Has anyone lost a relationship when they revealed their enema desire?

I have been in a 4 yr relationship with a fantastic man. We have amazing chemistry, never fight, and love each other dearly. I have pushed my own envelope with him and tried BDSM - the sweet man even bought some rope and learned to tie knots, just to grow together. He knows that I am very anal. We both admit I am into it more than him, but it is growing on him. He knows I have a 'secret fetish.' I have all but said the words, but not yet. I am afraid that I will lose him. In part, this may be because he had enemas from his grandmother he hated as a child and thought they were abusive. I'm not sure he would go for enemas sexually, or even just to give me one. I think it's MY fear -- so, I was wondering if anyone lost a good relationship because of this fetish? (I think I'm trying to prove myself wrong in my fear, but would like to hear what others have to say). Thanks.

Mary, it sounds like you have a wonderful and thoughtful man and it seems like he really wants to please you and wants to nurture your relationship. You might want to sit down with him and talk about your shared interest in anal sex and how you take enemas in preparation and how you came to enjoy them. Explain how they make you feel (emotionally and physically), tell him about the different types of enemas and equipment and let him know that they aren't all like the harsh cleansing treatments he received as a child. You can explain about retention nozzles and how they keep everything inside in case that is a concern to him. And how they are pleasurable, not painful, if done correctly and with a gentle lover.

I kept my secret fantasy inside for years, always hoping a lover would admit to me that he had the interest. But I got tired of waiting around and felt I would never realized my fantasy if I didn't speak up, so I did. I started off by telling my lover about an erotic story I read and mentioned the enema scene in the story and how exciting it sounded. (I didn't say that I'd been taking them for nearly 15 years at the time.) I felt out his attitude about the story to see if he was receptive to the idea or if he was completely freaked out by it. (The first lover was. The second one, not so much.) I mentioned that I had been taking them for a while to prepare for anal sex and how they felt quite nice. Then told them about another story I read and how I'd like to try it. Neither of those lovers were into enemas. The first one was freaked out, but that didn't ruin our relationship. Him being an asshole did. The second one had read the same story as I did and didn't really think one way or another about it. He shrugged his shoulders, kind of laughed a little and said, "Sure, I'll try it. Why not?" The enema discussion didn't ruin that relationship either. He was a heck of a guy. Always the life of the party. What I didn't know was that he was a self-medicating (alcohol and drugs) bi-polar and went into a self-destructive phase so I got out of that relationship. My next boyfriend wasn't into ANYTHING anal, so that didn't last long. Prudes are no fun to date.

If he is as concerned about your pleasure as your post makes him seem, I think he'd be willing to listen and possibly explore enemas with you.

Do you know why he isn't into anal play as much as you? Is there a chance that he's worried about cleanliness? It might reassure him to know what your secret fetish is and that he never need worry about running into anything unpleasant while the two of you play. Most people fear what they don't understand, so if you educate him about the finer points of enemas, he may be willing to give it a try. Good luck in whatever you decide. I wish you the best.

Marymaker.

As a mans point of view, Most young guys will not engage into any conversation regarding enemas. Not knowing you or your bf, Your bf maybe the macho type or plainly has no interest in enema play. If he has already told you his views about enemas and what they mean to him. I'd be a little more patient and see what will happen down the road. You did not say how long you two have been involved with each other, and do you live together. Now, if you have been in this relationship for awhile. Please I do not wish to offend you or show any disrespect. You did state you are into anal, why not tell him the time and effort you take for him to enjoy this act with you. Plant a seed. Look, I want you to know that I care enough to be clean before we have anal sex.But, it takes me alot of effort and time. Then maybe he may ask what can he do to help out. This may interest him, and feel obligated and willing to give you these enemas. A sign that you care enough to take these steps. Good Luck.

Happyman makes a good point. Many men love to engage in anal sex, but they are clueless about enemas. I was always "sparkling clean" whenever I had it, but none of the men ever wondered why that was. Maybe if you explained how you prepare for it and explain how it started as a hygiene thing, but that the thought of why you were cleaning out gave you thoughts of him and all the erotic fun you would be having caused you to start to enjoy the cleaning process as much as the sex act itself and how it turns you on to prep, knowing what will be happening soon. It might intrigue him enough to want to experience enemas with you.

Marymaker, my feeling is that if your SO really loves you, he would want to please you. I know that anything I could do to sexually pleasure my wife, I'd gladly do, because I loved her. Even if he doesn't want to have you give him an enema, surely he'd give you one. The fact that you are in a 4 year relationship speaks load for a strong, positive future. Your fetish really needs to be shared. If you truly love each other, there shouldn't be any secrets. At least let him know of your needs.

