For the Men - Bisexual attraction

For guys that have sex with both men and women are you attracted to one more than the other? Is the attraction pure lust or is there an emotional connection?

I love women and become emotionaly attracted to them where as with men it's all about sex. Nothing more.

I would more likely have an emotional attraction for women, although lust is also a good part of it especially for short-term interactions. For men it's primarily lust. Lately, I have been more attracted to trans and cross-dressers.

With women it's all about love and attraction to their body - the scent of their skin and hair....

I’m 75 and was intimate ONLY with women until the last few years. Medical conditions caused me to become impotent and my wife was not interested in any “alternative” forms of intimacy. PLEASE READ my Zity profile for more details on this. I’ve always been very “anal oriented” and started looking toward men for intimacy. I now find many men to be very attractive to me (butts, cocks, etc.). Although, so far, I have had very limited M2M experience involving enemas, hugging, kissing, anal finger play, toys, etc., ALL of which have been very pleasing and very much mutually enjoyed. At some point, I look forward to having a guy screw me in my butthole for the “ultimate” hook up. I’ve even asked my wife to play with me anally (with a strap-on) but she refuses and even told me to find someone else to do it if I want it that badly.

I DO!

@Niki_Swallows , I am the same as you, with men it’s just about the sex, about me pleasing them with my mouth and ass. Speaking of which, it’s been too long…

Lately, I have been more attracted to trans and cross-dressers.

There are so many images of trans and crossdressers who are not recognizable as male except when showing genitalia or an obvious bulge under underwear. Many when 'fully' dressed are, to me at least, impossible to tell apart from real ladies.

Which has me often wondering how many ladies walking around, especially in a large city, are trans or crossdresser? I have been able to recognize a few now and then, but I am certain I've seen many more and not realized it. Sometimes in a café for instance, I like to imagine that a particular lady might just a very well be a crossdresser or trans except for genitalia.

It's just fantasy and I've never been able to confirm, but it's fun nonetheless at times.

Complex topic me thinks.

my story is partly in my profile and scattered around Zity's forum, so i'll spare the details here. Short version is i knew and admitted i am attracted to the same sex from an early age, but was religiously conditioned to believe that was "sick and sinful." Didn't even believe it was a valid thing. As a result, i married a woman and stayed married 31 years, all the while trying to de-gay myself. Didn't work.

When i came to a place of self acceptance and divorced, i thought i might be Bi. After all, we'd had lots of sex over 31 years. After divorce, i dated a woman (lol, she was a visiting professor from Germany who had her doctorate in women's studies and was lesbian and having new desires for men, but that's another story). She wanted sex, and while i found her attractive, i realized i did not want sex with her. I also dated a trans person (FtM) and had similar challenges with them not having a penis. i realized pretty quickly that i'm not Bi (my former wife is the only woman i have ever had sex with).

But i did wonder at how and why i was able to have sex with her all those years even though i'm gay?

Retrospectively i came to view my marriage as a sort of prison experience. Sex with my former wife was sort of like straight guys who go to prison and have sex with other men, even though they still identify as straight. The "prison" was neither the marriage or my wife, but the beliefs i had that kept me from accepting who and how i am.

Once i processed out of those beliefs, saw through them, it was like getting out of prison for me and i have never had the desire for sex with a woman since.

That said, i subscribe to the spectrum theory of human sexuality, i just feel i'm at the far end of the spectrum.

There are so many images of trans and crossdressers who are not recognizable as male except when showing genitalia or an obvious bulge under underwear. Many when 'fully' dressed are, to me at least, impossible to tell apart from real ladies.

Which has me often wondering how many ladies walking around, especially in a large city, are trans or crossdresser? I have been able to recognize a few now and then, but I am certain I've seen many more and realized it. Sometimes in a café for instance, I like to imagine that a particular lady might just a very well done crossdresser or trans except for genitalia.

It's just fantasy and I've never been able to confirm, but it's fun nonetheless at times.

To complicate matters, many transpeople would be offended at the notion they are not "real ______" (fill in the blank with their perception of who they are).

i had a crush on a doctor at the hospital where i work. He was cute, tall, quiet, shy. i came back to work one day and "he" had transitioned to "she." i had a Victor/Victoria moment (or two).

i've also been with more than a few Guys Who wanted me dressed in women's garments, lingerie. At 6'5" and 200#, i can't begin to pass as what most perceive as female, let alone feminine. Yet, when a Man sees me that way, it brings something decidedly feminine out of me. It's not as though He makes me that way, rather, it's already there and surfaces (or comes out of hiding?) because of His desire (and acceptance?).

