Need for lubricant for penis-in-vagina?

This is a question for women (and also for men who wish to recount the experiences they had with women; but this is not about male preferences):

Do you need artificial lubricant for comfortable penis-in-vagina (or dildo-in-vagina) sex? Has it always been like that, or has it changed along time? (Obviously menopause may have changed the situation, for instance.) Is it always the same along your menstrual cycle? Is it different when using a condom?

(Own experience: my wife does not need it, but at the very beginning we used lubricant because she was not yet used to sex with me, and also we've used some for sex during periods after removing a tampon, as the tampon dries the vagina. I think also for sex with a condom.)

I'd say there have been very few instances in which I DON'T need it - but I think there's also an element of it achieving a certain function or sensation for my partner as well?? (Like, he's stopped to re-lubricate when it's definitely not necessary, and I would have probably gotten more pleasure from the friction of not having it, for example)

I don't use condoms (but it was always necessary back when I did). Usually not needed when I'm ovulating. Definitely, definitely needed within the week of menstruation.

We didn't need it when we were younger unless the sex went on for a considerable length of time, but since menopause, we can only begin without it. I "run out" of natural juices within a very few minutes. Enter Astroglide.

The challenges of sex as seniors are many--ask me about positions!--but the emotional closeness and sexual satisfaction are worth the extra effort. I feel sorry for the many older people who are no longer physically intimate, although of course it's their decision to make.

It depends. When I was younger, no, never. As I got older, perimenopause, there were times when it was helpful - like if my lover was well endowed or if I was drunk. When I hit menopause it more-or-less became an all the time need but now that I'm a few years past, I'm back to perimenopausal levels of wetness during arousal - meaning good enough that if I've had extended foreplay, especially if I've cum a few times, I don't need to use additional lube.

In my late teens and 20s, I never had a use for it. Looking back, I think I took for granted just how quickly and efficiently I would become aroused. In my 30s, I need lube nearly every time.

The penis in question is usually silicone or some other kind of soft but firm material. Lube is a must especially when I am subbing and she wants to double stuff me before stradling my face.

A few years ago my wife went through menopause.

Since then, lube is very welcome.

One of my first “WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?” moments of puberty was producing natural lubricant… I was prepared for boobs, I was prepared for periods (partially anyway)… But the first few times I thought I had wet myself…

So, I’ve never needed artificial lubrication, but when it’s added it’s never made it worse for vaginal penetration. Always added lubrication for anal penetration.

Sometimes lubrication is finding the fun balance between too wet and not wet enough…

As I’ve gotten older nothing has changed. That ‘tap’ turned on when I was a tween and has been leaking at the same rate since. I do think eventually things will be less lubricated, but I hope it’s a long time away…

Prior to perimenopause, I had the opposite problem and never ever needed lube. All of a sudden last year a play partner I had got out the lube as I needed it and I was shocked.

Now I usually need it and it’s made me really sad that my body does not respond the way it did. I cried about for months but now I’ve just accepted it. It’s something they don’t tell us about. All I knew was about hot flushes, mood swings and dwindling periods. No one tells you about genitourinary symptoms of menopause (vaginal atrophy, clitoral atrophy etc). GPs are often unsympathetic and have no training. It’s like literally “you’re past reproductive age now, just suck it up”. Sorry for the rant, but there is very little support out there for people going through perimenopause/menopause.

But yes, back to lube: thank goodness for lube!

@Millie_Millicent ❤️ so true. I miss the ‘old’ me so much. I’m different now, it’s like puberty in reverse. I miss what I lost and it’s so much more than just a period. I’m an entirely different person now.

@Nurse_Phillips I can totally relate ❤️I miss the “old” me so much too. And yes, ever so much more than absent/dwindling periods. I also feel like an entirely different person. It’s not really spoken about enough. Peri and menopause are spoken about more but less so when it comes to genitourinary changes, sexuality and sex.

I was on a birth control pill for about a year that made it difficult for me to get wet and needed lube. Now that I’m off that things are normal and I don’t

@Millie_Millicent @Nurse_Phillips My wife will go through menopause in the forthcoming years… What things should we expect in the genitourinary and sex aspects? (I do realize it may be painful for you to discuss this, and that you are not here to educate men.)

Every woman is different. My 2nd wife (50+) seldom needed lube. Next 2 girl friends (60+) were dry and needed lube. Current girl friend (73) is plenty wet, but I still use lube to slide past the outer lips easily.

We use lube only for anal penetration and that means ALL anal penetration. A little coconut oil goes a long way but we don't spare it. We're both young and have never felt the need for artificial lube for vaginal play.

@jacana it’s not painful to discuss, I’ve just done it several times in various places on this site. Millie spells it out: genital atrophy. She’s going to be dry, sex may be painful, her labia and clitoris will shrink, they’ll change color. You will need to be patient.

