Workarounds for loss of virginity?

In certain cultures (until not so long in Western Christian nations, still today in some Christian families, in the Muslim world…) the loss of vaginal virginity is a big thing, which is to be reserved for marriage. It is traditionally associated with the rupture of the hymen (I'm quite conscious that some women have a broken or lax hymen while still virgins; that's not the topic here, I'm discussing traditional perception).

Thus many women find "workarounds" to have sexual activities while eschewing vaginal sex. Or they may have vaginal sex but find ways to hide it.

Did it happen for you? What did you do instead of vaginal sex? What did you do to claim still being a virgin while it was no longer the case?

I didn't work around, technically remaining a virgin while also enjoying some form of sex. I just stayed a virgin until I didn't.

I did, however, know young women who very much enjoyed manual play and two who liked anal sex, "saving themselves" for marriage. It seemed pretty silly to me, violating the spirit of the rule they purportedly believed in. Oddly, I didn't know any women who received oral sex before marriage. In those days, lots of guys thought it was gross to give (but fine to receive), didn't know how to do it, had no idea where the clitoris is, or (and this is the biggie) felt little or no obligation to bring their female partner pleasure.

To hear some young women talk, that hasn't changed as much as it should have.

I wasn't worried, I am sure from my own experimentation and use douche bulb hymen long since stretched before it would be a barometer of my virginity

I wasn’t worried either. I valued my firsts, but they weren’t as significant to me as they were to other women.

Most of my friends would joke about “Catholic contraception” (anal), or other silly names for “virginity saving” but none of them engaged in activity if they really wanted to “stay a virgin.”

I do have friends who were abstinent until marriage, but their value was to not engage in the activity rather than find a loop hole to fuck away while pretending they’re a delicate untouched flower…

The stories I’ve read online of some of the methods people have used are interesting, and I remember when I was a teen I read about what the person posting about it claimed to be the Mormon behaviour of “soaking”.

Where Mormon vulva owner lays there with Mormon penis owner erect inside her and their friends jump on the bed until he ejaculates in her… I found it extremely hot to read…

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I heard friends say, "She's a virgin from the neck down," meaning she was willing to do a blow job on a guy, but guys would not get access to her lower holes.

When my wife and I got married in 1979, we were both virgins in every way. No work arounds.

That is probably considered weird by many people, but it worked for us.

To each their own . . . . We don't judge others who think differently and we hope others don't judge anybody for doing things their own way.

We have a lot of kinky things on Zity and I believe most members are pretty good about accepting people for who they are and for how they think and for what they like and don't like.

From recent posts:

Some folks are into rimming and some aren't. To each their own.

Some folks like French kissing after doing oral sex and some don't. To each their own.

Some folks are willing to masturbate in front of others and some aren't. To each their own.

Some folks will expel in front of others (after an enema) and some won't. To each their own.

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Your question is pretty specific to girls who had some notion of wanting to preserve virginity for religious/cultural reasons but still wanted sex. That wasn't the case for me. I did 'work-arounds' for a while as a teen because I personally wasn't ready for sex, but it had nothing to do with religion or culture (at least overtly, that's the thing about culture, it shapes your thinking beneath your awareness) and more to do with getting him off (and me too) without letting him put it in me. Women find out early that getting him off is a great way to stop the pressure of him wanting to fuck.

I was almost 14 when I had my first sexual encounter. No we didn't have intercourse, but we did more than just kissing. He was 17, maybe 18? He was a senior, I was a freshman. I liked sexual play so I was more than happy to try new things. I gave him handjobs and a little later blowjobs. After a few months he wanted to put it in me and we tried but it hurt so much I made him stop. We did the 'rub on the outside' thing and the 'I put my legs together and he gets off by thrusting between my thighs' thing. The guy I dated after him was pretty much the same. The second boyfriend suggested we try anal and that was a no-go. At least as painful as him trying to put it in my vagina so no. BF after that we finally had sex. There was a little bit of pain but no blood. I was 16. I eventually married him, but we 'took breaks' where we saw other people before then and while I never had intercourse with other guys during those breaks, I did about everything else (except anal). Not because of religious scruples or anything, but because I didn't want to fuck them. Well, one I wanted to but he had scruples (he was a teacher). On one of our 'get back together' moments, the BF got me pregnant and we married. I was 100% faithful during our marriage (not even any kissing) and after our divorce, if I felt attracted enough to be sexual with a man, we did it all, there was no more the 'you can't put it in me but you can do...' stuff. I generally had a 3 date rule, if there wasn't enough chemistry by date 3 for me to want to fuck him, we didn't and I broke it off.

