Situations where one parent wants a boy circumcised and the other not

Have you experienced or heard of situations where one parent wants a boy circumcised and the other not? Why such a situation? How was it solved?

There is a German movie dealing with this topic. It's about the 12 year old son of a half Jewish family. The movie is called “Simon sagt auf Wiedersehen zu seiner Vorhaut” (translated: Simon says goodbye to his foreskin).

Trailer/Spoiler (english):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5le40QUDa58

My ex-wife didn't want our son to be circumcised, and I did. She was a nurse and the hospital staff talked her out of pushing for it. This all occurred before his birth.

@Rigel How did it come out?

@Pecan_nutjob It came off! 😄

I think it was mostly for social reasons - not so much medical. Just that was pretty much what I was accustomed to and felt it the right thing to do (whether it was or not)!

Have you experienced or heard of situations where one parent wants a boy circumcised and the other not? Why such a situation? How was it solved?

This is essentially my own situation.

My father was American, my mother Belgian. They met after Liberation during WWII and got married. My father, being American and moreover from the deep conservative South (Alabama) was very pro-circumcision believing, or at least threatening/lecturing me later, that uncircumcised penises invariably suffer from recurring, incurable infections and often enough end up being amputated. Did I want to risk that fate?

My mother thought it balderdash and was moreover influenced by her wartime experiences during the Occupation with Jewish friends/business partners of her family being deported and killed. That made circumcision a potential mark of death in her eyes and that of many other Europeans.

I was born in Belgium while my father was away in Korea doing navy charters for the armed forces. So, the Belgian hospital did not do any routine circumcising. As later told to me, when my father finally came back from the Far East after 2 years, he was furious/mad/sad/disappointed (depending on the story told), but my mother remained adamant and preserved me from the procedure, even when we moved to the US where I went to school. I am pretty certain that she faced pressure from school and doctors to have me 'normalized'. However I do not remember anything of this. Even during nude swimming at the YMCA I do not recall anything being said.

On the other hand, my younger brother was born in the US and cut, against my mother's express wishes. This while my father was away at sea. My mother was furious (no lesser emotion will do as description) even so in their later years when in their 80s and 90s. The circumcision thing was brought up again and again when they were arguing, my mother blaming my father for my younger brother's circ and my father blaming my mother for not getting me circed. This by the way when I was visiting or helping them out in their old age and even once during a very unpleasant Christmas dinner with all the family present. With my wife chiming in how all was well enough with me and giggling like a teenager. I wanted to drop through the floor.

My father never asked why my prick hadn't been amputated yet, despite all his dire warnings in my younger days.

Nor was the situation and difference of opinion between my parents ever solved. I suppose you could say they both had their win but neither was gracious about their one loss either. They were still having this argument (one amongst many granted) a few weeks before my mother died. Not really a wonderful memory.

This woman had her son circumcised, even though the dad was strongly against it: https://twitter.com/OyeSamie_/status/1334627062058016774

The doctor came in while the dad was sleeping, and she even shushed him so he wouldn't wake the dad up. He was furious when he found out what had happened.

Moms tend to win this one. Or at least used to. My mom is the one who wanted us circumcised. But, my brothers and I were all circumcised loosely with some extra skin.

I've heard of a couple who adopted a boy born in Eastern Europe. They were not aware that male circumcision was not routinely performed there and were very surprised that the boy was not circumcised when he arrived at their home. I know that the adoptive mother was against circumcising the boy, but her husband wanted the boy's foreskin to be removed.

The boy's mother worked long hours or shifts, not exactly sure. So, when she was at work, her husband took the boy to a doctor and had him circumcised. The boy's mother was furious, of course, but apparently only one of the parents is needed to sign a circumcision consent form.

The boy's mother worked long hours or shifts, not exactly sure. So, when she was at work, her husband took the boy to a doctor and had him circumcised. The boy's mother was furious, of course, but apparently only one of the parents is needed to sign a circumcision consent form.

This does not bode well for the future of the marriage I would think. It's sneaky and disgraceful behavior on the part of the husband that, to me, is on a par with sneaking around to have sex on the sly with others. But sex on the sly is only about hurt feelings and mistrust, while sneaking a circumcision is that too, along with causing bodily harm to a child to boot.

So you have to wonder. If the husband would do that behind his wife's back, what else would he be capable of?

This does not bode well for the future of the marriage I would think. It's sneaky and disgraceful behavior on the part of the husband that, to me, is on a par with sneaking around to have sex on the sly with others. But sex on the sly is only about hurt feelings and mistrust, while sneaking a circumcision is that too, along with causing bodily harm to a child to boot.

So you have to wonder. If the husband would do that behind his wife's back, what else would he be capable of?