@Nurse_Phillips I overheard my mother long ago discussing something (I think she had a hysterectomy for medical reasons) like going back to before puberty. Of course, I did not ask for specifics.

My wife and me never need any lube for PIV, because a long cunnilingus does its own.

@Jacana It’s good that you asked and that it is discussed.

Not all women will develop genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) also known as vaginal atrophy. Just like not all women will experience hot flushes (flashes in the US).

I think the key thing is to be open about it and communicate about it. Also, there are things that can help for GSM, such as estrogen cream on the vulva to keep help the labia and the clitoris. But it may be that your wife sails through it without ever experiencing shrinking clitoris and labia, vaginal dryness etc. I recommend Jen Gunther’s book called the Menopause Manifesto if you both read English and there are many podcasts nowadays. There’s an English one called the Louise Newson Podcast.

These topics need to be spoken about, especially for those women/people/couples for whom sex is very important….but not just us, others too. And communication among partners is so important and makes a massive difference. It’s important men also take an interest, also to understand that often it’s not about them being rejected.

These topics need to be spoken about, especially for those women/people/couples for whom sex is very important….but not just us, others too. And communication among partners is so important and makes a massive difference. It’s important men also take an interest, also to understand that often it’s not about them being rejected.

You are so right, good communication is so important

At some point many women will lose the natural lubrication which flowed so freely in lesser years. A touch of Astroglide answers the call nicely. No need to slow down attentiveness to her desires, just keep the little bottle handy at the head of the bed.

There are other options to consider. There are vaginal creams which contain estrogen as well as an estrogen ring ("Estring") that can be inserted in a female's vagina. Woman past menopause who contend with dryness should be discussing these options with their gynecologist. As for my wife, she has used an estrogen ring with great success for many years. Not only does it help lubricate but slows down vaginal atrophy.

I think one previous partner needed lubrication in her vagina for her comfort, but my other partners did not. I had some KY jelly available just in case, which also was handy for doing the periodic play exam on a willing patient.

I only really need it if I want to climb on him first thing in the morning without any warm up. When I was in my teens with my first boyfriend I really could have used some lube, I just didn't really get wet with him, he didn't give me the type of touches that I need and sex was often rushed and not all that good. At the time I still loved it but in retrospect it was terrible.

A fabulous colonic hydrotherapist, who I have been going to since 2009 recommends YES!!!https://www.yesyesyes.org/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21085017053&gbraid=0AAAAAD9-Mk895q8HsJh4jw8vwkSnzMjr_&gclid=CjwKCAjwmenCBhA4EiwAtVjzmgzRORmv8rTeqjlNMnLRmejBRBrNJiZW2ofnmbFWiY5z1j8x4sNJgBoC8VoQAvD_BwE On my last visit, she works in a fine northern city a two hour train ride from me so I only go to her infrequently. She asked how I and my beautiful blonde, both near 70, were doing on the sex front. She then asked what we were using as a lubricant. When I told her, she threw up her hands in horror and gave me some samples of YES to try. Needless to say we haven't reverted to what we used previously.

If you have a male partner, please don’t use estrogen cream as a lubricant. Also don’t use it near the time you’re expecting him to touch you. That stuff is transdermal and it rubs off, so it could mess up his hormones if it gets on his skin.

I only had one girlfriend who had a dry vagina issue. We tried water soluble lubricants, but it didn’t really help. Her anus was also super tight, so anal sex wasn’t an option. I did take her temperature rectally a few times, but she didn’t enjoy that either. She had a volatile temper, so I was relieved when we broke up.

Bananas,

I like to use bananas on women for lubrication.........

never had any complaints.

cut the scab off the end... spit in her hole...... slide the banana in there and fuck her for about 15-20 minutes till it gets soft........

pull the banana out..... peel the skin half way back............ push it back inside of her...... fuck her with it for another 15 to 20 minutes........

then you go down and start licking around it................ get her all worked up

then you cram the old banana Masher in............ fuck her with it for another 15-20 minutes till it gets all gooey.............

she'll be lubricated all night long.....................................

the best part is......... when she's sitting on your face you'll be eating dessert all night long............

kind of taste like banana flavored baby food..................

a word of caution :

Don't use whipped cream...... it gets real sticky

but cherries are acceptable..................

Bananas,

I like to use bananas on women for lubrication.........

@Slider wouldn't the sugar in the bananas cause issues in the ladies vagina flora?

I have never *needed* lube with any of my partners (around six or seven), but using lube has also rarely detracted from the experience too. Basically, my thought process is, if she isn't wet enough, then I haven't done a good enough job with foreplay. When using condoms, I'll add a bit of lube to get things going.

There have been instances when a partner wanted to just jump on me, and it meant I would be providing all the "lube" for a brief period - mechanically via foreskin movement until she generates some of her own natural lube.