My psychiatrist arouses me. Why?

Hi, first of all I'd like to excuse myself for my mistakes and not very good English. I hope it will be possible to read my post without bloody tears.

The subject is not a problem for me, vice versa, I'm glad 😃 but I'm really interested what's going on in my brain, mind. Maybe you have some ideas about it.

I know my doctor for a year, he's a handsome man of 45, it's pleasantly to deal with him. He's kind, tactful, attentive, he never reproaches me (though I'm not the most obedient patient).

All over the year sometimes I've been masturbating thinking about him talking to me, repeating in my thoughts some phrases, watching his lectures on youtube. The point is that these thoughts are not sexual at all. I can cum just listening to his voice. I like the feeling of safety. The fact that our talk is confidential espesially triggers me. That I can tell him everything. I like to trust him. I like that he as a doctor takes care of me. But why all these emotions are sexual... Well, sometimes I dream about him asking me to show him my hands and private parts if there are some cuts, scars or injection marks. I even dreamed about such nonsence like him giving me shots or enema, or taking my RT. Why this arouses me is clear for me, because this is about my body, embarassmant.

Ok, today I visited him. I had spent 2 months in the mental hospital and this was our first meeting since I went to the hospital (there I had another doctor). He asked me if i had had thirst to use drugs during this time. I answered yeah. And then he asked if i had used them. I became confused because I didn't know if i had to confess. I used drugs, I know clearly that it's my fault and nobody knew about it and I wanted to drag this fact to the grave with me. But he said: answer honestly, I won't tell anybody. And I told. At this moment he seemed to be the closest man in the world for me. To tell the truth I expected him to be angry and strict (though he've never been) because during the treatment I wasn't even alowed to drink alcohol and energy drinks. But he wasn't, he just asked the details. I came home and started masturbating replaying in my thoughta this short dialouge again and again. And there was another triggering moment. I have a bruise on my hand and he looked at it, touched my hand, saw little scars on the hand, touched them with his finger. That was just a few seconds but even at that moment (!) I felt that it meant something special for me. The point is that I normally don't feel arousement when some special situations happen, but then, recalling them I find them triggering. In this case I immediately felt it was IT. And I was true, then I cumed several times recalling this very short moment. I guess I like the feeling that somebody is worried about me, that I'm not indifferent for him. And surely this man has to be at least twice older then me. I've had already many experiences of arousal connected with doctors. But they were understandable. This case is not clear for me.

Thank you for reading, if you have any thoughts please write, I'll be glad to read and answer.

I don't think you are the only one to feel this way about his/her doctor.

This happens very often and seems to be normal in this close relation!

I agree with the others... Many patients feel sexually attracted to their therapists.

Social psychologist Roy Baumeister proposed that the more intimate one’s disclosures toward someone become, the more likely one is also to feel an increase in passion for that person. That often happens in a client's feelings toward the therapist.

As far as I know, psychiatrists and psychologists in most (all?) countries are expected to follow ethical guidelines that forbid sexual relationships with their clients. Otherwise, some therapists would consciously or unconsciously steer the therapy in that direction: in which case, it would no longer be clear that it’s the client’s needs (rather than the therapist’s) that the “therapy” is serving.

The good news is that there’s nothing wrong or shameful about feeling sexually attracted to a kind and supportive adult whom you trust. Though therapist and patient can’t ethically enter a sexual relationship with one another, the caring and the energy can be expressed in other ways that are good for both of you: though his primary concern needs to be what’s good for *you.*

Therapists’ training typically brings an awareness that clients can develop sexual feelings for them, and a good therapist will know how to keep healthy boundaries in place, without embarrassing the client.

I hope you won't be afraid or ashamed of what you're feeling. It's very natural. And I don't believe that love is ever wasted... It will perform its own alchemy in your heart, even though it can't be expressed physically.

Wishing you peace and a relatively short journey to a place where you can enjoy how you feel, without needing to act on it.

