Unable to orgasm with a partner

I am a straight 35 year old woman and while I can easily reach orgasm by myself, I have never been able to relax enough to climax with a partner I'm starting to think it will never happen for me. Has anyone else had this experience? Any tips?

The biggest issue with my wife was being self conscious and not relaxing enough to allow the orgasm to happen naturally. Hope this helps....

I had this same problem for many years. I showed my husband a few important areas that needed extra attention and added some toys years later. That has helped some, but my best orgasms are still by myself.

I had this same problem for many years. I showed my husband a few important areas that needed extra attention and added some toys years later. That has helped some, but my best orgasms are still by myself.

@Tennessee21 and @Gmafoxy, For some dudes, the magic button and the tingly spots are elusive. Have you ever brought yourself off while he watched so he can see the exact places that need his attention? Some fellas virtually need a road map so tell him when he is close and when he hit pay dirt. Use your hand to guide his. He will be pleased with the results and so will you!

It is NOT uncommon for person's best orgasms to be by masturbation. That holds true for men too.

I am a straight 35 year old woman and while I can easily reach orgasm by myself, I have never been able to relax enough to climax with a partner I'm starting to think it will never happen for me. Has anyone else had this experience? Any tips?

When you say, "I can easily reach orgasm by myself," do you mean by masturbating in private or can you have an orgasm masturbating in front of a partner?

Masturbating in front of a partner is the first thing I suggest you do to become able in front of a partner. It might help to relax you if you and your partner masturbate together.

If you can masturbate to orgasm with a partner, the next thing is to have him masturbate you, from there you can go on to having intercourse and orgasms. Keep in mind a full two thirds of women CANNOT have an orgasm by intercourse alone--they need additional clitoral stimulation.

It is NOT uncommon for person's best orgasms to be by masturbation.When you say, "I can easily reach orgasm by myself," do you mean by masturbating in private or can you have an orgasm masturbating in front of a partner?

Masturbating in front of a partner is the first thing I suggest you do to become able in front of a partner. It might help to relax you if you and your partner masturbate together.

If you can masturbate to orgasm with a partner, the next thing is to have him masturbate you, from there you can go on to having intercourse and orgasms. Keep in mind a full two thirds of women CANNOT have an orgasm by intercourse alone--they need additional clitoral stimulation.

THIS...all of it...............no one can please you like yourself can.

Find a (real) Doctor who treats this type of situation-- with males or females.

What needs to be treated?

My second wife could essentially orgasm only with her own hands and toys. That did NOT mean that she did not enjoy sexual intercourse with me. Often I would lay next to her on the bed while she got herself to orgasm, then joined her during and/or after her climax. Some times I would join in with caresses; other times I would just watch & listen.

Over time I have given mostly all the woman that I have played with the strongest orgasms they ever had.

You just have to find the right spot and see how they react.

Thank you all SO much for your replies and advice.

I can only reach orgasm when I am by myself as too inhibited when a partner is there. Will def try masturbating with a partner and showing him where to hit the spot! I just need to get over the mental block that stops me from getting there!!

Sound like my wife - been married some 40 years and while she's enjoyed sex, she's never been able to orgasm. She has to use a vibrator directly on her clit to get it to go.. Same was true with sex with others. When she does orgasm, she needs to think about strangers watching her masturbating or catching her in various stages of undress.

Sound like my wife - been married some 40 years and while she's enjoyed sex, she's never been able to orgasm. She has to use a vibrator directly on her clit to get it to go.. Same was true with sex with others. When she does orgasm, she needs to think about strangers watching her masturbating or catching her in various stages of undress.

I wonder if this is true for more women than not. The clit is like a small penis, a bundle of nerves. While the vagina has a lot of feeling, the clit is the master of the orgasm.

Which is why some women can orgasm strictly from clitoral stimulation.

I understand the fantasizing, too. I hate to say it, but unless you're being penetrated by the man of your dreams, going into a hot kinky fantasy is it. Then that orgasm is going to happen.

I am having this "problem" too lately........i have sex with wife, she had an orgasm and I dont........I tried with or without condoms (i prefer with cause i have a latex fetish) but seems my cock have a mind of its own......but when I masturbate its OK......orgasm is usually quick..... maybe I am a bit tense....lets see what will happen next times.

Za

@sundaybrunch: I understand the fantasizing, too. I hate to say it, but unless you're being penetrated by the man of your dreams, going into a hot kinky fantasy is it. Then that orgasm is going to happen.

I guess my gal never found him since despite having many, many sexual partners she never popped her cork during sex; always had to turn to her trusted vibrator. I should add that I don't disagree with you, and I eventually found I could no longer get and stay hard to have sex with her, thinking of my inadequacy. Interestingly, it all worked out since I found I enjoyed being cuckolded while she had sex with other men while I watched and masturbated..

Thank you all SO much for your replies and advice.

I can only reach orgasm when I am by myself as too inhibited when a partner is there. Will def try masturbating with a partner and showing him where to hit the spot! I just need to get over the mental block that stops me from getting there!!

That's the best way to do it, by show and tell and getting used to being seen by your partner as you get yours and he gets his. 😈 I had to rid myself of the notion that sex was something sacred and solemn and a duty and adopt a more open and playful approach to making life fun and enjoyable. Of course it is spectacular when you are trying to express your love for your partner and the trust and intimacy that goes with it and I don't want to suggest that sex between two people who love each other is not all that and extremely important to a relationship, but it is fun too. 🌹

If you are anal have your partner stimulate you anally while using a Hitachi Magic wand on your clit. Satisfaction guaranteed. The wand is amazing

You can try to orgasm with a partner or a Doc….though long enema-and massage sessions….

Hi @Tennessee21 I realize this reply is years late but I’m only now seeing your post. My girlfriend right after college was convinced she was fated to be non-orgasmic with a partner: she’d been sexually active for some years but had never climaxed except by herself.

I didn’t know the history of it at the time, just had her matter-of-fact assertion that she doesn’t. But for me, my partner’s pleasure is more arousing to me than my own. I wanted her to come! So I went down on her, something I’d always wanted to do to a woman but never had, because my first girlfriend didn’t want me to.

And my post-college gf climaxed that time and every time! It couldn’t have been my awesome technique, because it was my first time trying. My point: in my (not far ranging I admit) experience, oral sex is a very reliable way to bring a woman off. I assume you’ve had this done, to less effect. But if not, with that beautiful vulva of yours (I’ve seen your photos!) any man who turns down the chance to kiss you there is a fool! :-)