Hi all,
As usual, I'm overintellectualizing, more interested in trying to figure things out than in doing anything sexy, so please bear with me.
When I look at my fantasy life, what I would like to do to a younger guy (I'm a buff 53 with salt & pepper hair) it all boils down to PERSONALITY CRUSH.
But then, I look at my relationship with my father, and I realize that that's exactly what most upsets me in my relationship with him. He was very much the kind of guy where he had to have the channel changer, the money, the steering wheel, the "Floor" (for speaking) and every other symbol of mid-century (1950's) American middle-class white male masculinity there was. So I'm very conscious that what turns me ON, in fantasy, is treating another young man how I was treated, and making him serve my turn.
AND I HATE THIS.
I know that what keeps a fetish site going is the exchange of information on HOW TO KEEP THE FETISH MAGIC WORKING, but I'm feeling more and more like the fetish-stuff, as exciting as it is (Dominant Inducer of Erotic Hypnosis states, Dominant Doctor conducting physical exam, Dominant disciplinarian spanking bratty boy, dominant teacher severely training pupil, and on and on in the same vein) is SOMETHING I WANT TO WAKE UP FROM.
I have no desire at all to be submissive, that's not me at all. But I don't like the quality of DRIVENNESS I'm seeing in my fantasy-life.
I guess what I want is the chance to be a BOY, or at least to HAVE those boyish emotions in the person of the younger man I'm holding, without my father's bossiness spoiling it.
PS: My dad is 87 and will obviously be dead soon, even if CORONA doesn't get him.
1970sboy.