Perhaps, the father acted in the best interest of his son? In the US, circumcision is considered to be an effective preventative and hygienic measure. How could mother object?

Moms tend to win this one. Or at least used to. My mom is the one who wanted us circumcised. But, my brothers and I were all circumcised loosely with some extra skin.

How did you find out that it was your mother who wanted you to be circumcised?

Perhaps, the father acted in the best interest of his son? In the US, circumcision is considered to be an effective preventative and hygienic measure. How could mother object?

First off, if a parent/father did this furtively, behind her back, I think it hints at a serious disconnect about how a marriage should work. It will become a festering issue. This is not how decisions should be made. Certainly not for an adoptive child, where the notion of entrusting another person's child to adoptive parents involves making certain the parents are better equipped to carry out the tasks of parenting. Adoptive parents have more responsibility for their actions than ‘natural’ parents producing their own offspring. That is why they are vetted before being approved.

The rest of the world has already shown that there are no significant positive medical nor hygienic outcomes related to circumcision. Some two-thirds of the world's penises are not cut and there doesn't seem to be any shortcomings in their performance or health. They are still impregnating women (at alarming rates in many countries by the way). Circumcision also effects penile sensitivity, though if done at birth, males will never have experienced the loss, no matter how much they later might boast about not losing any penile function (sensitivity being a resulting function).

Most other regions/nations where circumcision is practiced, do so for purely religious reasons. None of which proves anything at all from a medical point of view. In these Muslim/Jewish nations, circumcision is nothing but a traditional religious custom, carried out because of social/cultural pressure and tradition.

So, all in all, the mother has much to object to.

I agree whit @madebare .

I'm born in USA and is it True the circumfusion it considered hygienic.

I think we must to live in USA for to understand why circumcision it so popular in this country.

But i think it not fair to do it without the content of both. father and mother.

Here in the UK I cannot imagine for one moment any health care professional would even consider circumcising a boy without the consent of both parents . I'm not sure how it would be in the case of a single parent but I am sure the legalities would be complex?

Speaking personally my mother took the lead in my circumcision , I have no recollection of my farther being present when failed attempts were undertaken by my her to retract my foreskin, or at the hospital examination , where I definitely recall mother saying I would like him to be circumcised . My father was clearly aware / in favour as he and my mother both took me into hospital for the operation, where no doubt a consent form was completed .

If their is disagreement between spouses about whether or not to circumcise, and they talk about it and come to an “agreement” one way or the other, often times their may still be resentment. My ex did not want our son circumcised, I did (primarily because I was, and I thought it the healthy norm) - we ended up getting him cut and she resented it. Did it cause our breakup - no, but it did come out in the process.

…we ended up getting him cut and she resented it. Did it cause our breakup - no, but it did come out in the process.

I very much agree. Parents will often feel resentful when parenting their children, like vaccinations, home schooling, blood transfusion, day care, schools… you name it. But a parent who feels less strong about a particular issue should give in just to save the marriage. Oftentimes, parents stay together even if their son gets circumcised in the process.

My mother didn’t want me circumcised although the doctor and multiple nurses asked before I left the hospital after being born. My pediatricians thought I should have been circumcised due to phimosis, adhesions, and various infections and scarring. My dad made an appointment for me to get circumcised after my third grade physical ended up with the pediatrician again recommending that I get circumcised. It was supposed to happen the upcoming Friday, but the hospital ended up calling the house to confirm my circumcision outpatient surgery and my mom picked up the phone. She was so mad that she ended up cancelling the appointment. I tried to convince my mother to just let them do it over the years, but she wouldn’t. I ended up having to pay for it myself in college.

I was circumcised as a baby and have no recollection of it. Obviously I did not have a say. If both parents agree fine, but if they have opposite opinions then it should be up the son when he is an adult as to whether or not he wants his penis altered.

Yes, from other friends, and myself. I am Spanish and my wife is Mexican-American, in neither culture or country is circumcision customary.

When we found out about our pregnancy, the topic of circumcision came up. She knew that I absolutely did not want my sons to be circumcised for any reason, but she did have it in mind.

Mainly due to typical issues of social pressure, and it was very influenced by typical propaganda. Another reason is because I am circumcised and she really likes my condition as she has confessed.

This whole discussion was sealed on a trip to Spain, my sisters-in-law and sister taught him how to care for a baby with a foreskin, how to bathe him and change him.

He naturally convinced himself that it was not difficult and that there was nothing to fear. It also helped him to talk to his family, where one of his brothers just had a baby months before ours was born and sadly he did have surgery. My wife was scared when she helped her sister-in-law change the baby.

After that, our son was born without any problems, and it was the same with my next two children.