Need some guidance, please!

Hi all .. umm, I need some help.

(Swallow your pride, Dave…)

Okay so for years I have heard about prostate stimulation and wanted to try. I have never been able to “find” my prostate with my fingers. So I read up and learned that some guys can’t reach it and need to use a toy. So I got on Amazon and bought a generic prostate vibrating toy for $30.

Tonight I decided to take some time alone. I opened my new toy. I spread out a towel on the bed. I got out my extra towels, a big tube of astroglide, and decided, okay I’ll try to get aroused and relax and try to have fun with this. And I’ll try to go slow.

So with lots of lube I felt inside with a finger, tried to relax, gently pushed and relaxed again. Then I tried to slowly push the toy in and I had no luck. So I turned the power on and it felt okay, and I thought maybe it would be relaxing. But I couldn’t get it to go in. And I tried to get more aroused and get in the moment, and I still can’t get this to work. I don’t know why I can’t get the toy to go in or to do anything for me.

Finally I was sore from trying this and very frustrated. I finally got out my flesh light to give myself a good pleasure experience out of this ordeal. I came inside it and that was nice of course.

And now I am left to clean up and I just feel gross and want to cry.

I’m obviously doing something wrong but I may try again tomorrow. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thank you for reading and thanks in advance for any tips you can offer. Cheers.

No embarrassment needed here. It happens to almost all butt players sometime. The anus is designed to stay closed except when material is exiting. The natural response is to close tightly to anything trying to enter.

I suggest letting go of the goal of internal prostate massage and substitute the process of just enjoying hands, toys, and lube stimulating your anus. Reprogramming the anus to relax its sphincters takes time and patience. Enjoy the sensations without any pressure to achieve anything. It may take many sessions of exploration before the anus will relax and allow something to enter. It's important to never force anything.

You didn't mention the type of prostate stimulator you bought. It may be too big for you. I suggest you try a slim butt plug to help in this process. The Tantus "Little Flirt" or "Ripple Small" may bring you much fun. https://www.tantusinc.com/collections/beginner-friendly-plugs

Another consideration is the type of lube you use. I prefer silicone lube or coconut oil to Astroglide. They are much more slippery and easier to clean up.

Have fun & play safe

Thank you, Al, for the encouragement and the suggestions!! I’m pretty sure you’re right that the toy I got is (way) too big. I will check out what you mentioned and get something slimmer.

I have plenty of coconut oil in the kitchen. Or it looks like there is a lot of anal-specific lube for sale on Amazon. It never occurred to me that anal might need a different kind. Astroglide has always been awesome for vaginal sex and for fleshlight solo play, but I’ll surely try something different for this.

I’m very grateful for all this valuable advice. I will report back at some point. Time and patience needed. Got it. Cheers.

I find it helpfull to try to shit. It opens your ass a little, and when I do that for several short periods while I'm pushing a dildo it makes it easier.

I have to admit, i hate Astoglide as a anal lube - i find it not just that slippery for anal use and way to thin to hold on to a toy, it just gets wiped off on the way in and then no lube which equals no fun! I would look for a good quality thick water based anal lube with nothing that will deaden the sensation. As for penetration, it can take a while to get relaxed enough to allow anal penetration, if you are new to things you can be so excited that adrenaline tightens everything up, and its just not going to happen. Getting used to it, and maybe just try going through your outer ring first and enjoying that. You have conscious control on that one and can open it up. The inner needs to relax and open on its own, you will get there, all about relaxing, enjoying and not forcing anything. Things will happen when they are ready to. The first few times are always the same, you will soon get used to it and then you will really find out how good anal play is.

Here is a link that might help you for information at least about anal lube. I have used this one, and its really good.

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/lubes-essentials/lubricants/anal-lubes/p/lovehoney-discover-water-based-anal-lubricant-250ml/65526.html

If at first you don't succeed, try again!

@SlimDave,

You have good advice from your Zity friends here so far, might be all you need. I’ve written a fair amount here on prostate stimulation, and I’ll offer any advice if I can. I’ve been prostate stimulating very successfully for several years now. Can you specify a couple of things a bit more, just to help my aging cognition see where your stumbling blocks might be lessened?

