Chatting or Cheating

For those of you who chat online--question--does your spouse know you do?--at what point does it become cheating? or is it cheating at all? if online play--just the chat--sext--voice--cam?--would love to know peoples opinions on the topic

If you’re engaging in sexual chat and your spouse doesn’t know nor have they given you blanket permission to do so then it’s cheating. If there’s deception either through omission or commission, it’s cheating. If you know your spouse would get upset were they to find out, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it, it’s cheating.

Stop trying to rationalize bad behavior

When online chatting first became a thing, my wife and I discussed it, and agreed as long as it remained online and anonymous, we were comfortable with it. However, any closer than that, personal email, telephone, meeting in person, was not okay. We have not discussed it again since, but I am sure she is still comfortable with those parameters.

Not trying to justify it at all--asking where peoples boundaries lay--so using the --hide it thing--what about porn--is getting off to porn ( video/ pics) solo--without telling spose cheating ?

Yeah @Nurse_Phillips is right. It’s cheating and if it ain’t cheating then tell ‘em… but of course they won’t tell ‘em because it’s…. cheating.

@ontariobob61 my stop justifying comment was general, not directed at you or any one person.

Is watching porn? No because there’s no other person you’re engaging or interacting with. That being said, if you have to hide it from your spouse, you’re being dishonest but you’re not cheating.

There is also the question of simple internalized fantasizing. Sexual daydreaming. How does one go about that?

I know from doctrine that for many Christians, just wishing for/thinking about sexual activity is considered sinful. The lust in your heart thing. Which makes things pretty stressful to be honest.

if it ain’t cheating then tell ‘em… but of course they won’t tell ‘em because it’s…. cheating.

Don't forget that not everyone has been brought up to be forgiving about human nature. Western culture comes from a historical Christian culture wherein thinking lustful thoughts is considered virtually the same as committing them in real life.

This makes things very complicated, especially when spouses feel obligated to be outraged at otherwise normal activity such as for instance sex talk, private masturbation, looking at sexual imagery, reading sexual content etc ...

You could almost say that society is set up to expressly make people prisoners of their own minds and even that is considered sinful/objectionable in some instances. And one can also say that being jealous is encouraged and considered the only correct response.

Nurse Phillips, thank you for your very clear insights regarding cheating. I think a lot of people that are members of zity are "cheating" to some extent and agracier is right that according to Christian teachings, most anything going on in here is cheating to some extent. Denise

@ontariobob61 would that be something for you and you alone to decide for yourself? If you feel like it is cheating then it is cheating and you do not need to be told, or maybe the better word is judged by others as to what their views of cheating are. You are the one who has to live with yourself and what you do or do not do ultimately is your responsibility and your choice and your consequences.

Chatting is good in my view. Cheating is when it gets sexual either in person or online. It is up to the individual how they proceed and of course they may have to take the consequences from their actions.

Doing something you don’t want your SO to know you’re doing is an indiscretion, and if it is sexual in nature then it’s cheating. I cheat by being on Zity, chatting, watching lesbian porn (I like women!). Do I feel guilty? No. But I do it behind BA’s back and I don’t share or want her to know I do it. I just accept that I do it and am ok with myself and our relationship

Some argue there’s “levels” of cheating. Some are worse or less harmful. It’s still cheating.

There is also the question of simple internalized fantasizing. Sexual daydreaming. How does one go about that?

I know from doctrine that for many Christians, just wishing for/thinking about sexual activity is considered sinful. The lust in your heart thing. Which makes things pretty stressful to be honest.

I always thought that was pretty dumb. I didn’t endear myself to the nuns expressing my opinions on that 🤣

I don’t consider that cheating as no one else is involved. I remember way back in my Catholic School days, mortal sin required intent, so making the decision to sin, even if you changed your mind after, was still a sin. If you went through with it, it was a twofer, the intent and then the action.

I decided the game was rigged and I wasn’t going to play.

I remember way back in my Catholic School days, mortal sin required intent, so making the decision to sin, even if you changed your mind after, was still a sin. If you went through with it, it was a twofer, the intent and then the action.

They got you coming and going ... that also comes from people who lead too much of a contemplative life. You know, like the Saint Anthony in the Desert being plagued by all manner of succubi and incubi thing ... which by the way was a real favorite subject for painters back in the day. I've seen some great/ghastly (?) paintings in Spain, beautifully detailed. But then you have to wonder: the artist painted it in detail, naked demons included. But if he thought about them, wasn't that a sin too? ... ha ha

My girlfriend knows that i chat here often and i do not try to hide it because i am doing nothing wrong therefore i am not cheating but some of the girls in here make me want to lol