There used to be a blogsite called 25 THINGS ABOUT MY SEXUALITY, dormant for almost 10 years now. The idea was for people to post any 25 things about their sexuality they want, usually starting with a basic introduction. It took me a few days to put mine together but here it is. I'm curious to see if other Zity members will participate.
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By the way, the spirit of the original blogsite was not to reply or comment on people's posts, rather it's just a place to post your own and read others. No need to police it but just thought it would be fair to mention.
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1. I am a middle-aged American heterosexual male. I've been in a lot of short and long term relationships, all with women, and am currently in a relationship.
2. I lost my virginity at 17 with my high school girlfriend in a hotel room. She was 16 so legally that was a no-no, especially since she was really drunk, I was too, so it wasn't technically consensual. But then I wasn't an adult either, so does that make me guilty of anything? I barely remember doing it. In the morning when we were sober, we saw the blood on the bed but she didn't say anything. We did it again that morning and for the next couple years.
3. I lost my virginity (on the receiving end) to a woman I was dating when I was 29. One afternoon we bought a strapon harness and dildo. When we came home, we undressed, and she put it on, pushed me on my back and told me to pull my legs up to my chest and fucked my ass. Then she bent me over the bed and fucked me more. This continued to happen off and on until we broke up. She loved it. I did too.
4. I looked at a lot of porn magazines when I was young. Loved looking at the naked women. When I read the stories and letters I couldn't believe the kinds of crazy messed up up things people did to each other. As I grew older I realized that I wanted to do some of those things too. Then and now, when I look at people, strangers or friends or colleagues, I try to visualize them do these things and wish I could witness them in the act, like I was invisible. To me this would be the best porn as opposed to the shit most porn is. Fake sex is boring.
5. I am obsessed with women's asses. I used to stare at girls' asses when they would wear tight jeans in middle school and high school. And I'd wonder what it would be like to watch them undress, to see their naked bodies and bottoms. Still do. What do women think most guys are doing when they're sitting around in the mall waiting for their wives to finish shopping? We're staring at other women and wondering what they look like naked.
6. When I was a teenager I used to fantasize about various women, wives, mothers, in the neighborhood coming over to babysit me and then undressing me, fondling me, and eventually making me come. Basically, dominating me sexually under the pretext of taking care of me. None of these things ever happened but they provided a lot of visual and mental stimulation for my teen masturbation sessions.
7. My favorite teenage fantasy was about my best friend's mom coming into my bedroom and telling me she had to take my temperature rectally. Many times I have masturbated to this idea and have even taken my own temperature rectally while fantasizing about her. Whenever I've seen this woman since high school, it's always been a treat. She's remained very pretty. The temptation to tell her about it is very strong but I guess I could never do it.
8. A lot of things I read about "why men want anal sex" have no relation to why I like it. For me it is all about intimacy and sharing something incredibly private with another person, assuming the other person is on the same page as me. It's NOT at all about it being a checkmark on a bucket list, or giving a sense of power, or because I saw it on a porn site, or because other people are doing it and so I don't want to miss out. For me, it's the most private, intimate thing I can share and have shared with me sexually. Also, on the receiving end, I've never understood the prostate thing. I've had girlfriends touch my prostate and it does nothing for me. I'm already so stimulated by the time their finger is entering my asshole that it really doesn't matter what they do next, I'm halfway to coming anyway. I love to give and to receive anal sex, love watching my penis move in and out of her anus, love listening to the sounds she makes and things she says as I fuck her bottom, love coming inside her and her saying that she feels it, love feeling her finger or buttplug or dildo thrusting in and out of me.
9. I am totally amazed by the wide variety of sexual preferences, definitions, desires, experiences, and prejudices on Zity. It's just crazy how some people can be so passionate about a certain sexual act or mindset but then others are opposed to it as if it were the black plague. I love the diversity here. It proves that there is no real "normal" in life, that the only thing that is normal is the existence of widespread differences and diversity.
10. I love sexual stories, specifically written by women, when it's very intimate and detailed and based on true experiences. I hate stories with too many exclamations points!!!! or too many ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, or too porn-ish like just a lot of "OH FUCK ME!!! FUCK ME!!!". Dull. I love when people reveal interests or experiences that they are ashamed of but also obviously want to admit to. Vulnerability is hot. Anything that is just dick-in-pussy-fucking is about the most boring thing I can think of.
