What’s your safe word?

One of the funniest things I’ve seen came over my Pinterest feed, and it said that the quintessential safeword is MEATLOAF, because it means, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” 😂

That’s classic!

I keep it simple. I tell the play patient to just say “stop”. As others have pointed out, it means stop!!

@RealisticSeriousExam , @4711koeln , When you have a play exam with a play patient, and the two of you are playing “as yourselves,” you may rightly feel that you understand when stop means stop. In real life stop means stop. In real life, stop is your safe word.

The benefit to having an alternate safe word is when the role play gets interesting and takes on new personas. Maybe the scene is a defiant little brat who is long overdue for an exam & shots. They will spend a lot to time resisting, trying to negotiate out if it, beg to postpone the procedure, and be outright difficult every step of the way. Along with their sneering and yelling and pouting and snotty behavior, they way want to say “No way!”, “Get that away from me?” , “Don’t you dare put that in me.” ,“Stop doing that!” , “I want to leave.” This scene can be a lot of fun for both the bratty patient and the disciplinarian doctor. They both know they can keep pushing each other’s buttons and testing their limits, until one of them drops the Meatloaf. That’s when you pause the scene to do a real life check in.

On the other hand, If your role play scene involves a budget conscious chef, and food critic who wants to punish the restaurateur, you might need a safe word more along the lines of “Monkey Wrench,” or Red, Yellow, Green.

Stop. Always works for me.

So safe words usually exist because we want to expressly declare that "stop" isn't enough.

That could be because the partners are about to embark in a consensual-non-consent scene ... or it could be because everyone wants to be super clear about their intent at all times (a really good thing). That being said, for that reason, 'stop' - isn't the best safeword; there exists a section of the community that will interpret that (without prior discussion) as ... well - not stop.

Therefore, if the goal is to agree beforehand on a good safeword, I tend to like the traffic light system others have presented here:

Green - usually only called if asked for a "light" - all is good, keep going.

Yellow - This is getting a bit much for me - I don't necessarily want to stop, but this is about my limit - maybe switch gears/give me a rest on this topic? Pursuing this specific topic is likely a red, and I'm mostly removing my consent on this specific idea.

Red - I need to stop for now. This scene, right now, is over. Anything else in the context of this scene is without consent.

These words/etc are far enough from anything that might be called "in passion" that their meaning is hard to misunderstand, and thus, make great safewords. They are also common enough that they make a good universal symbol.

Mine is “bastante”. It has been since I started needing one at 16. It means “enough” in Spanish.

1. @JamesWGordan is 100000000% on point. Just nailed it. Well said. I’ll just add that “red” is universal in most dungeons and if a dungeon monitor hears red, they are stepping in and shutting the scene down to figure out what went wrong and protect both parties.

2. One thing to consider: some good tops that have heavy-play bottoms might get them to red on purpose. Seems fucked until you realize truly submissive pain sluts have a hard time drawing the line, especially deep in space. They are scared to red, and not the best self advocates during those moments. Sometimes skilled tops will provoke a “red” to get the bottom accustomed to it. They have to feel comfortable speaking up, knowing their limits, and using red without fear.

3. One more big thing to add:

Sometimes a safeword isn’t a word. I’ll explain. I was playing with a heavy bottom that went non verbal while in sub space. She would completely zone out and it would make reading her very tricky. She told me “I have this heavy and loud chain in my hand during the punishment, and if I drop it, that’s red- do the right thing and call the scene. ”

She trusted me enough to know I’d probably not get her close to safewording anyway, and had she dropped the chain, I’d always be a gentleman and stop the scene. Let the record reflect that while she didn’t drop the chain, I still lit her up pretty hard.

@naughtydoc - Good thoughts indeed. Non-verbal safewords are a great addition to safeword protocol that are particularly important in heavier scenes/deep sub space/with gags/etc. The point of safewords to begin with is to always have affirmative consent by providing all participants a way to immediately revoke that consent. Finding a way to do that, no matter the physical/emotional state of everyone is important, and demonstrates a commitment to consent that lets everyone have the time of their lives, in a reasonably safe way!

While I've never pushed anyone to red, I HAVE both pushed others, and asked others to push me (I'm a switch) to yellow. Yellow is a great way to say "this is fun, but this is my limit here." - and knowing where that limit is can be both important ... and exhilarating

Stop CAN be a safe word, as called out below. I emphasize this as a few people said ‘well what’s wrong with ‘stop’?

Nothing is wrong with stop, unless you’re role playing. I like to do CNC and it REALLY turns my husband on when I beg him to stop in those role plays. Of course I DONT want him to stop. That’s just the victim doing victim things - and it’s hot to be the victim when I want to be and to beg the nasty cruel doctor, pirate, rapist etc to stop.

