How do I come out as Bi?

Hi folks, how do I come out as Bi? I live a female led relationship but I'm finding it hard to hide I also like men. I'm bi but I don't know how to come out. I'm 60. Happily married. 3 kids all grown up now and I think and feel it's my turn to worry about me. The wife has probably always know but no one else does unless I'm blind.

I actually need advice. Please understand I have led a hero life for the last 60 years. Be nice to me. I thought about writing ro a friend an saying I'm bi but I'm scared

Do I continue ue to suppress my feelings or go for it.

I do not believe you have any obligation to share your sexual preferences with anyone. Your desires are yours only, and do not require you to announce them. This business of " coming out" is not anyone's business but yours. You have long relationships with your wife, children, business associates, relatives, and friends. Why take any action that can possibly hurt your relationships, or ruin your life. That responsibility to announce your preferences is false, and not required of you. Please think long and hard before you take any public action.

I think you are confusing your feelings, a desire to act on those feelings and the need for others to know about those feelings. If you are actively wishing to pursue experiences with men then the conversation with your wife seems crucial so she is not hurt and confused. Apart from that no one else needs to know. That would be my advice to a friend.

'Coming out' is hugely overrated. No one is under any obligation whatsoever to make their sexual preferences public knowledge.

I never "came out". My first sexual experience was with a group of boys in the 5th grade, including the older brother of one who introduced me to anal sex. That continued through high school, but by then discovered that girls were soft and fun too. I guess I have always been bi. I still am! I love to be with men, but I am only romantic with women.

Ditto.

'Coming out' is hugely overrated. No one is under any obligation whatsoever to make their sexual preferences public knowledge.

Agree. But some want to “carry a label”, maybe to justify the feelings, maybe to identify as being different, open and honest, etc. there are lots of reasons some may want to come out, as well as those who want to keep it private.

Agree. But some want to “carry a label”, maybe to justify the feelings, maybe to identify as being different, open and honest, etc. there are lots of reasons some may to come out, as well as those who want to keep it private.

I often get the feeling that in the US at least, not coming out is thought to be a form of dishonesty and the person somehow something of a sneak and untrustworthy ... sort of like the Protestant thing about confessing sins in public vs the Catholic thing about confessing sins in private.

You should evaluate coming out based on weighing the positives vs. negatives.

If you are thinking that your wife will give you permission to have sex with men and be OK with that, then you don't have to hide your bisexual meetings with men. This takes a huge load off your shoulders. This means you don't have to live in fear of getting caught and causing a potential end to your marriage. This is every bi guy's dream scenario, but it rarely happens.

If coming out leads to the end of your marriage resulting in huge stress and potential financial ruin, then that is a huge price to pay. I think most guys pretty much know what the reaction would be to coming out as bi with their wives. And in most cases, it would not be positive.

Another stress point is the possibility of getting an STD and then giving it to your wife if you are still active sexually with her. This would be the hardest way to have to come out as being bisexual- not only will you likely cause psychological harm to your wife but physical harm as well. You will need to get checked regularly. And it's best to find one regular bi contact to have sex with vs having multiple sex partners which increases your risk of getting an STD.

So I think you have to decide how to move forward. Act on your sexual desires or not. Attempt to keep your marriage intact by playing on the downlow and hope you don't get caught. And you do have to deal with the guilt knowing you are cheating on your wife.

You really need to think this through and decide what works for you. This is a high stakes decision not to be taken lightly.