I think you raise a really valid point.
Even many years ago, male submissive were looked down on by many people fortunately, I suppose I'm labeled a "switch" and can give spankings and enjoy them, although I probably would rather receive them.
When I was looking for a partner, I never told them that I wanted to be spanked and thought I would let it evolve if it did. it turns out that the women I knew were not interested in dishing it out, only receiving it.
I did find several including one special one that can really lay it on and I'm grateful.
I think it's important to remember that we are having an enema or spanking relationship with the whole person. It's not just the kinky acting out.
My art mentor told me that the problem with we're trying women is that it's not just the body, but it's also the whole person and you never know what they're going to do or what place they will show up in.
That certainly not meant to be critical, but I think some of us may start to fantasize and think we're going to pull somebody into our fantasy instead of finding out who they are and merging with them in a way that makes sense.
Sorry if that's preaching!