How do you initiate sex with your partner?

So, you're in bed with your long term partner. I'm curious how you initiate sex. What do you do or say? Is it one of you that initiates sex most often or is it a balance?

We're spooned together, and I reach between her thighs from the back to stimulate her clitoris...

Spooning or cuddling often led to sex when first going to bed, waking in the morning, or even in the middle of the night.

Kissing and just idle chat

Usually I’ll start running my hands over his chest/back/sides, nothing too intimate in case he’s not feeling it, but with the implication that it could be haha

With my first wife, we both agreed to simply just start rubbing the others arm, legs, chest working to genitals with a soft whisper of MAKE LOVE TO ME in their hear.

If for some reason the other didn't which was very rare. Simply take their rubbing hand to the side. This worked very well us.

My wife has at times used methods as crude as grabbing my penis. These days, often, she will turn on her side and stick her bare bottom out. Or she may be on the bed, on her back, legs spread - not wide, but sufficiently to show her vulva.

I recall one time when we had not seen each other for months, she was driving me back from the airport and at times passed her hand on my genitals. If I recall correctly, jet lagged or not, I ended under her on the bed.

My own method is more like caressing her gently and seeing how she reacts (e.g. if she turns and sticks her bottom out 😃 ). Also possibly stroking an erection.

@cherryblur Good idea to be cautious. I recall times when an overenthusiastic girlfriend/wife started playing with my penis and it was not enjoyable…

Sometimes just asking if you want to fuck worked very well for either my wife or I. Or just a knowing glance from either of us on a spur of the moment. Neither was seldom rejected. Verbal or nonverbal come ons were accommodated. We used a code word of OSTC around our kids.

With my husband and I, I think it’s about a 50-50 balance, perhaps a slight edge for my husband, but not by much. when we are alone, it’s pretty blunt – –“ do you want to fuck? It’s verbal and very direct no missing the intentions. we are a little more subtle when the kids are around, but they’re not stupid and they pretty much catch onto everything. Physically, my husband will give me a tight hug and kiss me on the neck; that’s a sign for me to go upstairs and put my diaphragm in if it is not already in. if I’m initiating it, I give him a tight hug from the front or rear and deliberately thrust my hips a couple of times no missing that either.

As I have noted elsewhere, we use a diaphragm for birth control, and I have a routine for wearing it – – every night, on weekends and anytime we are going to be alone; also before we go out to dinner or meet with friends. we get out of the house without a quickie bend over slam bang, thank you ma’am. Bend over quickie is good because I don’t mess up my hair or my make up.

If we’re in bed, we are not subtle with each other; I go direct to his cock and he goes to my tits or my click and foreplay starts.

Dita

I don't. I'm the guy, remember it's only OK if she wants sex. I compare myself to a fireman, I have to be ready 24/7 and available when SHE wants it.

@cherryblur your husband is a very lucky guy!

So, you're in bed with your long term partner. I'm curious how you initiate sex.

I’ll just reach over and grab his cock 🙂

I generally ask, “wanna fuck?”

I generally ask, “wanna fuck?”

And all the cultural norms and memes seem to indicate that ladies want romance and gentle, gradual wooing ... ha ha ha

@agracier Ever heard "go on your back!!"?

I’ll just reach over and grab his cock 🙂

Yep, that is guaranteed to do it every time

And all the cultural norms and memes seem to indicate that ladies want romance and gentle, gradual wooing ... ha ha ha

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The question was how do I initiate it. When he initiates it, I want the gentle wooing.

Ah who am I kidding, he generally does the same thing, ‘you up for it?’

All joking aside, often we schedule it. I know that sounds rigid but hear me out: when you’re dating, you know you have a date on Friday and that means you’re going to have sex. You have the anticipation of knowing your rendezvous is coming. It’s the same when you schedule it…you know that tomorrow you’re going to have sex, so you do all your prep, ladies take a ‘big shower’, you put on the good undies etc. and you think about it all day long. it’s fun.

@Nurse_Phillips Don't think it sounds bad at all. Back at the end of my teens / early 20s I had a lover who was married. On account of my job & her situation we could only meet up for sex about twice a month & when we did it was prolonged fucking dynamite. One of my proudest moments was when she breathed "Al. I can't take anymore!" Wow.

Ever heard "go on your back!!"?

In all honesty, nope. I've never said it, never heard it said either.

In my early twenties .... with my first wife .... it was a simple, "Let's fuck."

Worked every time.

Most times nothing is said. If I kiss her and grab a boob or pinch a nip and she responds by checking if my dick is getting hard, it’s game on. If she turns away, I know the candy store is closed.

I see the last post was quite similar with ours .... (Me & my wife)

Kissing before sleep is a must for us and a sweet habit we have for years.

While kissing I lift up her night suit and press her boobs or pinch the nippies or even massage her pussy .... If she is okay to have intercourse she will put her hands in my pants and stroke my penis, or if she just wants oral sex she strokes my penis without putting her hands in my pants.

If she's not in a mood of doing either, she just says good night after we kiss.

If she wants to initiate she will kiss me and whisper ' I want your dick in me ' and will take off my pants.

It happens a lot just from snuggling, I'll feel his cock get hard while it's between my ass cheeks.