Moms using mild humiliation during toilet training.

How many Moms used a little mild humiliation during the time they were toilet training their toddlers? Could this have consequences later in life associated with diapers and humiliation?

I don’t remember many specifics, but my mom definitely used humiliation tactics to achieve her goal, of being done with dealing with diapers. I’m sure, the fraise ”you don’t want everyone to think you’re still a baby, who has to wear diapers”, was used plenty of times.

I sincerely hope that no “real” mothers have stooped so low as to use humiliation in this difficult stage of bringing up your children !

Sort of like the thread on “humiliation” vs “embarrassment” - most (have to say most because there are always exceptions!) parents might use a little bit of “shame” tactics to urge kids to use the potty - but not with the intention of humiliating them. Lots of kids just don't want to take a break from “playtime” to use the bathroom - and need reminders.

I would think that positive rewarding would work much better than any kind of humiliation. Seems like basic kid rearing.

Luvs It that was one line I heard so many times from different Moms.

I would think that positive rewarding would work much better than any kind of humiliation. Seems like basic kid rearing.

I'll defer to @Agracier that “positive reinforcement” is more effective than “humiliation” as some said or “shaming” as I said. My grandson recently finished toilet training with a lot of positive reinforcement from his mom and dad.

My own experience growing up in the 50's was that parents often used mild embarrassment or humiliation to encourage their kids to potty train. My mother did not long after my sister was born. I was 4 and still had to wear diapers and rubber pants during the day. Mom told me a few times that now that I had a baby sister who needed to wear diapers, I should be a good example to her and use the toilet instead of having to be diapered like a baby. I tried but couldn't do it. After a while, she stopped saying that and assured me it was OK if I needed more time. I continued to wet my pants when I started kindergarten and the other kids soon knew I was wearing diapers. I got teased a lot because of that, and my mom at first told me I was too old not to use the toilet like all the other kids in my class. I finally stopped wearing diapers in the first grade, but by then I'd been embarrassed for a long time about needing diapers, especially in the first grade when my mother would come by at lunch time and change my wet diapers when everyone else was out having lunch and playing.

I don't remember my mother using any mild humiliation. I do remember her using praise when I did do well. I remember my Aunt putting my in a diaper for bed while at her house. She did use some mild humiliation saying I was too old to be wearing diapers still. I was a bedwetter until 5 or 6.

I agree with @Rigel that positive reinforcement works better than punishment, shaming or humiliation. The threat of punishment, shaming or humiliation adds stress to an already stressful time. I would tell someone that accidents are part of the learning process

If I was training someone I would periodically remind them to use the potty. Sometimes someone doesn't want to stop what they are doing to use the potty which leads to an accident.

I would take things slowly and let them master one thing and build their confidence before moving on to the next step.

……mlld humiliation. Growing up in our family with six kids was a disaster. Any family with six kids was a disaster. We were all well loved and cared for. BUT, there was zero tolerance for misbehavior of any sort. And that included bedwetters and pants wetters. Being the second eldest meant I got to see a lot of wetter motivation. Every little kid has oopses. Just don't have too many (whatever amount that was) or you'll be called up front and center after dinner for Dads nightly trial. (My sisters loved it because I was always on trial).

Occasionally there was one of us was up for bedwetting. We got a stern lecture about bedwetting as this was sheer laziness and wouldn't be tolerated. RUBBER PANTS AND DIAPERS! Was always threatened as the solution. You were questioned if you thought this was what you wanted as you obviously wet the bed. Dad made a real scene out of you with his questioning. All of us feared actually being put back in diapers, as it would undoubtedly be a diapering with 5 other kids attending as the cheering squad. We were all ruthless when it came to the others being punished. Another favorite solution of Dads was the threat of being made to sleep in the bathtub. Hmm. that was odd…. But I did see several punishment diaperings in my youth. Once myself. …that was enough!

I don't remember the early toilet training days. That was probably when I was 3-4 and only have a few memories from then.

The humiliation stuff was when I was a lot older. Not anything overtly deliberate (unless I was bad), but just comments here and there.

Sometimes it would be if we were with her friends, then she'd mention things "yes, he's still in nappies...sigh" loud enough for me to hear. Or calling across the room, "Do you need your diaper changed?" Dad didn't every say much, but I remember his comments more from when I was put in diapers because I'd messed my pants. I had a habit of doing that when I was older, and when Dad got home from work and saw me in diapers again, he'd say, "Did someone make a poopy?" OR "Does someone have a wet bum?" "Better come over here and let me check your diapers." And of course, I had to.

I think the worst was at get-togethers or visiting where there would be toddlers in diapers. I used to be scared that one of them would need a diaper change because it would always trigger Mom's thought that I needed one too. I can recall deliberately trying to appear busy playing when a toddler was getting a change, because I always knew the next thing would be Mom asking me how my diaper was. That ususally ended up with me being sent to get my diaper bag and then standing there waiting for my turn on the changing pad. She didn't have to "use" any humilation there!

I only remember one distinct time probably at about 2 or 2-1/2 when I was diapered for bed. It was just a typical occasion that I remember well although I don't know why that particular time stood out. I potty trained at what was probably a relatively appropriate age. It was later when I was almost seven and had a short summer bout with frequent bedwetting that I was put in cloth diapers and plastic pants. I didn't know it was coming. The first night was a diapering where I was held up by my ankles and had three diapers on top of some snap on plastic pants pulled under me, followed by baby powder. The diapers were pinned on. She stuck me with the first pin on my left side and said "I'm sorry, I'm not used to pinning three diapers, your sister only gets double diapered. After the plastic pants were snapped together, she had me roll over on my tummy and tucked in a little tuft of the diaper and said "there, we wouldn't want you to leak!" That was shameful enough on it's own but the humiliation came when I went to the bathroom after I figured that I didn't want to take any chances with waking up wet. We were living in a trailer during the summer and everyone in the trailer area used a common public restroom. I thought I was going to be alone when I entered until a father and his two or two and a half year old diapered son came in to use the bathroom. Here I was considerably taller than the toddler and I was wearing three diapers and plastic pants with the fresh smell of baby powder. I froze and just stood there until they were leaving, when the father paused at the doorway and said "do you need any help?" It was embarrassing enough to be seen at my age wearing diapers let alone being asked by a stranger if I needed any help with my diapers. Unfortunately I wound up still wetting my diapers and was diapered the next night although it was not nearly the same, as it was just a quick double diapering. However it was in the public laundry room and a lady was in doing her laundry. As my mother was helping me put on my pajamas, the lady said "is he a bedwetter?" to which my mother replied "not usually". Fortunately I woke up dry the next morning and wasn't diapered again until one evening in December.

When I wet the bed once (I was too old and in my teens, and it wasn't a regular thing. I might have been sick?) and my mom was really mad about it because I was sleeping on the couch and it was leather. The next day she did something (maybe she dropped something? I can't recall) and said "I couldn't hold it! Like you last night, right?"

I was really embarrassed. Just walked out of the room. Pretty normal reaction from someone getting made fun of for bedwetting. In retrospect I think she meant to lighten the mood after being so mad, but after my reaction she must've realized I didn't take it lightly and never really mentioned me having an accident again, even if she ever discovered I continued to have continence issues past my adolescence (which I take great measures to hide.)

But during actual potty training, I don't think they did. They were annoyed when accidents happened and I took it to heart, but they didn't weaponize it. I have a memory of my aunt asking "would you like to be a big boy who still pees his pants?"

I don't know if it scared me at the time but I do think I have a pretty healthy fear of peeing myself, haha. And to her credit, I was toilet trained pretty shortly after that.