As an aside, my wife won't have anything to do with enemas, and I could accept her not wanting them, but to refuse to give them to me, which is really all I've ever asked for, is pretty tough to accept. My great need and her denial of it have put a real obstacle in our marriage. Were we to separate, though, it would be because of other, more basic differences that are surfacing after 15 years of marriage.

And so I understand your fear. I guess that if you are like me, and don't want to play solo, it would be a good bet to approach him about your needs. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think a really strong relationship would withstand the topic of enemas being present.

Good luck, and best wishes!

After I was married about a few years I made the suggestion that it might be something fun to try. Wife was clearly not the least bit interested. At one point, when we had a "disagreement" she said it was perverted. Over time, I've told her it's something I enjoy once a month or so (just a tiny understatement!), but she still has absolutely no interest in my sharing with her.

Gramps, I'm sorry to hear that your wife isn't supportive of your interest. I feel for you, Dear. I hope you are still able to enjoy your fun.

I have appreciated what everyone has shared. It has made me think to tread lightly unless the absolute perfect moment would come up. This weekend I hinted when we were together. He had wanted to try EVOO for anal as a better lube (should never use vaginally), so we did. After a bit of that I was stroking him with my hand and he asked how I liked the oil vs. traditional water based, and I said, "I think a bit grainy but probably because you were in my ass; next time maybe I should rinse first." I couldn't bring myself to say 'enema'(I guess for me even hearing or saying the word is very emotionally charged). He didn't seem to respond at all and we just went on to more lovemaking. SO, guess I'm testing the water, but gently. ok, so I'm chicken, but the other sounded better....

Hi Mary, I am brand new to this site, and defentily not a phd,or scholar. but i am a 30 year old man. (klismo)

I think if a guy was not into enemas, he might think an enema is gross, but would have to understand the need for pre anal sex.

Also, I can only wonder if there could at all be any spark for him, he dispised his grand mother for enemas as a child, but when i got enemas as a kid I HATED them, and HATED my mother. I think giveing a child enemas (especially 4 qt bags) is bacicly a form of melestation......but here i am now, for what ever reason, if i had an attractive girl to play the role of my mother and take me to the bedroom with that full size bag...hanging on the hook, both a terrible and beautiful picture, that long, long hose on the bed, as i am instructed to lock the door, and take off my clothes.

I might me in LOVE!

(by the way....thank god for the computer, i remember how confusing it was....being a klismo, before i ever knew it was a real condition)

Mary sorry, i did not answer your question, no i did not loose any one due to e play, never talked about it. i guess just tryig to play on the possibility of him going along with it....and maybe ENJOYING it.

Hi Mary,

I have brought up the topic of enemas with almost every women I have had gone out with or even was friends with for that matter ('friends' can sometimes lead to more). The variety of answers I got went from not responding and blank stares to, "I like backsides too!" and "I really should try them". I didn't get a sense that my just bringing the subject up was in anyway a deal killer. Of course I was always careful about how it was presented and usually it was rather casually with a health twist.

I have come to realize that if my interest isn't eventually met with a positive response I move on from the idea of being in a committed relationship with that person. Life is to short to spend it with someone that isn't going to be able to fulfill your basic needs.

Alas, yes: many years ago, starting a pretty hot physical relationship with a woman a bit younger (still with grown kids). I had gotten very positive responses to sliding my finger in her rear crack, and she may have toyed with mine once. One night I touched her rosebud and muttered "nozzle." She never went out with me again, never returned phone calls. I guess sometimes you can go so far and no further......

Before I got married, and had an apartment, I always hung the enema bag behind the door to dry ... and simply left it there. Anyone who visited my apartment, including work associates and school classmates, knew it was there.

Occasionally one would mention the apparatus and I would respond "If you mention it that must mean you enjoy enemas," and more often then not, the conversation would go in that direction and occasionally resulted in an exchange of enemas and a nice session after.

Unfortunately, my marriage partner, I learned sometime after we were married, does not enjoy enemas, although she did say she enjoyed the first two sessions we had.

I've relegated myself to being without an e-partner and pretty much enjoy the e-solo scene ... it serves the purpose but there is really a lot lacking.

You can involve your partner on this practice and enjoy together ...