11. Although the whole world seems obsessed by it, I don't care about body hair either way. I've been with women who shaved completely, shaved a bit, and not at all. I've shaved myself for a few girlfriend and each thought it was sort of interesting but each said they didn't mind my pubic and ass hair. To me, cleanliness is what's important, not hair. But then, sometimes things get dirty and that's just natural, and when it's happened, we've not made a big deal about it. Two things I've always wondered: is there a connection between how big and bushy a woman's eyebrows are and how much pubic hair she has? And is there a connection between the color of a person's nipples and the color of her anus? My own experience says 'yes'.
12. I have one minor sexual regret. A woman friend of mine was in town to interview for a job and she asked to stay with me, so I said yes. This was a major potential job and she was 100% focused on it so she didn't seem overly interested in me, which was fine of course. I always felt there was some dormant sexual feelings between us, cause we'd made out once at a party fairly passionately, then again another evening, but just remained friends. After the interview we went out for dinner with two of my friends and she dominated the whole dinner conversation with details about the job interview and never asked my friends anything about them or their city. I was angry and wanted to say something when she and I drove home but I didn't. When we arrived home, we went to bed in separate bedrooms. But what I wished I'd done is tell her how rude and self-centered she'd been, then I wished I'd told her that she needed to be punished for it, told her to pull down her pants and lie down on the couch for a spanking. Knowing her, I'm about 50/50 sure she would have agreed, as she is Catholic and pretty obedient and submissive. It's still one of those visual fantasies of mine, wondering what her bottom looks like bare, wondering how she would have reacted to being spanked, what it would have felt like to slap her cheeks with my hand. I think one of these days I'm going to tell her all about it. Maybe when her kids are out of high school and my girlfriend is not around.
13. My nipples are very sensitive. I loved to have them sucked gently, especially while having my penis stroked and balls fondled. I didn't realize how tender my nipples are until recently. It's incredible how it seems to heighten all the nerves in all the other areas of my body when my nipples are being caressed and licked and sucked, how it heightens my orgasms. My girlfriend will sometimes caress my nipple with lotion while sucking my cock and caressing my anus with lotion with her other hand, sometimes fingerfucking me gently, I think that has created some of the most powerful orgasms I've ever had.
14. Attraction vs desperation. I often look at other couples and wonder, how could an idiot like that guy be with a women so seemingly fabulous? Like that scumbag politician Anthony Weiner, remember him? A bastard, a jerk, a loser. But his wife was so stunning and intelligent and beautiful. I have undressed that woman many times in my mind. How could she have picked him when she could have picked almost anyone? The only answer that I can come up with from my own and my male friends and some of my women friends experiences is that women are so pressured to marry and have children that they lose all sense of perspective and judgment after age 30. Some women seem to go almost insane at some point in their 30's if they're still not married. Not blaming them, just saying what I've observed. I have witnessed it up close with my own eyes and have participated in interventions with two friends to keep them from marrying asshole men. Neither of those women regret those breakups by the way. Two of my closest women friends remain unmarried and though both are happy in some ways not to have married, they admit that it's been hard getting laid during COVID-19!
15. I absolutely do not believe in the idea that men should look for their mother in their partner. I do not want my girlfriend to be like my mother. And my girlfriend is nothing like my mother. Quite opposite in fact. Those former girlfriends of mine who were most wrong for me had certain characteristics that reminded me a lot of my mother. Fuck Sigmund Freud.
16. Am I heteroflexible, heterocurious? I've never been with a man, never wanted to be, never sought it out. I fantasize about women constantly. But in some ways in the back of my mind I've always been curious. If my girlfriend wanted to do a MMF 3-way or wanted to watch a man play doctor with me as the patient or wanted to see a man fuck my ass, I think I would agree to it. I don't think I could give him oral or kiss him or touch him with my mouth or tongue at all. But I would let him suck me and fuck me and rim me, and maybe I would fuck him. All of this would be based on my girlfriend wanting it and watching it all happen. I would have a hard time watching my girlfriend with the man however, but I would agree to it if it makes her happy. By the way she has never brought these ideas up.
