Use your safe word

A Necro-thread on ‘would you allow someone you met for the first time tie you up’ just got resurrected and there’s a lot of interesting commentary there. While I’m far from an expert on the subject allow me to offer a word of advice to a new-ish Sub who is trying out a new Dom/top: Use your safe-word. Use it early in the relationship. The first or second time you play. Use it when you maybe don’t even need to. If you have a cautionary one like Yellow or the like, use that – and see how the Dom reacts.

Do they do what they’re supposed to do cheerfully and immediately, checking in on you and what you need? If yes, good. They pass. They’ve earned a small amount of trust.

If they do ANYTHING else, end the session and say ‘buh bye’. I don’t care how Domley hot they are, that’s not a Dom, that’s an abuser.

BDSM is all about consent and consent ENDS once the safe-word has been used.

There is NOTHING wrong with ‘testing’ a new playmate in this area and if you’re a D type and this upsets you, please question yourself as to why you’re upset.

Couldn't have said it better myself @Nurse_Phillips . Heard way too many sad stories of Dom wannabes who are really just abusers turning would be subs off completely.

Kuddos Nurse Phillips and all of you sensible doms out there. I am quite clearly a bottom or a sub in my play/fantasy life. I am generally very happy to let a partner be in charge of things for me if he understands/respects my needs as well as his own. Would I submit totally at a first meeting? - NO, I would want to be able to give my input and if things even looked like/seemed like they were not going well, that safe word would be used promptly. I am a strong woman in my real life and not afraid to be strong in play when the situation warrants it!

I was a part of getting a friend away from and out of an abusive marriage and recall how the abuse escalated from “small” things into a abusive control situation that had the potential to ruin my wonderful friend's emotional life. 10+ years later with counselling sessions behind her she is remarried to a wonderfully supportive man who treasures her and wants only the best for her always! The abuser also remarried (twice now) and has been charged with domestic violence during at least that first remarriage.

Thank you, Nurse Phillips!

Safe word is a must in BDSM relationships. And person who won`t respect this should not be played with.

As a natural sub that's my biggest fear and not in a good sexy way. Heard lots of stories, when subs were afraid to tell them, not to upset Dom or end relationships.

If a Dom ends a relationship over using your safe word, that was no relationship, once uttered play stops! If the Dom doesn't respect that , he or she doesn't respect you. Your safety, emotional and physical should be his or hers most important responsibility.

BDSM has many facets , but number one is safety. You never want the sub or bottom harmed physically or mentally. A great dominant knows if the sub stops play, it's over, and a dominant without a sub is alone.

Play safe

I agree @Wolfgirl66 an EASY TO REMEMBER safe word is mandatory at BDSM play….

Thats why I will tell My Lady that our safe word will be pneumoultramicroscopicosilicovulcanoconiotic

Be safe

Za

I do sincerely hope that the would be…wannabe Dom's out there take very good note of what our LADY members are saying…Ignore at your own peril.

… Safe word is a must in BDSM relationships. And person who won`t respect this should not be played with. ….

… this cannot be repeated often enough!

@Nurse_Phillips and @Wolfgirl66 66 I have to agree with you, if they can't abide by safe words then that is a red flag. When you meet a dom/master for the first time in public, like going for a cup of coffee, a meal, or outing, notice how they treat other people. Do they show good manners, are they rude or demanding of others... How do they handle situations when things don't go right, are they calm and work towards peaceful resolution or do they show anger, temper flairs up, etc. All these are clues to the person and how they are going to treat you later on or even in the present. Don't fall for that you can handle it or change him, odds are that you won't be able too. People are only willing to change if they want to change and that requires them listening, recognizing the problem and then taking the steps to change.

FWIW, here is something I posted some time ago that is worth reading.

https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=docs;ox=showpart;idp=19734;mark=sm%2Cabuse

@zaboots I do hope people got your sarcasm!