1. You can get your finger in past your whole anus/sphincters, but not enough to feel your prostate? If so, VERY common, including myself. Men likely need a unique combination of “the right stuff”- the right torso length, arm + finger length and multi-joint flexibility to add up to pushing your finger in far enough for long enough to feel your prostate. I discovered quickly that I don’t have the right stuff for this either, so I started using toys like you have.

2. Have you ever in your life been able to push anything of any diameter through your anus other than your finger? If so, did it feel good or not?

3. My understanding of your description is that even though your finger can get in, your toy literally cannot even go past your anal skin, so stays stuck completely outside your anus? It opens or dilates enough for your finger, but won’t open at all for your toy? This happens temporarily to me sometimes putting a wide plug in myself. I get it to work by pushing my finger through first, and/or adding lube plus relaxing/pushing out with my sphincter.

4. Have you ever had or been given an enema successfully (i.e., the nozzle went in fine)?

I own a few different sizes of butt plugs of different materials (Stainless Steel and silicones) and bought a specific toy to use on my prostate (njoy Stainless Steel PureWand).

Thank you,

Eric

I’ve bought a few different products over the years, and none of them were effective or comfortable. I would imagine that something on the thin side, that slowly moves in/out, and twirls, might do the trick. I’ve used a rectal thermometer as a prostate massager.

Thanks everybody for your great tips and non-judgmental and non-awkward encouragement .. really appreciated!

@LoveButtplugs thanks, great advice. I will pay attention two the two different rings. And you are right, there's a psychological barrier to it. That's why I was trying to do it along with sexual arousal, hoping it would be fun/relaxing. But maybe I was just putting too much excitement into it and that meant it just locked up tight.

@ericmacson

1. Yes, you got it. I don't think I have ever actually found it. I can get my finger in definitely more than two knuckles deep which is far enough to feel around a lot though.

2. No, not really. I definitely need to go for something super thin as suggested by @JJM

3. Yes, again you got it. I think I will try what @Nicky62 said. Counterintuitive to think about pushing something out when you're actually trying to go in, but maybe that will do the trick.

4. No...

When I get some alone time, I'll experiment again and post later. Thanks for your help!

@SlimDave,

@ericmacson

1. Yes, you got it. I don't think I have ever actually found it. I can get my finger in definitely more than two knuckles deep which is far enough to feel around a lot though.

Good, glad I understood you, just about like myself - can’t get in far enough to feel my prostate except possibly the very lower edge. The prostate is located on the anterior/front side of the rectum only, under the rectal mucosa. It doesn’t wrap around the whole rectum, so with either your finger or any toy or implement used you need to find it on the front side. In my experience, when you find it, you’ll know it. At least for me, the rich innervation of the rectal mucosa makes just touching any part of the inside of your rectum when your finger or toy gets in very pleasurable. However, touching and massaging the prostate feels very different and much more directly sexual than the rectum around it. To me, touching the rectum inside feels very pleasant - but touching the prostate suddenly changes and feels like you’re pushing your “start an orgasm” button.

2. No, not really. I definitely need to go for something super thin as suggested by @JJM.

I agree that starting with getting your anal sphincter to open up and get a smaller diameter toy in might be easier. You will have taught yourself how to do it. So then I’m sure once you get a toy or probe of any size in, then getting in larger diameter ones will be much easier.

3. Yes, again you got it. I think I will try what @Nicky62 said. Counterintuitive to think about pushing something out when you're actually trying to go in, but maybe that will do the trick.

Like you say, moving your anorectal muscles like you’re trying to push out a poop might seem backwards and make it harder to get your toy to go in, but it really works. It does work because part of the complex “pooping out” muscle movements includes your body opening up or loosening your sphincter to allow poop exiting, or in your case, your toy entering you. I’ve done this many, many times with inserting wide plugs, and though you may in fact feel a slight push out from your sphincter, you’ll also definitely feel it opening to let your toy in.

Good luck, and let us know how youre doing. Only my 2¢ opinion here, but it’s really worth the effort.

Eric

Hi Dave,

It sounds like you want instant gratification and I understand that. When it comes to things anal, however, I recommend you slow down and start with smaller size items. I use one finger, then two, and then spread the fingers apart to gradually open up. Doing this yourself, you have instant fedback and can spread your fingers and unspread them if it gets too intense. Be patient and keep going...