I've heard personal accounts from women who had something sexual going on with their therapist. In the two cases that I'm aware of, the therapist came on to the patient, not vice versa. I've met with female therapists, and actually found them to be among the least sexually attractive women, that I've met. One of them smoked incessantly, had more wrinkles than a prune, and never had a clue as to what she was talking about. The other female therapist was obese, and had hairy arms and legs.( And asked me if I was surviving on dog food). Personally, I'm not impressed with therapists at any level. They tend to be entrenched in textbook theory, and are not wired into the real world...you know, the one that their patients live in. Historically, they have more mental illness than the general population, yet they're allowed to treat people. (And they're expensive). Makes no sense.

I've met with female therapists, and actually found them to be among the least sexually attractive women, that I've met. One of them smoked incessantly, had more wrinkles than a prune, and never had a clue as to what she was talking about. The other female therapist was obese, and had hairy arms and legs.

Judgemental much? What one finds unattractive, someone somewhere finds attractive. I'll bet you aren't "all that".

To bbw4doc: I found "those" therapists unattractive...... Not my "judgement call,"..but my experience with those specific individuals. And they weren't nice people to begin with. You don't have to agree with me, but vitriolic attacks aren't necessary. We're not all going to be on the same page. That's what makes the world an interesting place. I'm here to learn from others, and to share experiences.

Well said Parker! The importance of receiving mental health care is essential. While there can be an attraction, this is not the norm and risks making those seeking care to feel ashamed. Therapists whether social work or psychology have years of education, training, supervision and must qualify for licensure. That said, there are bad apples. Each and every time a professional violates standards of ethical care, it causes irreparable harm to the recipient and to the profession. It's the same for seeking medical care; we entrust that the provider will be professional at all times. There is really never a good excuse nor should it be trivialized.

Well said Parker! The importance of receiving mental health care is essential. While there can be an attraction, this is not the norm and risks making those seeking care to feel ashamed. Therapists whether social work or psychology have years of education, training, supervision and must qualify for licensure. That said, there are bad apples. Each and every time a professional violates standards of ethical care, it causes irreparable harm to the recipient and to the profession. It's the same for seeking medical care, we entrust that the provider will be professional at all times. There is really never a good excuse nor should it be trivialized.

I'm laughing out loud. I haven't a more hilarious statement in several days

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To bbw4doc: I found "those" therapists unattractive...... Not my "judgement call,"..but my experience with those specific individuals. And they weren't nice people to begin with. You don't have to agree with me, but vitriolic attacks aren't necessary. We're not all going to be on the same page. That's what makes the world an interesting place. I'm here to learn from others, and to share experiences.

With all the censorship going on, you may learn from others, but you will NOT get a balance of pros and cons.

You don't have to agree with me, but vitriolic attacks aren't necessary.

Then don't make them.

I'm currently binging a show called ":inTreatment", about a psychologist and some of his patients. One female patient has told him she finds him incredibly sexy and wants to fuck him. He finally admits he loves her and one day goes to her house. In her bedroom, he has an anxiety attack and leaves before they do anything. It's interesting.

In her bedroom, he has an anxiety attack and leaves before they do anything. It's interesting.

To me that sounds like feeling guilty for having the intent to commit a major infraction of one's social or religious morals and dogmas.

^That, and also he was married at the time. His wife had had an affair, and the marriage was on the rocks (they later divorced), but there might have still been some guilt at being about to violate his vows.

My ex and I went to couples counseling with an attractive therapist. She suggested we start going to see her separately after a few sessions. One time when I was there as I entered her room and sat down and said hello I commented on being hot from the weather, I said that I was really hot because the room was warm too and she said “yes you are” I never forgot that and fantasized about her constantly after that and still do

I once had a male friend, a psychologist and broadcaster. I would regularly visit him for an hour on Sunday mornings. (We both had 'spiritual' values, and he was a prominent lay-Catholic, but neither of us were big on church-going, l think.) One Sunday morning he told me that he loved me. Very slightly embarrassed, l rather let the remark go. But next Sunday, l raised it. He promptly denied it. Which l think shows that he was wise (something I'd thought all along).

