Ladies - Strict spanking is best?

Females,

Have you ever been disappointed in a spanking?

I've chatted to many females who having gone through all the effort of finding a new spanker have been rather disappointed in then when they don't spank properly.

For me a spanking isn't a spanking unless it's strict and real. Nothing silly and always respectful but when I spank I do just that.

Many females have said that they felt quite let down when he didn't spank them hard enough. It goes without saying that if they have to ask him to spank harder or 'do it properly' then it doesn't work.

In my somewhat limited experience, a lot of male spankers fear hurting their spankee more than she (or he) wants. That can definitely end the evening and perhaps the relationship, so it's reasonable to go easier than he might.

The person being spanked asking for more or harder is just fine. The spanker is not a mind reader. (And if he is, that's a keeper!)

Spank-that-ass, you are 100% correct! My husband needs more than just a few love taps to keep him in line!

For serious offences, he gets 60 with the hairbrush at our winter home in SW Florida. back in NJ, he gets 21 with the razor strop, or 30 for repeat offences.

Yes I have been disappointed in a spanking given by a man last year. Didn’t give me any hope for any future spankings

Well yes early on in marriage and yes in courtship prior to marriage, my husband was tenatitive about giving me a good hard spanking that really lights up my bottom. But he has learned the "ropes" so tp speak in how to properly spank a naughty wife for "misdeeds" and for whatever so called "excuse" he can come up with. The lecture before going over his knee, the ritual of baring my bottom, further lecture and then starting the spanking out softly but steadily ramping it up to where it really stings...a LOT!! But afterwards, the most pleasureable private moments together with a woman that has a hot and very red bottom!! oh la la. Denise

It has been very difficult for me to find a male who can give a good spanking. Why is that. Do we have any real men out here that can do it

For serious offences, he gets 60 with the hairbrush at our winter home in SW Florida. back in NJ, he gets 21 with the razor strop, or 30 for repeat offences.

Don't they all? LOL! Or should that be we all?

I've almost always been disappointed with the spankings I've received. Sometimes not hard enough. Sometimes not warmed up enough. Sometimes not the right headspace. Sometimes not the right dialogue.

I'm starting to think it's just me because it's hard for me to find videos that match my preferences as well.

@CajunOkie I know this feeling. I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and get wrapped up with a specific fantasy. We know exactly what we want but can’t possibly communicate it word for word and have our partners act it out perfectly. Especially as time goes on, the videos I’m actually interested in or find to be “good” seems to narrow.

I guess part of the question depends on if these spankings are for play or “for real.” When it comes to play it took my girlfriend awhile after we had first got together to understand what I really wanted in a session. Spanking is a big part of her sexuality too but we have some differences in ideals when it comes to it. In my experience I think people tend to run into issues when one partner is “spanking-obligatory” and the other is “spanking-preferred” or “spanking-interested”. One person has spent years fantasizing in their head and through media that they know almost exactly what they want but the other person is either intimidated by it or doesn’t quite understand it. One person used to look up words like “spanking” or “punishment” in the dictionary maybe even before they hit puberty and got an exhilarating rush from it (this was me lol) while the other person doesn’t even realize that there’s all this depth and detail to different positions or implements or that spanking can even be a stand-alone activity that doesn’t necessarily have lead to sex and can be gratifying in its own way.

When it comes to serious DD spankings I find that takes a lot of the “this isn’t marching my expectations” feelings away. For one, I’m actually not in control of the situation, and two, they tend to be far more painful then what I would typically want in playing. Of course I still get turned on and excited by the idea, but they are delivered so well that there is a certain point where my wetness either goes away and/or my mind becomes so fixated on what I did wrong to end up in this situation - but part of that may just be that I’ve always been very obedient to discipline even as a little girl. There’s also an aspect of DD that transcends fantasy anyway.

A lot of the ladies in this thread have mentioned male spankers specifically. I’ll just say for context that I’ve never been spanked by a man and have never been interested in the idea, but I have had a number of female partners and playmates prior to my current that have been a mixed bag of disappointment and fulfillment. I am tempted to want to say though that women are better spankers. 😛

I believe that we have to learn and grow for our spanking. What works for you might not work for me as all of us are different individuals coming from different backgrounds.

We need to have conversations with whoever spank you. Find a time to have to heart to heart talk on how both of you feel and what works and what doesn’t. Try out the suggestions see it works.

Feedback is important as it will build up relationships and understand one another needs and wants