDER" to the whole family at one time.

I never been as uncomfortable in my life as to then. I shared my inner feelings and thoughts and my MtF journey that I had already started. During all my sharing, no one would look at me directly. It was even more uncomfortable.

After sharing and seeing there expressions, there was no discussion or questions. I decided to leave because I felt overwhelmed being that uncomfortable. I still haven't received any phone calls or texts from anyone.

I knew deeply in my heart what the outcome would be. IT'S MY LIFE, MY INNER FEELINGS, MY TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF. I'm staying strong by moving forward on my journey with or without my family.

I haven't told any of my few friends yet, doing that today. They are going to accept it or not. Unfortunately this isn't the outcome that I want. It's what I truly believe to become my TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF.

Liz, I'm so sorry your family didn't react well. As I recall it, the news was quite a shock, so it's possible some of them may come around once they've had a time to process that who they thought you were for all these years is not the truth of who you really are. In my experience, female relatives and younger ones will be first to understand--if anyone does.

You did right to leave. Self-protection, including your feelings, comes first, always.

If your family remains unaccepting because you don't fit into their preconceived notions, I urge you to *make* a family of people who do. Found family is real, and kind, and accepts everyone for who they are. Our daughter has such a group, lives with four of them at the moment but is not romantically attached to any of them. They're just family, and I'm glad she's able to give these trans women a safe place to be.

As far as today's task, sharing with your friends, imagine me and many of your other allies here, standing right next to you. Maybe we're holding your hand, or giving your shoulder an encouraging squeeze. You can do this, even though it's scary, and if they don't like it, well, pardon my language, but fuck people who were not truly friends after all.

And I am so proud of you for recognizing that the only way to go through your own damned life is to stop pretending to be someone else and to be who you really are. Is she perfect? Nope. But who is? Is she good enough? Hell, yes, and we actually like her.

PinotNoir, THANK YOU so much for your kind words and encouragement. I agree 100% of your post. It's only been two days ago since coming out to family. Time will tell whatever happens.

I did come out today to my few friends that seemed to be all accepting. My closest friend's actually said they suspected it. And asked many supportive questions. That made the big difference in the uncomfortable situation.

Coming out has been the most uncomfortable, hardest thing I've ever had to do. A big weight has been lifted off my shoulders the past few days. I'm not going backwards regardless being accepted or not. I'm moving full steam ahead towards my TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF JOURNEY.

My emotions are scared a little bit, however my mental and physical health is probably stronger than ever. Time will heal the emotional scars, believing all will be well in the future. I want to THANK everyone that has encouraged me here on Zity, I'm very grateful and greatly appreciate it. Love, TG-Liz

In nursing I have treated countless trans patients, my best friends partner is trans, I have friends with trans kids and I will always be by each one of their sides to fight for their rights to live peacefully as the person they are.

I am a proud member of “free mum hugs” (“free mom hugs” in the US), a support network who love unconditionally and want the LGBTQIA+ community to know that they are fully accepted and loved for who they are. Especially those who have had loved ones who didn’t find it easy to accept them.

Almost unanimously, the people I know have said that their parents were the hardest to come out to, followed closely by their friends and extended family. I think that the fear of “what if” their loved ones don’t accept them is sometimes so incredibly anxiety inducing that they just can’t find the courage to share.

It is true that in general younger people are more accepting, but it’s still pretty scary out there. I feel that the human race is so deeply flawed by its need to ostracise and discredit anyone or anything they don’t feel fits their view of “normal”. Thinking back to when one of my daughters friends came out to her in their early teens, I still remember the tears of joy I witnessed on her friends face when my daughter threw her arms around her friend and told her she accepted her for who she is. From the observation of them talking across the park alone, I could see the fear disappear from her friends’ face and elation set in.

From the “parents perspective”, my friend, who’s daughter came out as trans, immediately knew that it never changed any love she felt for her child, or any pride she felt for the person her child was becoming, but it did make her question whether she had “missed the signs” or “could have helped sooner” or “could have done anything to make her feel safer to say something sooner.” It took some time for her to understand that everything happens when it is meant to, and all that matters is that you try your best - whether coming out, or being come out to.

@TG-Liz, I realise these words are from a random stranger on the internet, but, I’m so proud of you. While right now may be tough, the first step to happiness is admitting that you have the right to be happy. By your courage of telling your loved ones who you are, that is an example of you allowing yourself to thrive as the person you are. Big love ❤️

Please remind yourself that you have known your gender may not match what you were previously assigned for a long time, but to your loved ones it is new. Taking time to process isn’t necessarily a sign that they don’t accept it, it’s just different to them, and sometimes different takes some time to become normal.

Big love to you all, and everyone else who has ever questioned their identity, or been close to someone who has.

For sure, a very ticklish thema in our progressive world !! - i can't even imagine, how difficult it must be, " to open the door " for the other member's of the family !! - i would thought, maybe it will be more simple, to talk about with stranger's about this !!

So many thanks for all of you, to talk about it here in this forum !! - please excuse my bad english language, but it is based of learning at school, decades ago !! - hopefully my words makes sense !!

Kindly regards to all of you !!

Oh, that's good news about your friends, Liz. Clearly you've got genuine friendships, which not everyone can say.

To all the members that pushed the like button and posters on this topic, I'm overwhelmed with the support and encouraging post. My mind and soul have been deeply touched.

I have a couple of tears running down my face now. They are HAPPY TEARS from my great appreciation for all the support and encouragement. How can I not have the strength to keep moving forward with all this support and encouragement?????

My mind and soul is telling me I'm even stronger, keep moving forward day by day. I have loving people that accept and support me. I WILL NOT STOP BEING WHO I AM!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! Love and hugs, TG-LIZ

In these often hateful times, trans people deserve being shown that not everyone is in agreement with how they are being demonized and inaccurately portrayed by some groups in society.

This is showing simple courtesy, politeness and understanding.

And in further good news for trans, genderqueer, LGBTQA+ and other fine people, a nice little news story in the fabled Texas Observer. It caught my eye earlier today because I once lived in Austin and very much enjoyed swimming at Barton Springs. It was free back then.

https://www.texasobserver.org/protect-trans-joy-barton-springs/

PinotNoir, thanks for sharing the news paper article. This is definitely an awesome encouragement to the community. Hopefully this can help educate people about the community being real people. Love TG-LIZ.