Humiliation and sense of failure as a turn on

When I was a kid I was given the only enema I remember wich was a fleet enema.

I think that one of the sensations that has strongly remained in me was this sense of humiliation and failure for not being able to do some poop when asked.

I remember being 4 years old sitting on the toilet and trying to go and push but nothing happened so I naively told my mum who was nearby that I couldnt do.

She encouraged me to keep trying but it was useless. Everything was ok for me until that moment. So my mom brought this light blue potty wich I hated, because it was given to me by a friend of my parents and when she handed it to me she told me in a childish and mockingly tone: This is for you to make poop!! I felt embarrassed and didnt want anything with this object.

So my mum put the potty on the floor and tells me: Try here! I reluctantly sit on the infamous potty and try to push feeling completely humiliated. I felt as if I was being laughed at by this lady who gave me the potty. I remember looking up to my mum who was standing in front of me telling me to push and try. I remember the feeling of failure of not being able to do what I asked to do. I didnt know what was about to happen. My mother took me to the kitchen, she sat on a couch we had there, lowered my pants, put me

over her lap and inserted the enema into my butthole. It felt awful, I cried and screamed but my mum hold me firmly and pushed all the liquid in.

Now that Im an adult I like to recreate this sensation of having someone forceing me to poop. Looking up and begging for mercy. When I was a child this humiliation and sense of failure felt bad but now I wish it would've happened again. Do anyone else get turned on by these sensations?

@Simba I don't recall being "forced" to poop, and I don't recall receiving glycerin suppositories or enemas (perhaps I got them when little, I know that mom then sometimes used the "thermometer trick" to get me to poop - no recollection of it but she mentioned it later). I however recall my bowel movements being monitored at times. Spending too much time in the loo, having pebble-like stools (sometimes stools were not well flushed) would lead to questions: was I constipated, did I have diarrhea. Mom would also, if she was wondering about such issues, instruct me not to flush to that she could have a look.

In the "poop on order" category: mom would ask me to have a bowel movement before giving me drugs using a suppository. I faintly recall something like that "go to the toilet ! - but mom I don't feel like it and I've already 'been' - yes but I don't want you to expel the suppository so go again". Quite undignified.