Mary, have you thought about making your flushing out before anal sex part of the foreplay? If he enjoys using his fingers or toys in your ass, he may be open to inserting the nozzle, maybe playing with your breasts and pussy as you fill up.

And, you might suggest to him that it can be a great part of bondage play - if you have an inflatable tip, you are kind of tied to the bag by the tip and the hose. LOL, kind of an expanding internal cuff.

Just a thought.

I just spent a few hours online with him looking at glass dildos and butt plugs - his idea. On one page there was a 'waterworks' set with anal tips. I hinted at that and another bulb I said would be nice for milk up my ass. He just kept going. He's getting more into anal for certain, but I just can't say the enema part, even in good cleaning fun. I think it's because I know in my heart he would not like it. ??

I did. Dated this guy a long time ago, and sex was very hot. Then I proposed to play enemas. He didn't like it, and the next week he broke up with me.

Yes, many years ago. The relationship was serious and fairly long term. I really didn't know how to bring up the subject since at that point I was very shy about talking about such things. I let him read the first story I wrote about the subject. Let's just say the kindest word he used was "pervert!" Needless to say I never saw or heard from him again. We had several friends in common and to this day I wonder every time I see one of them if he ever told anybody about it.

Jill

I have never lost a relationship due to my desires, but when I did tell my husband about it, it was only AFTER I knew enough about things that he wanted but was scared to ask for (like bondage). Basically, I gave him the ok to do me (tie up) and after that session, where his needs were met, then I mentioned mine, and the enema fetish. We did try it together a couple times (not his thing at all) and eventually I stopped asking him to play like that with me as I felt that I was "making" him do something he really didn't want to do. Now...fast forward about 12 years (yep, still together!!) and our relationship has evolved to the point of me having my emates and get togethers (which he attends also). It was alllllll about the honesty, openness and understanding though. I agree with other posters ... life is too short to have your needs unmet, or to spend time with someone who would judge you anyway. And another thing ... perhaps if people met thru places like this (and other sites) then they would have a better chance of not having sexual play issues. With all the single people on these types of boards ... why do you go look for a date out of a bar or wherever? Just my thought .....

J.

Unfortunately I know my husband well enough to know that he would never accept this type of play as he rarely shows any interest in vanilla sex.The older he gets,the less he wants. :'(

There must be something wrong with me , the older I get the more I want lol! Vermeer

Vermeer I have found that problem too. I'm am more interested now that say 10 years back. Maybe it's because the Miss in me was unleashed and wants so to find her fun.

Yes I have I lost my wife a couple years back so finally started dating so I leave my bag in the shower all the time. It does cause conversation and if asked I will say I enjoy them sometimes there is a positive response others you never see again and that’s fine. I want to share my life not hide it.

I know I have grown wiser as I have aged.

I have been married to the same woman for over 30 years. A few years into our marriage I told her I liked enemas and it kind of went over her head- kind of like "how could that feel sexy." She pretty much seemed to forget about this revelation and she never really asked about it again. I had been doing them in private and not ever revealing my regular use and pleasure. Many years later I told her in a more practical way- putting all my cards on the table. She was kind of shocked and had more of a negative reaction. But after that difficult conversation we got to a better place. She knows I do enemas regularly and that I like doing them for sexual reasons. I do not hide my equipment like I used to and will occasionally tell her I am planning on doing an enema session. She does not want to participate and she has indicated she doesn't have to know when I am doing them.

So the big question is...Should I have had this conversation before we got married? That is a tough question to answer. I did want to get married and she was by far the best woman I had dated. Might this conversation been a deal breaker-maybe. I simply did not want to play a high stakes game on one roll of the dice. So I guess things worked out for the best.

But if I am ever single again, I can say without hesitation I would definitely reveal all of my sexual desires to a potential significant other. Looking back I might have played things differently with my wife and been able to be more open about my sexual needs and done it in a way to keep our future marriage on track and been better off for it. But at the end of the day, it's hard to say how things might have turned out had I been more forthcoming.

Well as I have said on zity before, my wife threatened divorce after finding "my " enema stuff "hidden" under the sink in our bathroom. It was actually her deceased grandmother's bag. I was using it however. She threw it out. That was a shame too because it was an old but high quality rubber bag. I miss it! lol. I have my own stuff now which I keep at work.

When I read so many tales of unsatisfied enema-loving partners, I feel for them. For people who have our delicious obsession, but are with a partner who is somewhere between neutral on the subject and sickened by the revelation that their partner has an inexplicable freakish side. . . well, there may be hope, but then again, there my be none.