Solo? i do not consider myself a transperson, nor do i think of myself as a woman in a mans body... but i do perceive myself as something somewhere in the middle (not talking "versatile" or "switch" or "Bi," just sexually "bottom", receptive... which alines more with a women to me than a guy).

Okay, mentioned below in #3 about my love of women.... With men it's all about the way a horny man thinks. So with women, it's about their bodies, with men their minds (okay, and also a raging erection).

Ok,For almost all my life I have been heterosexual,and loved it! However, sex with a

woman stopped many years ago, when I had prostate surgery. About 2years ago, I started to watch transexual porn,and discovered I loved cocks when attached to a body with breasts. Not long after that realization, I came to the conclusion that breasts weren't necessary for me to get excited about cocks alone. So here I am. I love everything about cocks and will do all I can to make a dock owner happy!

will do all I can to make a dock owner happy!

A "dock" owner? 😄 Oh well, I like your post and can relate to it as I have a thing for cocks with big bulbous heads.

I’ve even asked my wife to play with me anally (with a strap-on) but she refuses and even told me to find someone else to do it if I want it that badly.

So speaking as someone exclusively attracted to older men I can say your story is pretty common. I have enjoyed many an encounter with an older man who was no longer sexual with his wife. In some cases they were just looking for a blow job. They weren't specifically interested in men, they just needed a mouth. They were usually a little...stiff. They didn't want anything they did to be mistaken as "gay".

I've also been fortunate to be the "first" for a couple of guys. I take that pretty seriously. Someone is placing a lot of trust in me and I want their first time to be as positive for them as it can be. That means going slow, paying attention to what they are enjoying and not enjoying, and sometimes just sitting back and letting them take the lead. It is so magical to be kissed by a man who is kissing another man for the first time after years, maybe decades of fantasies. Never mind what it's like to give a man his first non-medical prostate massage. One man, who I miss dearly, cried after his orgasm. I had been massaging his prostate while giving him a blow job and he had a VERY powerful orgasm. He became emotional because it was even better than his fantasies. That was a very special moment.

I'm glad that your wife knows you're exploring. It makes things so much easier. I had a friend once whose wife was happy for him to be playing. He became happier and the three of us were all clear - I wasn't after him for any sort of exclusive relationship. I was truly an "intimate friend". And his wife was a delightful woman who was a very good cook. He often came over with leftovers for me. 😃

Clearly, I have zero judgement for a man in a sexless marriage who chooses to explore other options. And I'm quite confused by women who would deny their husband this. If they no longer want to have a sex life then fine. But they have no right to deny that to their husband. Unless she wants a divorce she should just relax.

@NetBear They didn't want anything they did to be mistaken as "gay"...

Great post! Enjoyed your thoughts... Oh, the fear of being labeled..... I've seen that too..

Sexuality is multifaceted and complicated.

Every person I think if completely unfettered with the psychological baggage from religious mores built around guilt and shame could explore their sexuality purely on the basis of what feels right for them. The weight of worrying about how society or their immediate friends and family view them can suppress their true sexual identity from coming to full fruition.

I have posted about my sexual evolution throughout my life on other threads. To make a long story short, I think I was and always have been bisexual. It took decades to work through the scary thought that if I ever had a sexual experience with another man, that I would somehow be a different person without any way to return to an exclusive heterosexual comfort zone which all of my friends and family view me as being. Yes, it was very scary for me.

So, after experiencing same sex encounters, I realized I was still the same person and I like having sex with both men and women- the sky did not fall in my world. Now for complete transparency, I am married and play I with guys on the downlow. I think my wife suspects I might be attracted to men, but we seem to have arrived at a don't ask don't tell status.

With all that said, the OP asked the question- being bi, are you more attracted to women or men?

I think it really depends on the person's personality and yes physical appearance too. When it comes to men, I thought it was always just about sex and getting off. I have met some guys that I really like as a person, and I do ask myself could I ever fall in love with a guy and leave women behind. At this point I would say no, I would still favor a woman over a man for a romantic relationship. But now having gotten to know some of my male sex partners, I do find their personalities as appealing and comfortable to be with after the sex is over.

So, would I ever fall in love with a guy and have a monogamous relationship with a guy? I would still say no but where I once said no way, I now can say not likely but not totally out of the question. Being bisexual, I really don't want to give up sex with either men or women to enter in a monogamous relationship with just one or the other.

