A question about a member

Moppy or MissStress or other Moderator:

Hi. I was just looking up a member on this thread whose post I had commented on in July. Her Profile says it's Inactive and Pending Deletion, no other indication of reasoning. I was very surprised to see it as I'd had a number of interesting conversations with her in the past without any issues. Are you able to comment on why someone would be deleted or is that strictly confidential between the Mod's and the Member? Thanks,

Eric

@ericmacson said:

Hi. I was just looking up a member on this thread whose post I had commented on in July. Her Profile says it's Inactive and Pending Deletion, no other indication of reasoning. I was very surprised to see it as I'd had a number of interesting conversations with her in the past without any issues. Are you able to comment on why someone would be deleted or is that strictly confidential between the Mod's and the Member? Thanks

It's happened to me with a couple of members over time – they just vanished without giving me any sort of notice beforehand. Remember that it's not just about you: people here talk to many other people, and they also have things going on in their lives. It's not necessarily personal.

@ericmacson said:It's happened to me with a couple of members over time – they just vanished without giving me any sort of notice beforehand. Remember that it's not just about you: people here talk to many other people, and they also have things going on in their lives. It's not necessarily personal.

Thanks, but I wasn't implying a personal connection or motivation. Just hadn't seen any evidence that she had any problems with complaints.

Eric

I was just looking up a member on this thread whose post I had commented on in July. Her Profile says it's Inactive and Pending Deletion, no other indication of reasoning. I was very surprised to see it as I'd had a number of interesting conversations with her in the past without any issues. Are you able to comment on why someone would be deleted or is that strictly confidential between the Mod's and the Member? Thanks,

Eric

Sometimes members just leave or do not return to Zity.biz. Life can get in the way. It is hard to ever learn the why for those cases. Unless one has an email to contact them. But even then sometimes that may not be used.

If a member has been banned moderation has good reason for doing so. But to give the reason on the forum is not usually done.

Did that help you?

*I split your question to here to not derail the previous topic.

Sometimes members just leave or do not return to Zity.biz. Life can get in the way. It is hard to ever learn the why for those cases. Unless one has an email to contact them. But even then sometimes that may not be used.

If a member has been banned moderation has good reason for doing so. But to give the reason on the forum is not usually done.

Did that help you?

*I split your question to here to not derail the previous topic.

MS,

In the past I've seen a few members profiles state something like "Banned, Pending Deletion" or the like. For this particular member the profile just says Inactive, Pending Deletion, so no real clue as to the underlying cause.

Thanks for the helpful reply.

Eric

In the past I've seen a few members profiles state something like "Banned, Pending Deletion" or the like. For this particular member the profile just says Inactive, Pending Deletion, so no real clue as to the underlying cause.

Another reason that has not been mentioned is that a member has had a bad experience or interaction with someone else, perhaps unwanted attention or harassment. When this happens, the member tends to just suddenly bolt from the site without telling Moderators why, and although we sometimes have suspicions about what might have happened, we can't do anything about it - although when there have been a few instances where there has been clear cause and effect, in such cases we just might.

These problems are fixable, but if members assume we won't handle their complaints and simply ignore them, they don't bother coming to us. Actually we do investigate these matters quite thoroughly, and we do take action against the culprits where evidence disclosed demands that we do. I can't emphasise this enough.

They do not always give us a reason for leaving. We've had members leave for all kinds of reasons from harassment to getting more involved with their religion and seeing zity as a temptation. There is no telling why at this point because they don't have to share. Once they request deletion itcs only a matter of time before they are.

A few times I “left” zity (requested account be deleted), luckily it pends deletion and I was able to come to my senses.

At times I have felt I needed a break.

I am a major over thinker, and with my “its complicated” personal situation I occasionally become jaded by my situation.

I now realize it is better to just take a break and either not log or just stay in the shadows for a bit.

So many people come to zity for so many different reasons; and leave or become inactive for just as many.

I do truly hope that it anyone considers leaving because of the actions of another member, they first go to a mod.