We use red. Meatloaf is fine - but if you’re going to be getting really intense and your good pain has turned to bad pain and you want to tap out - are you SURE your sub is gonna remember Meatloaf in the heat of the moment? I know at times I can barely get red out

I know at times I can barely get red out

@Nurse_Phillips has your husband ever stopped it on his own when you get to that point?

@Nurse_Phillips has your husband ever stopped it on his own when you get to that point?

He has but not always. If we’ve agreed ahead of time it’s going to be an intense/limits pushing session he might not. He’ll check in if he gets concerned: “OK?” And I’ll say “green” or whatever.

We practice RACK Risk Aware Consensual Kink because some of what we do is neither safe nor sane.

My wife will not let me use a “Safe” word !😃

I think stop would be the most common but it's okay to get creative as long as both partners know what the safe word is.

For me its 🥥 coconut. I know its funny but trust me there's a back story about that lol

I think stop would be the most common but it's okay to get creative as long as both partners know what the safe word is.

For me its 🥥 coconut. I know its funny but trust me there's a back story about that lol

'Stop', as well as other words such as 'no!' is precisely why safe words are needed: so the sub/bottom can yell stop! and no! to no avail while their dom/top can continue whatever they're doing, pretending it's all done non-consensually! 😈

Lemonade is mine!

What's your safe word?

For most people, when you reach the point when you will be administering spankings to someone on a regular basis, whether once, twice or more times a week or less.

No matter what the situation is there should be absolute trust in both people. The giver and the receiver. And the giver has to learn what the receiver is looking for and how much they want and how much they can take.

And if a safe word helps to control the situation then so be it.

I have found it is always the attraction there is between two people as well as the ability to open up as to what you need and want and the ability to tell someone these things and say I need! or I want!

Then you share and from that point forward all should be well.

As i have read others say, the stop light colors work well

I don't have one. My owner/wife has never went to far to were I need one yet, but here's hoping.

@HeartbeatLilly - Meatloaf! LOL!!

Mine is “ten”. And it hasn’t been used yet. The interesting thing is, that with that you can use a numbering system that you’re partner can use letting you know what level their add. Always interesting to know how fast or slow they are moving to ten. Then depending on mood you can speed it up or slow it down.

I use the traffic light system because I'm boring. If my sub is gagged I give him an object to drop. But it's usually easy to tell when he is near his limit. I don't think he's actually used a safeword in the last several years.

@Phoenix25 LOL, "pineapple" is the safe word here!!! Goes alone pretty good with coconut!!!

Mine is "dont stop"

I've tried different kinds of safe words with different partners, everything form "emu" (not quite a llama) to "taco bell" (yeah, that was a weird relationship all around). With my last partner we tried "stop" for a bit, but, as many of you have said, it just didn't work well for us because it came up too naturally in the course of play when we didn't want to stop. It confused things. Ultimately we landed on "I'm done" (or "we're done") which was by far the best and easiest one I've used. Will definitely be sticking to that one for future play.

Haven’t needed one yet. But thinking I may as my experiences develop.

Haven’t needed one yet. But thinking I may as my experiences develop.

@GraceT Haven't needed to use one or haven’t needed to have one? You should always have a prearranged way to clearly let your partner know it’s getting to be too much or you need it to stop. Even if it’s just STOP, but as others have said that could be confusing. Think about making it a matter of habit to be clear with your partner just in case.

I also use the traffic light system.

Red = stop

Orange = be careful, you're over the limit

Green = keep going or everything's fine

My safe word is piano. It was from a while back when I would play with a woman who also had one and introduced me to safe words. It was her safe word so I decided to use it. It kinda stuck and it's like engrained in my brain so I know if I say piano all stimulation stops. Sadly I have noone to play with like that now because my wife now is not into anything other than plain sex but I still have it locked in as piano.

Margaret Thatcher. Stops everything dead.

Red Light or stop.

I agree with others here, traffic light system for scenarios where I can use my mouth. We also use a physical cue when I can’t… When I grab him where I can reach with my hand and wrap all fingers around him and don’t let go- that means stop.

We picked this as I’m not grabby when we’re in green means go mode, I may use my hands to touch him or stuff, but I don’t grab.

Once we were doing some interesting “drowning” play in our pool and I was holding his hand the whole time as he pushed me under the water. If I started to grab he let me up for air.

When I have played, I am normally the top. The bottom (my girlfriend) picked the safe word: Here are some of the safe words they have picked:

John Allegro

Chevron

Ford Convertible

Red

The phrase Ford Convertible, is a reference to Ford Convertible bond.