What is the advantage of having “friends” on this website?

What is the advantage of having “friends” on this website? I am flattered that so many of you have sent me friend requests. At this time I am not going to accept any and I most likely will not in the foreseeable future. Reason? A few years ago I was stalked on social media (not going to specify which one). Not long after that, I noticed an older man hanging out near my bedroom window in my apartment complex, sometimes hiding behind some bushes at night. I called the police and they investigated. That person was never caught. I won't go into detail, but he did some bizarre things and it was a frightening experience for me.

My mistake is that I accepted friend requests from people that had the same interests as me, but I didn't know them personally. I don't know anyone on this website personally. So please do not send me friend requests or message me about it. I will not reply to such messages. I will be happy to read messages about common interests and sometimes I will reply. I have a fairly busy schedule, which limits my “me time”. Thank you.

@Ebbie_Anne The concept of having friends here is over-rated. For me, the only advantage is there are a few people I like to chat privately with via Instant Messaging and you can only do that with “friends”. These are people I came to know via their posts and DM's back and forth. I think you are smart not accepting friend requests. While most here are very personable, friendly and respectful - there are always the bad apples who creep through the cracks. Some people simply collect friends like baseball cards - good for them, but not my idea of what a friendship is or should be.

You have some great posts - glad to see you aboard and hope your Zity experience is always positive!!

The only real advantage of having “friends” on this site imo is the ability to private chat only with people you have selected, and only people you have selected may initiate a private chat with you.

I don't use the public chatroom much anymore, practically never. The public chatroom is where I met a few of the people on my friends list, but, once again imo, the public chatrooms are probably the more likely place to attract stalkers.

If you find yourself interested in real time chat with only a few people, you can send friend requests to only people that interest you whom you choose. If it turns out that they're not very nice, pushy, or a stalker, you can unfriend whoever you wish also. It doesn't take the other person to reciprocate to make it happen either. If they try to stalk you in the forums as retaliation, you can report them.

Friending a person here on zity doesn't give the ‘friend’ any special access to any other personal information about you that you haven't already made available to other members of this site. Rule of thumb though, common sense - don't divulge personal information such as addresses and phone numbers to anyone on a kink site, “friend” or not!

In the settings, you can turn the private chat feature off and you can make it so people can't see that you are online)

One advantage already noted is the ability to have private chats with people with whom share or have common interests. You can see when your friends are online and they can see you. And you can limit those private chats, as well, even when online.

Note that you can always revoke a friendship. No explanations needed.

There a few people here I have gotten to know (in that we know each other's names and where we are located), but those friendships develop over time and there's a level of trust that's developed over time.

The other thing that I find that useful is seeing the things (topics, pictures, stories) that my Zity friends “like" that I might not see, otherwise.

Let your experience and gut be your guide.

If it turns out that they're not very nice, pushy, or a stalker, you can unfriend whoever you wish also. It doesn't take the other person to reciprocate to make it happen either. If they try to stalk you in the forums as retaliation, you can report them.

And I'd like to repeat once again that moderators do actually follow up such reports and investigate them. We take action as necessary when we identify harmful behaviour.

My opinion only, but the ‘friends’ list serves no purpose. everyone says it is to chat privately, but just send a dm through the ‘email’ icon and that is the same thing. or ‘whisper’ chat in a room. also private.

the only thing extra that ‘friends online’ does is it alerts anyone you have friended whenever you get online.

so for me, the result was that several people would immediately say hi, and then often, even after my reply, say nothing else. i found that very annoying.

so i stopped accepting friend requests. i love to chat with anyone when i am online. but i don't need people just saying hello and nothing else.

and i chat in private through the dm icon ALL THE TIME.

…everyone says it is to chat privately, but just send a dm through the ‘email’ icon and that is the same thing.

@XposeHer - No, it is not the same thing.

There are some misunderstandings here, so let's clear up one of them.

There are two types of Direct Messages (DM).

• The type that looks and behaves more or less like email. Any member can send this type of DM to any other member.
• The Instant Messaging (IM) type. This is similar to whispers in a chat room. This type of DM can be sent only to another member who is a friend.

Both types of communication are prevented if the receiver has blocked the sender.

The first thing you said is true but irrelevant.

(IM) type. This is similar to whispers in a chat room. This type of DM can be sent only to another member who is a friend.

true, but still, it has no function differnet than just dm'ing people. yes, you can only do it with friends, but it is the same level of private. not at all necessary. no different than using teh DM.

Except for who sees you.

The first thing you said is true but irrelevant.

My statement was entirely relevant because of the different scope of when IM type DMs can be used.

it has no function differnet than just dm'ing people

Instant messaging is in real time. The email type DMs are not, and that is the difference I am pointing out. That type of communication is only available between friends.

Let us make this distinction clear please.

DM's happen within a few seconds.

so technically not ‘instant,' but ‘instant’ as opposed to a ‘few seconds’?

irrelevant

AND, ‘whisper’ mode is real time

DM's happen within a few seconds.

so technically not ‘instant,' but ‘instant’ as opposed to a ‘few seconds’?

irrelevant

Let's not be silly.

The user interface is not the same. Needing to open a received message does not quality as instant messaging. Instant messaging means the content of the message appears immediately in a window on your screen.

AND, ‘whisper’ mode is real time

Whispers are related to chat rooms. IM conversations outside of chatrooms are not possible unless they are between friends.