At my age, when members of a similar age simply disappear, I have the natural concern that they may have had an unexpected health issue. In a few cases, that has been exactly what has happened (and hopefully I do get a reply that all is now well or that the person is on the mend). The optimist in me suggests that maybe they have just moved on and this site is no longer necessary for them. The pessimist in me is concerned that they've gone to take the long "dirt nap."

At my age, when members of a similar age simply disappear, I have the natural concern that they may have had an unexpected health issue. In a few cases, that has been exactly what has happened (and hopefully I do get a reply that all is now well or that the person is on the mend). The optimist in me suggests that maybe they have just moved on and this site is no longer necessary for them. The pessimist in me is concerned that they've gone to take the long "dirt nap."

What is being described here is a different situation, not a case of the account being left unaccessed, but a member disappearing due to their account being put in the pending deletion state, as in a definite "I'm out of here" action.

A few times I “left” zity (requested account be deleted), luckily it pends deletion and I was able to come to my senses.

I have done the same. One of these days, it's going to be permanent.

I took a break from Zity due to my feelings getting hurt from a female member. Females don't generally friend me or like my posts except for those I can count on one hand. I'm 70 years old and kinky in my own way and post in my own way and I'm not here for a popularity contest. But I still got hurt. Why can't females just be accepting to other females (no matter what they write) and not condemn them? I don't use the chat room, I used to comment frequently but rarely do now. I pretty much login and search older topics and enjoy reading them. Just don't feel social anymore here. So why report something that I no longer want to address? Both my husband and I are now in poor health and this site helps me to escape for a little while and cope.

I took a break from Zity due to my feelings getting hurt from a female member. Females don't generally friend me or like my posts except for those I can count on one hand. I'm 70 years old and kinky in my own way and post in my own way and I'm not here for a popularity contest. But I still got hurt. Why can't females just be accepting to other females (no matter what they write) and not condemn them? I don't use the chat room, I used to comment frequently but rarely do now. I pretty much login and search older topics and enjoy reading them. Just don't feel social anymore here. So why report something that I no longer want to address? Both my husband and I are now in poor health and this site helps me to escape for a little while and cope.

MomsEgirl,

I'm appalled to hear you were criticized or abused by another member. Could you possibly benefit by discussing it by PM with a Mod? You still have a friend here, and I've always enjoyed your posts and our occasional PMs. You've been very kind to answer many of my probably intrusive but well-meaning questions about your kinks and personal life. Please don't deprive us of your stories and your opinions and perspectives. I'd be most sad to see you go. I'm sorry to hear of your health but hope you can still get some enjoyment from life even if your time for kinky things is limited. Please PM me any time and you can have a friend to talk to. All the best,

Eric

I just saw this but I have seen several members that just deleted their profile. They don't have to give a reason and usually don't. I just hope it isn't because of harassment. Once their membership is pending deletion there is no way to contact them either. I once was talking to a member that just stopped coming to zity. It made me sad but in those instances if they want some distance you just have to let them have it and hopefully they will return. Good luck.

I took a break from Zity due to my feelings getting hurt from a female member. Females don't generally friend me or like my posts except for those I can count on one hand. I'm 70 years old and kinky in my own way and post in my own way and I'm not here for a popularity contest. But I still got hurt. I used to comment frequently but rarely do now. Just don't feel social anymore here.

Both my husband and I are now in poor health and this site helps me to escape for a little while and cope.

I'm sorry you experienced this. Hopefully you can again become comfortable posting on this site, in your own way. I'm glad at least that this is an escape for you.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like.

I concur with Mom's Egirl completely. Some snarky folks make comments that some of us don't appreciate. I've had my share and for the most part have decided it isn't worth posting to only get harsh responses either via posts or directly via notes. My comments probably apply to others as well. I aim to be sociable and friendly and do respect where others are at. Obviously some don't give a shit. It seems our society is going in a rather negative direction if you follow the news articles and the responses to them which are similar in tone to what I've just stated. 'nuff said.

@Moms_Egirl I have always enjoyed your posts. I’m sorry that you have had a bad experience with someone here.

Me too