As I said sexuality is complicated and if you let your sexuality take you where it feels right anything is possible.

Human sexuality is indeed complicated, very personal and can evolve.

I used to be 100% straight with not even a single slightest thought about sex with males. Then when I got involved in D/s play, so called "forced bi" happened and I begun to have sex with males. it was about 15 years ago. Initially I saw that instead of males and females there were dominants and submissives and their actual sexes were not important. I still have that outlook when D/s play is involved.

And then about 10 years ago I realised that I do find some males sexually attractive.

However, with males it is still purely sex, I have no desire to have any romantic relationship.

A "dock" owner? 😄 Oh well, I like your post and can relate to it as I have a thing for cocks with big bulbous heads.

Loves big boats?

There seems to be a part of the brain that looks for stasis? It seems to me that the brain wants to reach conclusions about stuff and i've wondered if it's because one perceives that as security? But when i think about it, the very essence of life (as i see it) is motion, movement, change. The only real cessation of motion is 'death,' and even that is questionably just another movement, change. Though some things in nature seem to move fast, others move so slowly that their movement cannot be easily perceived.

So, sex and sexuality? Some cultures institute monogamy and there are all sorts of prohibitions about what and how sex should be... some believe it's a "sin" or "kinky" to have sex in any position but "missionary" (aptly named?).

i subscribe to the spectrum theory of human sexuality, often described as linear, i see it as multidimensional as well. But even if we describe sexuality in linear terms, we know that there are infinite number of points on a line between A and B. Yet, still, there is this human thing, force, disposition, _______________?, that wants to define, box, label.

It seems we need labels, or at least we use them prominently to communicate. But we often seem to do this thing where the label uses us instead of us using it as a means of describing, communicating, connecting.

i think the inclination to label, consciously or unconsciously, is what defeats a lot of ongoing relationships. The 'drive?' for stasis (death wish? lol) wants to "know" a person, but that knowing often means putting them in a box where they remain the same, we seem to associate static with dependable.

But is our sense of security both an illusion and delusional? If reality is life is motion, movement, change, isn't the forced illusion of stasis a denial of reality? When we relate to our "knowledge" or 'label' of another person, don't we stop seeing, hearing and relating to what/who is actually there? To me, "living" requires constant looking and listening vs total reliance on "knowledge." i think active listening and looking keeps our knowledge current.

lol, sorry about this post, i got pretty ethereal here.

Good question. Since childhood I've been accused of being gay for ignorant reasons. My physical size and flexibility, disinterest in sports, and my shyness around girls, later women.

But, my accusers ignored my Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler subscriptions. They didn't pay attention to my undressing women with my eyes. And, as I went from my 20s into my 40s, they discounted my marriage and subsequent string of affairs (including one of their girlfriends who argued with them on my behalf!).

However, when I allowed myself to express my fetishes, it were men who responded to my personal ads. Men gave me enemas, rectal exams, probes etc. No women were interested, not even my affairs.

Did this mean I were gay, bisexual or some other orientation? No. I still break my neck to stare at woman. My playing with men simply means I take what opportunities I am offered.

To me, being LBGT+ is about attraction, emotional and sexual. My fetish is "gender blind." Would I have sex with a man? Yes, including having been raped (not my fetish and I don't want to do it again).

.... shyness around girls, later women....accusers ignored my Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler subscriptions ....... didn't pay attention to my undressing women with my eyes ....discounted my marriage and subsequent string of affairs ...... Men gave me enemas, rectal exams, probes etc.......

Wow - I could have written the same about myself! Where I differ is in spending hours practicing to be an Olympic discuss thrower, but my sexual shyness around the opposite sex always was a big concern.

I am mostly attracted to women, but have enjoyed having sex with both women and other guys. When I watch porn, I enjoy watching women much more then men. For me, sex with guys is much more about the raw sex & pleasure, and there is almost never an emotional component.

That being said, there is a guy with whom I have had sex with for many years, and I find that I am having emotional feelings now for him. We can share ANYTHING about our secret desires, fetishes, and fantasies. I have been married twice to women. The 1st time for 36 years, and now a 2nd time for almost 3 years. I have never found that kind of openness in a relationship with any woman in all my years! I am so grateful to have him in my life!

I enjoy both sexes for sexual pleasure and have always been attracted to both for sex. For emotional companionship and relationship I prefer women.

I think that the best answer should be " lust". I "lust" to have sex with men and women, equally!! Their physical assets ( penis, breast, ass, vulva) excite me greatly, and I love what can be done with them! For reproduction, obviously the woman excels. For physical and visual stimulation, another man excels. For long term relationships, both excel. For child raising, both are needed. To me there is no single answer.

