When mom caught me using the rectal thermometer

As a child I began secretly playing with the rectal thermometer my mom kept in the medicine cabinet. After locking myself in the bathroom I would dip the thermometer in Vaseline like my mom did, put it in my booty and lie on the floor daydreaming about the nurses at my doctor’s office. It wasn’t long before I had developed an addiction to this little ritual and started doing it almost every day after school. I eventually started taking that thermometer to bed with me at night to use it under cover of darkness, and would then hide it under my bed before falling asleep.

One day when I was around 10 or 11 something extremely embarrassing resulted when I had forgotten to put the thermometer back in the medicine cabinet before leaving for school. As luck would have it my mom went in to change my sheets that morning and discovered the thermometer on the floor next to my bed. When I got home from school I went to my room and out of the corner of my eye noticed the thermometer sitting on a napkin right there on my nightstand. I was mortified to say the least. My deep, dark little secret wasn’t so secret anymore and I never felt more exposed in my life. By leaving it on the napkin like that she obviously wanted me to know that she had found it. Assuming she was going to question me at some point, I quickly began fabricating a coverup story but struggled to come up with anything believable. There was simply no hiding what I had done. What lie could I possibly dream up to explain why a rectal thermometer covered with Vaseline was on the floor next to my bed. Being that my mom was no fool, any explanation would have likely seemed sketchy to her. So after giving it much thought I realized there was only one slightly plausible justification which was to simply tell her that I wasn’t feeling well and had tried to take my temperature. The only problem was that this story would have seemed outlandish since mom knew of my utter disdain for rectal thermometers. Until then I had staunchly resisted every rectal temperature both at home and at the doctor’s office, so why would she believe such a crazy story. She obviously knew it was completely abnormal for a 10 year old boy to take his own rectal temperature in the middle of the night. But since that was the best I could come up with I decided to go with it should she inquire.

The next afternoon I was sitting at the kitchen table when my mom approached me and said “by the way, why was the thermometer under your bed yesterday”? No beating around the bush or easing into the conversation, just straight to the point. I remember feeling panicked as my heart starting racing but I stuck with my plan and said “I woke up feeling really hot and sweaty and wanted to see if I was sick”. As those words came out of my mouth I was thinking she wasn’t going to believe me but much to my surprise she seemed to have fallen for it. But her response wasn’t at all what I was expecting. Although she seemed somewhat amused that I had taken such initiative she was also very uneasy about attempting it on my own. I don’t remember her exact words but it was something about it being unsafe and risky for a kid to take their own temperature, like I might have hurt myself or something. She warned me to never do it again, and said that if I ever felt sick she would take my temperature. Although my mom seemingly believed my little alibi, part of me still thinks that she really didn’t and just pretended to in order to avoid a far more embarrassing conversation about why that thermometer was in my room.

Although my mom seemingly believed my little alibi, part of me still thinks that she really didn’t and just pretended to in order to avoid a far more embarrassing conversation about why that thermometer was in my room.

I think your mom was very considerate and diplomatic!!!

Did your mom ever take your rectal temp after your being caught using it?