Happily, in the case in which an adventuresome and overall accepting partner just hasn't experienced the pleasures, and therefore doubts they could be real, it might be a passive obstacle that can be cleared if clearing is done patiently, as a process of conversion. That's how I acquired the fetish, and for giving it to me, I will be forever grateful to my ex-wife and her "guru", a saucy senior who tutored her on the pleasures of bedroom and bathroom.

But sadly, from reading through many posts, not all enemaphiles are fortunate enough to have an adventuresome and accepting mate. And that has to be endlessly frustrating and disappointing. These folks live with a nagging yearning for the simple but intense gratification of being given an erotic enema by that same intimate partner, and that desire goes unfulfilled, year in, year out. In the most extreme cases, the rift it can cause in the relationship seems all out of proportion to the thing revealed. The reaction of the objecting partner is irrational, and irrationality resists even the best and most compelling arguments. Why anal play in general, and enema play in particular, is so often equated with perversion in a such a closed-minded way is beyond me. Enema is spelled anathema. Anal = sick-o. Period. Put so much as your finger in my ass, and we're talking counseling at minimum.

Try it with your tongue or penis, and we're as good as divorced! It's as though anal orientation is so "unnatural" to some that it's labeled deviant interest, unnatural and therefore abhorrent behavior, repugnant to the pure soul, beyond any discussion, save all that. With the most strenuously objecting partners, it's obviously taken to be more than what it is. These folks seem to believe that it's just the tip of an iceberg, and it leaves them fearing that other grossly unwholesome desires and impulses are lurking just beneath the surface. I don't know how you'd ever overcome the objections of those who are prudish beyond a certain degree. With people who are sufficiently repressed sexually -- puritanical -- you're not up against an induced inhibition that lacks strong conviction, that's been casually overriding and masking hidden desire that can be freed; to them, it's a core belief, almost biblical in absoluteness. To people with such a partner, I say getting them to participate in enema or other anal play is probably a hopeless cause, because using the only means of persuasion you have -- verbal salesmanship and maybe the written word of some expert in the field of human sexuality -- will only outrage them further and strengthen their resolve to resist. Irrationality, that immovable object, opposes you; and you have nothing like irresistible force at your command to counter it. You'll be trying to open a fortress door that has been stridently kept barred to lock "decency" in, "debauchery" out. You'll need more than persistence to get that done.

Try it with your tongue or penis, and we're as good as divorced! It's as though anal orientation is so "unnatural" to some that it's labeled deviant interest, unnatural and therefore abhorrent behavior, repugnant to the pure soul, beyond any discussion, save all that. With the most strenuously objecting partners, it's obviously taken to be more than what it is. These folks seem to believe that it's just the tip of an iceberg, and it leaves them fearing that other grossly unwholesome desires and impulses are lurking just beneath the surface.

I would hope no one with an enema fetish would willingly get into relationship/marriage with someone who is going to have the above described reaction to their fetish. Before entering a marriage, you should have some sense of the person's outlook on sex beyond just intercourse. Yes many of us have had some difficult times in our marriage revealing our fetish after we got married, but if this one item resulted in a blowup and divorce then you never should have gotten married in the first place.

That is why I think it is so important to be upfront early on in a relationship about all of your sexual desires whatever they may be. If they run for the hills after telling them about your love of enemas, then things probably worked out for the best.

To hide one’s secret fetishes and wishes from a potential partner is not fair to either party and will only create frustration and resentment over time if a serious relationship materializes. Some people are open-minded, curious, and accepting of unusual quirks and desires in a partner. Other people simply aren’t interested in exploring anything outside what they are already comfortable with. But to me, life is too short to settle for second best, so honesty from the beginning is essential, in my opinion. I was single for 10 years after a divorce and decided to be honest with the women I dated, especially if it looked like the relationship had potential. What I found was that if done in the right spirit, with humor and confidence, revealing my fetish actually created respect and trust because I was being so honest. Not everyone shared my enthusiasm, which was to be expected, but I never had a single woman run screaming or break off the relationship because of my revelation. Some, in fact, were more than willing to experiment and explore an unknown dimension, and a few actually found it enticing. Now I have a spouse who is perfect for me and although she doesn’t share the same level of fascination and enthusiasm that I do, she is more than willing to share in my desires in order to please me. What more could I want?

When I got married the subject was never brought up. I regret it to this day. While the author of this thread is long gone my advice would be to bring it up slowly but bring it up. I wish I could go back but way too late now.