I think most men are at heart bisexual. I started experimenting with sex with a group of boys in the 6th grade. We loved to get naked together and play with each other. The first time was very careful and fearful, but once we found how much we enjoyed the touch of other boys, we got together when ever we could. We were old enough to get hard, but not cum. One of the guy's older brother joined us and initiated us into anal penetration. Before that, we only used fingers and household things and Vaseline. I love to have him in me, and as others grew to be able to penetrate, I love to be the girl. It was great sex, but not romantic.

When we discovered girls really liked sex, our boytoboy play dropped off. I found I loved girls - all parts of girls, especially breasts. I only got hard from seeing a pretty girl, and being with one. I had many.

After more than 60 years I can say I have never had a my cock in a boy or man, but many in me. And I have never been attracted romantically to a man. I love women, and have had many, and was married for over 50 years. But still took the opportunity to have men whenever it was safe - in gay baths or from Craig's List or Adam4Adam.

I have been very happy with my sex life, and still am. I agree with DaveSF that I enjoy both sexes for pleasure but women for emotional companionshilp and relationship. I can see how others could have different emotional patterns and respect all. There is no "right" way to love and live. It must meet each individual's needs and comfort zone.

I've homophobic just can't do it yet

I've homophobic just can't do it yet

Homophobic is a harsh term. It implies a degree of hatred and revulsion.

Perhaps, since you mention the word 'yet', a better term might be 'homo-averse' ... that implies something less intense and negative.

It means that it just isn't your cup of tea, which is quite normal. A sort of 'thanks, but no thanks'.

@agracier is correct, a “phobia” is an irrational fear or intolerance. Homophobic is a fear of, aversion or discrimination against homosexuality or gay people (Webster). Same way transphobic is a negative term. Both encompass a wide range of negative attitudes that include contempt, hatred, prejudice against gay/bi or trans people. They are often used (incorrectly) to characterize someone who doesn’t have an interest or desire in anything other than heterosexuality but isn’t prejudiced towards anyone who is gay or trans…e.g. “it’s just not their thing!”

For men it's blow and go. That said, I have a CD friend that loves cuddling, kissing, etc. Even though I'm not a fan of that (with men or CD men) I do enjoy the attention I get by him fondling me and especially my tits and nipples. It was the same with this gal I was seeing. She would fondle me briefly but what she really wanted was a good fuck and thank you, buy.

I must admit, that the more cocks that I suck, the more I want to suck cocks for their feel and taste! And, I want their cum filling my mouth. A " blow and go" activity, is becoming more appealing to me me, as I am not available for any type of relationship. And I can suck more cocks. I do have one NSA relationship, that I love. We will spend 2-3 hours enjoying each other, and talking. But, I can't expect that with every man I meet. Blow and go is ok with me.

I was strictly female only since I was a teen until I reached the age of 55. I was doing a lot of business traveling, sometimes spending a week or two at the same location. At one location I was at my hotel bar watching a ball game and joined into conversation with another male traveler. It was late when the game ended and we both left together. On the way to the elevator he said he had some beer in his room if I would like to have another. I agreed and told him I could use the company. We ended up having an interesting conversation about extended business travel and he mentioned that he solved the sex problem on the road while staying true to his wife. That being said he told me that when he traveled he only had sex with men. I found that interesting since I had not had MM sex since I was a teenager and had been thinking about it for the last couple of years. To make a long story short, we ended up in bed together and I found the sex with him very enjoyable. I especially enjoyed being the bottom. From that point on, when traveling, I spent a lot of time in my hotel's bar trolling for bored businessmen. I was successful 50% to 60% of the time.

. We ended up having an interesting conversation about extended business travel and he mentioned that he solved the sex problem on the road while staying true to his wife. That being said he told me that when he traveled he only had sex with men.

Well, good for the guy who thought it 'solved' the sex problem. If he was happy and gave him peace of mind, so be it. Though I don't read what his wife thought of his notions.

But in reality he was being quite the hypocrite. Sex is sex, with whatever gender you have it with. That's like the old one about anal sex not really being sex since there is no vaginal penetration, or girlfriends giving blow-jobs or hand-jobs also not really being sex.

If you believe that, you can make yourself believe any kind of 'justification' for having one kind of sex or another.

I'm not condemning anyone, but people should at least be honest with themselves when they do have sex of whatever kind with others than their married spouses.