The first time my doctor had to do that check I was not the most cooperative patient.
I was in my side. My knees were pulled up. I still hadn’t quite grasped what was happening.
“You are going to feel my finger in your bottom”
Oh so that’s what’s going on here? WTF?
“It may be uncomfy but it shouldn’t hurt. It’s just going to feel like you are using the restroom”
I felt her finger. I was mad. I tried to squirm away. I contemplated making a run for it even though I was pretty much naked. I may have tried to kick her. I dunno. It was shocking.
“Mandy you are going to have to relax. I know this isn’t comfortable. But I need to check”
The nurse chimed in “no one likes this part”
With her free hand she held my thigh and went back in again. This time I held my position and just sobbed.
“Can you bare down for me?”
“What?”
“Like you are using the bathroom”
I remember clinching hard before doing it. I sobbed. It was fucking terrible.
The whole thing may have taken ten seconds. And it still stands out as my favorite memory. It was so tramatic. I was mad at the world. Strange how the mind works.