17. I love spanking. The idea of a woman over my lap and allowing me to pull down her panties to expose her bare bottom is very very hot. Also, the idea of me across a woman's lap, allowing her to bare my bottom to her eyes and hand is highly erotic. I have been spanked by one woman, a female friend who I asked to do it, and I have spanked 5 former girlfriends. The woman who spanked me used her hand and did it because I asked her to. It hurt and was an emotional experience for me, and I would like to try it again, this time with my girlfriend (I've told her I want to but we have not done it yet). For four of the women I spanked, it was a one-time thing because it didn't seem to be something they liked a lot; actually one hated it. The one women I spanked many times loved to be spanked and actually we used a wooden cane. I never broke her skin or anything, but it did give her welts which lasted several days. She cried from the pain but always wanted to do it again.
18. With every woman I've been with, I have always loved watching them in public when they aren't aware I'm watching them. Usually, I love watching each of them walk and move, how gorgeous she looks, how sexy, how her clothes fit her, how she looks moving underneath her clothes. And then later, how I love removing those clothes from her body.
19. I love anal sex of all kind. As far as intercourse, I have had anal sex with 4 women, each of whom loved it and asked for it more often than vaginal sex. Although everything I've ever read says that you must use a lubricant, with two of them, we never used it because the vaginal fluids and saliva provided enough lubrication. With the other two, we used KY Jelly and vaseline. For no particular reason that I can think of, all four preferred to be fucked anally while lying on their stomachs. Doggy style never seemed to provide deep enough penetration. Personally, I love to fuck anally with the woman on her back, knees pulled up, because I love to be able to look at one another and to see one another during orgasm.
20. I love rimming. The first time it ever happened was with my 16 year old girlfriend, who liked it and let me do it to her a lot. With almost every woman I've been with since then, I've engaged in oral-anal extensively, and with many of those women it went both ways. The women who have allowed me to rim them have all liked it, if not loved it. The moaning and groaning and ass pushing against my mouth tends to give it away. A few have not wanted to rim me and when I asked why they seemed embarrassed and unable to explain, and so that was the end of those discussions. Generally, most enjoyed oral-anal but did not want to talk about it, but three of them were very eager to discuss repeatedly and in explicit detail. With one of these women, I continued to exchange correspondence with her after we broke up, each describing our memories of our experiences together in great detail, although ultimately we realized we were in lust and not in love. She married someone else and we never spoke of our past again.
21. I have only been with one woman who had a strong negative reaction to anal sex. Once while massaging her back, I spread her cheeks open to look at her anus, which she didn't mind, but later when I touched her there gently the first, and last, time, she reacted violently, yelling that I must be perverted and accusing me of being interested in her fecal matter. After that, she never trusted me sexually and we broke up soon after. Ironically when we broke up I decided to ask her why she was so against anal sex, and her response was and she actually spoke very calmly, "I'm afraid that I will like it." I do not and never have had any interest in scat or feces although she didn't believe me. For me, anal sex is unrelated to bodily functions.
22. I like to play doctor, both as patient and as the doctor. My exams have never been strictly realistic, mainly they are erotic and exciting and end up with both people orgasming eventually. There is always a rectal thermometer involved. But it's the dominant and submissive head spaces that are so great. I read and write a lot on Zity about it.
23. I still have much shame about my sexual desires and interests. Even though I've been with women whose desires are the same as mine and sometimes were even nastier and naughtier, I often think there's something wrong with me. I must say that reading Zity about people's sexualities has helped, because I see that I'm no more odd or bad or good than anyone else. Also I'm absolutely sure that some of the things I've written here must have upset some people. I imagine that there's a woman out there somewhere reading this thinking "well, my husband doesn't think of things like this and he doesn't surf porn." And all I can tell you is, "yes, he absolutely does" because all men do.
24. My girlfriend and I are still exploring our sexuality. We reached a sort of plateau and want to see how we can move forward. When we got together, we decided we could find no good reason to rehash our past relationships with one another, so we never have. In my experience, nothing good comes of it, so I'm glad the past is the past, even if it does live on in my mind.
25. I have never told my girlfriend about my life on Zity or that I've message other women here and shared very sexual ideas, questions, experiences. I also hesitate to introduce her to online porn or to tell her how much online porn I look at and read. I sometimes wonder if this means I am cheating, a subject which many Zity members have been discussing recently.