@Nurse_Phillips You bring in an interesting and additional angle: how about girls who want to play but feel like they aren't ready for sex for psychological or physical reasons? A girlfriend of mine was like this - she felt terror at the prospect of penis-in-vagina penetration. She wanted to try a few times but since she tensed and really looked miserable I just could not go on (and lost my erection). We instead engaged in mutual masturbation and oral sex — interestingly, she was fond of vaginal penetration with fingers, and her hymen felt very relaxed, so the problem with the penis was only psychological, perhaps related to fear of pregnancy despite the condom.

But you're right I originally thought about girls or women who had religious/cultural reasons. Now, I may bring a nuance to what you said. You said "still wanted sex", and then there's the question of what it means to "want sex". In many cases, I guess it's more like "want to please their boyfriend".

Did it happen for you? What did you do instead of vaginal sex? What did you do to claim still being a virgin while it was no longer the case?

For me my loss of my virginity had nothing to do at all with penis in vagina sexual intercourse. I explored my body and that of my boyfriend(s) out of curiosity normal for the age that I was at that point in my life and that of my boyfriend. Since it was more of a show me yours and I will show you mine, I considered myself a virgin at that time. However when I and my boyfriend took it a step further and he ejaculated whether by my hand on his penis or orally I considered it a sex act which it was and is. Likewise when I achieved and orgasmed at his hand or mouth or fingers I also considered that a sex act and did not pretend that I was a virgin from that point forward.

I detest any religion or culture that tries to dictate or unduly influence what I do with my own body and who I do it with. I see this as a purely monetary move on their part in trying to exert power and control over a woman and her body for their own enrichment. My thinking and attitude was highly influenced by my rebellion against my mother who at the time seemed indifferent to me and my needs and she was not the nurturing kind of person. I was left to find out on my own and I did and I have no regrets about what I have done and will do because once I caused my first boyfriend to ejaculate I was no longer a virgin and virginity did not mean that much to me in the first place.

@Jacana be careful with the ‘please their boyfriends’ line of thinking. Women and girls like sex and can want to be sexual without wanting/being ready for intercourse. That’s Madonna/whore complex thinking and should be avoided.

@Nurse_Phillips Right right right. Consent and desire are complex.

I have heard of the concept of “soaking” which is something that is said to be done by mormons. I’m not sure about the accuracy of that, but the idea is that one lays on top of the other and their “friends” jump on the bed and since he is not thrusting it is not sex.

I have heard of the concept of “soaking” which is something that is said to be done by mormons. I’m not sure about the accuracy of that, but the idea is that one lays on top of the other and their “friends” jump on the bed and since he is not thrusting it is not sex.

If true, That has got to be one creative way to claim you didn’t have sex!

Looked it up, term is real but most likely a myth to make fun of Mormons. Soaking was penetration without movement. “Jump Humping” was having a friend (s) jump on the bed while “soaking”. (Presumably named for soaking one’s penis in a moist vagina)

@Mrssnipgirl Speaking of Mormons, I was surprised to learn from a friend that they wear special underwear. As part of my investigation of this, I found that there is a porn genre of Mormon girls in their temple garments. Kind of hot ... I guess I'm doomed to hell.

There is a funny video called Loophole that is about Christian girls who stay virgins until they're married but have anal sex instead. The Loophole by Garfunkel and Oates

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

That video is the first thing that popped into my mind.

I was raised religiously, so that was a factor for me, but also by a single mother who I'm pretty sure is sex-repulsed and possibly a lesbian. It was for sure a huge factor and it's something I'm still working on. As things were, I waited until I was 23 to lose my virginity with my then-boyfriend, who had been with me for 4 years by that point. And after about 2 years, we started doing stuff.

We did just about everything you can do, short of PIV sex. Toys, oral, anal, kinky, vanilla, you name it. I still felt weird about all of that but there was just some mental block I couldn't get past. Yeah, part of it was fear of pregnancy, but there was so much psychologically going on from being told most of my life "sex is gross and if you do it you're bad" that I couldn't make myself be ok with it.

It's not like I thought I was "getting one over" on God either with the workarounds. The idea that the line is that specific would be crazy to me, it's definitely a "spirit of the law" thing.

There is a song by Garfunkel and Oates about this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

Most good girls I knew sucked cock and took it up the arse without any inhibitions to save their cherry.

I can't ever say that it entered my mind to preserve it.

found that there is a porn genre of Mormon girls in their temple garments. Kind of hot ... I guess I'm doomed to hell.

Ya I have seen that too It's smokin hot. Join you in Hell were the party is @Horace !

@Bad_Princess They were the good girls? They sound like they would have been more than bad enough for me when I was a teen! 😈😮

Join you in Hell were the party is @Horace !

@Bad_Princess Something to look forward to....