Couples where only one is interested

A couple of days ago I posted my experience of how my wife and I first began having anal sex after many years together, but one of the moderators let me know that personal stories of that kind belong in the Blog section and this discussion forum should be for posts that raise a specific discussion topic. So ok, let's have a discussion!

Are any others in relationships where only one partner was interested in anal play? How have you managed it and what works best for you? Did you negotiate, ask for what you want, find other outlets, end the relationship?

(My story in the Blog section is here if you're interested: https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=blog;ox=showpage;pg=8614)

To be honest, most of my partners were initially opposed to anal. I won them over by asking to receive anal first. Once they saw how much I enjoyed it and how vulnerable I was with them, they practically begged me to return the favor. This can be a gamble, but as a man, if you like receiving anal, I think you’re much more likely to have a willing partner to receive anal sec from you.

That's great that it's worked that way for you! Can I ask what gender(s) of partners you're talking about? I guess the scenario you're talking about sounds more as if it were male tops enticed into trying bottoming by how much you enjoyed it ... it's harder for me to imagine that more than a few women who were at first not into receiving anal would find themselves wanting to try it after pegging a partner. But in either case, congratulations!

At least in my case, I was really interested in both giving and receiving, and although my wife was willing to start trying finger play on me and even eventually a little bit of pegging, it didn't make her any more interested in receiving anal touch herself. (She was glad I liked it for me, but it wasn't an erogenous zone for her, felt weird, no prostate, etc.)

I'm curious what others have experienced, particularly those in monogamous relationships where you have to really navigate the tension between the exclusive commitment, respect for each other's boundaries, and the powerful desire on the part of one partner for sexual acts that aren't yet part of your shared repertoire ...

@ps34 I believe you were addressing me? I actually have never had penetrative sex (giving or receptive) with a man before. I’ve done some amount of anal play with at least four different female partners. I’ve been pegged by 3 women, but I think there’s a lot that goes along with pegging that like you said many women might be turned off by. You can do things like fingering, massage, or even play with toys that doesn’t have the same physical or D/s connotations as pegging might.

With my last partner, anal play for both of us came from an enjoyment of massage together. Other than the cleanliness aspect, I don’t think most women would be as opposed if it was part of a massage and relaxation connection. I think that like you said, it just isn’t erotic for some, but with anal, it seems many have an aversion that is connected to a learned disgust for the anus or a previous bad experience rather than an informed, well-negotiated, and gentle introduction.

Receiving first can show a partner what it’s like to enjoy it and give them the idea it’s possible as well.

This is exactly the discussion that I want to have!

My first partner, back in college, was an incredibly creative and experimental lover. She loved receiving anal sex. She loved double penetration with my penis and my fingers. There were times when she practically begged me for this. We had a great sex life, but it was college, we broke up after college, and that was a long time ago.

I don’t believe that my college girlfriend ever touched my ass, but I feel like we would have gotten there eventually. Others did over the years, and I learned that I really enjoy a bit of ass play too. One girlfriend rimmed me, which was pretty awesome. When I masturbate, it is rare that I don’t have one hand on my cock and a finger or two in my ass. While I love this in general, I love that as a 50-something guy, I am still learning about my sexuality and learning new experiences.

My wife and I have been married for 16 years, together for 18. She has had anal sex in the past, maybe a few times with guys in her past, but she says it is not her thing. I proposed anal off and on in our early days, and she always turned me down, eventually saying I was too big, but I really don’t think that is it. Even touching her there has been met with pushback. She loves to say that the ass is one-way only, so nothing goes in there.

She and I have a wonderful relationship, and I would not trade that for anything, I would love to bring some of my past and some of my present into our marriage. The more she turns me down, the more I want to show her how pleasurable this could be. I think the fact that I have discovered how pleasurable it can be for me makes this even more meaningful.

Beyond the usual relationship therapy advice of talking about it, what might I try to open her up a bit? How do I bring this up again in a way that is not just bringing it up again? Selfishly but also selflessly, I want for her to continue to explore her sexuality as much as I do mine.

Sadly, I think that if your wife was to ever get interested in anal sex.....by now you would have experienced it. m not trying to be a jerk.....but I had the same problem with my ex....that is why she is my EX! There is some things that I will NOT compromise on. A fter we divorced, it took me 2 years to find one that would actually go for it.......and thankfully she also was receptive to enemas and pegging!!!! Life is way too short to have to give up ANYTHING that does not harm the involved parties..Just my 2cents brother........

My gf refused to get anal by me so my horny and melting mind decided to get anal by her with a strap on. That was the only way to calm that horny fantasies in my head.

The short answer is: I find other outlets for that inlet. Anal play was influenced by a few of my playdates, and inevitably to my delight, I went along with it.

When my wife was interested in having sex, neither of us were into anal play. I was barely able to stand a doctor's finger in my ass during a DRE.

1 of my regular playdates would have his playdates shower when they got to his house. After showering the rest of my body, he would come in to wash my ass to prepare it for rimming. That was the beginning of any anal play. My sex site profiles indicate that I'm not into anal, aside from rimming.

I have this other playdate I've been visiting for about 5 years now, who has toys, and likes to try them on me from time to time. He is very respectful in that when he senses I begin to have discomfort, he stops.

Just this past weekend, he got into a bit of deeper exploration. For me, it was totally unexpected, and I was able to tolerate much more penetrationwise.