@JT1999
Actually a lot of the uni environment was heavy on group think, I tried but didn't end up staying involved in any LGBT groups despite being openly bisexual for the entire 3 years living away from home. Nowadays I am a bit less forward about it, I don't hide it but I don't shout it from the rooftops either.
I'm the same way. I don't think I "present" as a lesbian in the way most people would recognize, both in how I dress and what information I choose to disclose. I've never felt ashamed of being gay or liking women, but I've never really advertised it either except to the those other girls who I had an interest in. Frankly I've never really been bothered by people who take a hard stance against it either. They're as entitled to their beliefs as anyone else and I've generally never ran into issues from that side. Authenticity means a lot to me so I just try to be myself. I'm sure to some people I might seem like a bit of a walking contradiction (Dress very feminine, but more generally male-oriented interests) but the people who tend to get onto me for that seem to be the same people who claim to speak for me just because of my sexual preferences and I don't appreciate that.
I do wonder if the male-brain thing is relevant, does it come from socialisation with men? I don't think my upbringing was particularly masculine or feminine one way or the other. I was a gymnastics kid, so spent hours a week just with other girls, but I liked playing football with the boys at school too.
I'm not sure in my case. I feel like its pretty innate to who I am, like I would have turned out this way regardless. My mom made it to the US when she was pregnant with me. I was born in Maryland and we lived there until the end of my 5th grade year. I had a small group of neighborhood friends, just a few girls and a couple of boys around my age. Occasionally there were other kids around but they weren't constants through that time. I only had a small number of school friends that I spent any time with outside of school. Looking back I don't feel like there were any major formative events that shaped who I was (in this context) from that time, except for probably the fact that the only real adult relationship I had was with my mom. Then we moved to Texas and that kindof turned my social life on its head. It took a couple of years to really start to connect with people and want to build close relationships again. I didn't really have any strong male figures around or male friends that I got close to until the very end of high school. I ran track in middle and high school and got along with those girls fine but for the most part never felt particularly close to most of them. So I guess all things considered, I feel like I was pretty well socialized with both boys and girls, I just always kept a small tight knit circle and didn't mind being on my own for large portions of my childhood. I can't really name any major influences one way or the other except my mom who was pretty traditional yet independent.
As it happens, I have more female friends now but I do get on very well with manly men and love the no bullshit attitude they have. They're there to crack on, get the job done and there's no backstabbing, no deception, none of that social hierachy maneourvering stuff going on.
Similar story for me. Joining the army really opened me up to appreciating that sort of attitude you described with men. I guess in some ways that reinforced a foundation that I sort of already possessed. I don't have a lot of tolerance for whining when it comes to either sex for example, and generally feel confused or frustrated if someone endlessly complains about a problem they have but seem to take no action to try and fix it (something I've definitely encountered more with women.) The older I've gotten though the more women I've met my age that are more emotionally mature so I feel like between my girlfriend and I we have a good healthy mix of male and female friends.
But while I don't really care, I do still really want to know why, what was the process? If only because I find it massively interesting and it is something I find myself thinking about when I can't sleep, like right now.
I think about it from time to time too, and you're right it is interesting. I think part of the reason of the reason I tend to handwave it away to some extent is because I've had negative experiences where a few individuals (from both sexes) were really more interested in figuring me out rather than just accepting me for being me. Like I was some sort of mythical creature. I've always been very content with who I am and have always felt like this is my default, but I've always had the awareness to also understand that not everyone else is like me.
...I just realized that probably sounds really arrogant. I don't mean it that way and hope it doesn't come across like that. Or rather I hope it makes sense.
I often thought like I was intentionally making the easy choice, maybe even letting myself down by getting with a guy despite having spent the last 4-5 years mostly seeing women. I am sure one or two of my friends thought that about me, but were too polite to say it. But I just never saw any of the other women I was involved with as a life partner/wife, and I couldn't imagine it happening for me even with some fantasy woman I was yet to meet either. I had lots of very good friends and a few still are, but I'm not sure I've ever been in love with a girl. There have been some insanely intense feelings, that seemed to come out of nowhere but none of those feelings ever seemed to last more than a month or two. One thing I'm sure of is that I really miss the sexual and physical side of it. It feels so rewarding to give pleasure to another woman, the little cues, the noises and how they move compared to a man is just in another league entirely, it melts my brain thinking about it. It is like art.
I know what you mean. A lot of my attempts to find a woman to have a serious relationship with were strange adventures in some way or another. At a certain point it had me questioning myself just a bit but I doubled down because I knew there just wasn't another option for me. I knew that's what I always wanted and it was just a matter of finding the right person and I happened to get really lucky. I'm sure it was different for me in some sense though because I never had any sort of physical or emotional attraction to men in that way, and the one time I went out on a limb and "tried it just to try it" it was just... Not doing anything for me, despite him being a pretty cool guy all around. I did fall in love with several girls before my current partner, a couple of which ended up cheating on me despite us agreeing to be monogamous. I totally understand what you're saying about the sexual and physical side too, and I don't think I could describe it any better. 😃