Physical fuck and mind fuck

I'm on vacation a few days in Palm Springs. It's a sorta gay Mecca, about half the population is gay. There's also several 'gay resorts,' which are more like a highbred sex club with hotel rooms

Tthis kind of 'vacation' (aka "sexcation") is several 24 hour days with other men looking for sex. As an aside, as a gay total bottom, i always loose weight on this kind of trip. The oft undiscussed subject of douche/clean out is ever a factor. Humans have about 25 feet of intestinal tract, about 4 feet of that is colon. It's always moving stuff to the end, and eating stimulates more movement. So guys like me ofter forego eating for long periods to try and interrupt the elimination process and remain clean and available for a Man to fill.

The above is part of what got me thinking about what i see as a more holistic view of sex that includes the whole person, not just the physical act. Few would probably argue with the notion that sex is in the mind, not just the body. Yet, i don't find many guys in the gay community (and would not be surprised if this extends to others like straights), who put much thought or effort into exploring, understanding or pursuing "mind fuck" as an integral (foundational?) part of sex/sexuality.

my experience with most of the gay community (and i wonder if this is also a guy thing?) is most gay guys seem to go for quantity over quality. i see sex as a way we connect with another. i think humans need to connect and bond, sex is a powerful way to do that. i see all people as made up of similar parts, and what makes us unique and individual is no two people have those parts put together in the same way. i think we have a drive to look for (consciously or not) others who compliment us (compatibility). i think this as natural, like how a proton and electron naturally attract and bond forming something new... but it's a lot more complex than that. As humans we have thoughts and emotions to go along with our natural attractions to polar opposites.

So, we create sites like Zity to discuss and try to find people more likely to aline with us.

A few things i see contribute to not pursuing understanding and experiencing mind fuck is, it's not on a lot of guys radar. It's not like we are taught about mind fuck in sex ed. Also, keeping it physical is a lot easer, faster and more available. Gay guys have a ton of sex venues, clubs, aps, hotels/resorts. The even have regular events like: "cumunion." (it's just what it sounds like).

Personally, i long for the mind fuck connection with a Man, and i'm single lol. i write these long profiles on sites purportedly intended for meeting other guys, but even the sincere 'dating' sites are generally all about sex and hook up. i think many of the guys who want 'more' have no clue about what exactly constitutes "more," let alone how to go about getting it. That's a huge part of the problem, as i see it. Those guys who want the 'mind fuck' side of sex/relationship along with the physical, don't really know what that means to them, they just know they want it and have an unconscious expectation that it just happens... and i know this overlaps with the straight world (i was married to a woman for 31 years). It's generally called: "falling in love," as though "love" is a mud puddle we slip and "fall into," vs something we purposefully pursue with knowledge and understanding.

So, i think a lot of us get caught up in filling the void with fast easy sex vs the more complicated purposeful pursuit of "mind fuck."

i know, this is random thoughts and the topic could fill a library... which is why i want to be a reader and find others wandering the aisle of the "library."

@tallslenderguy I’ve followed several of your posts and a theme that often repeats is the “mindfuck” aspect of sex – the strong emotional connection that increases the physical pleasure/aspect. I really respect that. Several threads here on Zity describe hot sexual encounters with their partner(s) – but what makes them especially great to read is the connection they have with those who they share these intimacies with. It’s so much more than sex. Some only get the “hawt” sex part – others read a little deeper and get the emotional ties. I was married for several years with a great physical partner before I met my current wife. We connected physically and mentally, and sex was incredibly different/better with her than before. Forty some years later we still have both – but the physical side has scaled down and the “mindfuck” (using your term) side has increased. In short, sex is better. I don’t see why there would be a difference in a gay relationship.

But I think it is less likely to occur in recreational sex (straight or gay) – not that it can’t, but (IMHO) it’s something that has to develop. Going to Palm Springs for a few days of sexploration should be fun with lots of opportunities, but the mental part isn’t likely to occur.

Just my thoughts. My best to you and I hope you have a fabulous vacation and enjoy yourself down there!

@tallslenderguy I’ve followed several of your posts and a theme that often repeats is the “mindfuck” aspect of sex – the strong emotional connection that increases the physical pleasure/aspect. I really respect that.

Thanks for paying attention and thoughtfully responding Rigel, to me and others here on Zity. You are a wonderful member of this community.

i know that the term "mind fuck" generally conjures up some, what i would consider culturally conditioned, negative feelings. Even the word "fuck" does in many circles. Am thinking less so in kink culture though, where the status quo is questioned more freely. Still, like many culturally conditioned emotions/notions/biases, we often experience responses that contradict our rational or cognitive response. The dominant pedant attitude comes up with (often more euphemistic?) terms like "making love" to assert their brand of fucking as somehow morally superior. From my perspective, "mind fuck" is not the pejorative some would make it, but a beautiful and desirable thing.

For instance, i'm deeply aroused, attracted and bonded to certain types of degradation (but not just any generic form). Which sets up a sort of cognitive dissonance that turns out to be simultaneously embarrassing and pleasurable... but pleasure wins out lol.

i purposely work to not fragment my sexuality from the rest of me, but rather look to integrate all my parts. i think there are myriad versions of this phenomenon, but i've no doubt many relate, especially on a kink site like Zity, just from a different perspective.

i think the mind is included in all sex, whether we are aware of that or not. To me, part of the adventure and wonder of the natural gift of our sexuality, is it is as infinite as life. i think we kill that experience, or seriously disable it, when we restrict it to some mindless, repetitive ritual. To me, what You describe with Your current wife, is what i mean by mind fuck. I would speculate that the physical side of sex would change, if not "scale down" the more it becomes integrated with the rest of who and how we are?

When i look at it, to/for me, sex is about connecting with another person in an intimate way. i think that never has to get old as long as we remain compatible and engaged.

i think "recreational sex" is kinda like fast food. It fills the void, fast and cheap, but is not nearly as satisfying on more levels as a seven course meal prepared by a talented chef. i'm suggesting we'd benefit if we all learned how to cook better, and keep taking classes as well.

The dominant pedant attitude comes up with (often more euphemistic?) terms like "making love" to assert their brand of fucking as somehow morally superior. From my perspective, "mind fuck" is not the pejorative some would make it, but a beautiful and desirable thing.

I know what you mean by "mind fuck" and nothing wrong with the way you use it. Let the moralists use whatever terms fit and work for them and trash others. "Fuck" is a very versatile word - , noun verb, adjective...negative or positive. There's a separate thread on that delicious word!

When i look at it, to/for me, sex is about connecting with another person in an intimate way. i think that never has to get old as long as we remain compatible and engaged.

i think "recreational sex" is kinda like fast food. It fills the void, fast and cheap, but is not nearly as satisfying on more levels as a seven course meal prepared by a talented chef. i'm suggesting we'd benefit if we all learned how to cook better, and keep taking classes as well.

Good analogy - good sex happens, great sex takes work. We should all go to school and become "Gourmet" lovers! 😄