So? It does seem to me that the mind itself can have sex-appeal, AND be like a sex-organ. (Compare what l wrote elsewhere on Zity that the eyes, AND seeing, are sex-organs.) It occurs to me that my unmarried friend was making a pass at me - which l passed up! I knew, and later verified, that he did have an active gay side. But for all his quiet charm, and an intellect l almost revered, l wasn't susceptible to having sex with him. He was rather older than me, and l prefer younger guys, l guess!

- Ken

Small clarification to my post #15. My friend died ( and l attended his requiem mass). Seeking some kind of replacement, l DID start going regularly to a Sunday service in the City at an independent church, and the minister's sermon each week was very fine, and kept me coming back. But he retired, and l stopped attending.

Btw, Switchable, some psycho-therapists are human too, and their spirit shines through them. THEY are the good ones. Psycho-theory is only a stepping-stone to being a good therapist, and the patient's 'cure' may be found in the interaction of theory and practice (and the human interaction that goes on). I read that earlier 'wise men', the alchemists, were the same. The alchemy might have been bunkum, but the wisdom got passed across. (Maybe the 'l Ching' - do you know it? - works a bit like that too.)

- Ken

Susie, you'd hate one of the books I'm writing.

I don't know where to ask this, and I've mentioned the show in this thread, so I'll put it here. As I've said, I'm watching the show "in Treatment" and it seems a lot of the patients are verbally abusive toward their psychologist. They yell at him, call him names etc. One even threw a cup of coffee at him. Now, I know that tv shows tend to embellish things, but does this happen a lot in real life? I have had many disagreements w/ my real life medical doctors and even refused treatments/procedures quite a bit, but I couldn't do that to them.

Your feelings are not so rare. Attachment from patient to therapist is a big problem in talking therapies and one that practitioners are trained to be aware of, but professionals may still succumb to. One eminent Psychiatrist in the UK writes that in his own profession, entered after years of training which itself follows years of training in general medicine first, many still risk their careers by having sex with patients. He suggests that in the easier entered talking therapies like Counselling, crossing the boundaries into sexual relations with a patient is even more common.

I’ve had 2 psychiatrists who were very beautiful women. On some days I was tempted to ask them about my anal fetish just to watch a beautiful woman discuss the anus as regards sex. Never did.

Just a fetish not any particular doctor I've wanted to have sex with a psychiatrist for a long time.

@bbw4doc oh yes people get violent with the psychiatrist. I've been waiting in line before and some messed up s*** happened. Not just verbally.

I've cussed the doctor a couple times. I think the funniest one was when I was a kid I got my autistic savant dx they told me I had a lack of empathy which we know now is not true it's just I don't see body language. The doctor said you lack empathy and I said well f*** you too

It's called Transference, which often happens as part of the therapeutic process. You analyze that reaction, not act upon it.

@enemasubgirl yes you are correct it is transference in an extreme form and you should terminate with this psychiatrist and get a different one. It is an inappropriate reaction to caregiving and will harm your ability to get better.

I think that attraction to a therapist is quite common. Sessions offer a place for trust and conversation to occur so that thoughts and feelings can be addressed. Never should the therapist behave in a manner to suggest that the boundary between patient and clinician is permeable. This would only make treatment ineffective, cause a patient harm, and minimally be terribly confusing. Your fantasies are just that and should be discussed with the therapist; if necessary a switch to a female may be best.

I'm going through councillng at the moment through what happened during my childhood. I can't help thinking that my psychiatrist gets off on hearing about what I tell him. And if I'm honest I masturbate as soon as I get home. Is there something wrong with me?

I'm going through councillng at the moment through what happened during my childhood. I can't help thinking that my psychiatrist gets off on hearing about what I tell him.

Since he does this for a living, chances are he is probably more bored than getting off on much that he hears from patients.

What a conundrum. I wonder, if you're jerking off to your thoughts of your therapist thinking about you, would you have to find another therapist for this issue, or would it be addressable by the original therapist, and if so, what impact would this have on post-session masturbation? Where's Sigmund Freud when you need him??

On the other hand, I can see the appeal of a scenario where the therapist gets off on the power he/she holds over an individual via knowledge of intimate thoughts and details of their personal lives. Perhaps to push it further, discipline or a punishment/reward system could be implemented to help correct behavior. But as I type this, I realize it's a good thing I'm not a therapist.