Have you ever performed a sex act or S&M scene that changed your relationship with your partner?

Have you ever performed a sex act or sadomasochistic scene that was RELUCTANTLY ACCEPTED by your partner or yourself that forever changed your relationship with them?

What activity did you do?

How was the relationship changed?

Was this change for the better or for the worse?

Were you and/or your partner glad you had the experience or remorseful?

The experience could be one that was thrilling and opened new doors or one that was morbid and you would never repeat.

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I never have, but I'm curious about whether you're assuming here that the reluctant partner continued to dislike it or changed their mind to enjoy it after doing it with you.

Eric

@ericmacson said

I'm curious about whether you're assuming here that the reluctant partner continued to dislike it or changed their mind to enjoy it after doing it with you.

Yes, either you or your partner could have changed their mind or confirmed their original thoughts about what they did.

I'm looking for whatever experiences people have to relate. As I stated in the first post, the experience could be good or bad. I am certain most people have some experience in this realm to one degree or another.

The experience could be one that was thrilling and opened new doors or one that was morbid, but it should have had a profound effect on you.

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Back before the internet was big...back when cell phones were "car phones"....before I knew terms that today are common, such as "bdsm" "subspace" "subdrop" "D/s" I met a woman that wanted to try the same things I wanted.

We both had gotten hold of the paperback books with drawings by "The Bishop". In several books, there were scenes describing how the reluctant submissive woman was put on a device known as the "horse" or "wooden pony". We discussed how it would happen and this was back in a time of more naïve and trusting people...before there were hackers and predators on every corner.

It took some time to assemble the apparatus and the necessary gear to secure her, naked, astraddle this sawhorse device...."wooden pony" as it was called. The idea was for her to vacillate between putting all her weight on her pubic area...and then standing on tiptoes to relieve her pain...ultimately it was painful to do either...another term used today "predicament bondage"

She insisted that no matter what, no matter her pleas....she was to ride for one hour...the clock was set so that only I knew how long she sat.

That hour of changing emotions and the way she played out her suffering taught me so many things about dominance and submission.....things like sadism...and her being a masochist....I learned that she would be known today as a "painslut" It was both fascinating and a bit scary. I learned about my responsibility as not only her "Dom" but as someone that had absolute "care, custody and control" over someone else's well being. I learned what "consensual non-consensual" meant....I just didn't have a term for it back then. The way she begged and pleaded and her anger...and then her acceptance and finally, the way I became her "savior" and how she "worshipped" me when I finally let her down after that hour......I truly believe that this one session way back then imprinted me on what the bdsm experience was all about. She rode that pony only one other time for me and to this day, I have only had a couple of women that accepted the dare. To me....this was as close to real full blown S/m that I could find. I think that is saying quite a lot because I have witnessed some very intense situation since then over the years.

The relationship altering sex act I performed was going to bed with with a very close gay friend of mine a few years after college when we were both in our early twenties. He and I were part of a very close group of friends since high school in the process of settling down. After repeated talks in person with all of us being present, we all thought if I had sex with him, we might be able to have him open up to having sex with women by showing him a really good time.

Not only did it NOT accomplish that, he was the only guy I ever went to bed with (including a few other gay guys) who couldn't get an erection with me and the event destroyed our relationship. I feel certain that he thought his inability to achieve an erection made him appear less of a man to me. I was distraught and very saddened by the event. We had a couple of phone calls after that night accompanied by crying on both our parts, and we never saw each other again.

I have had sex with a couple of other gay friends and we both had a great time. However, having sex with him in an attempt to sway his orientation about being gay was the worst sexual mistake I (and he) ever made. It was a very bad idea and one that I deeply regret.

Switchable....in retrospect...would you have handled this differently? how so?

Sometimes our desire to control a situation makes us take things past the point of good judgement. Sometimes people just cannot be "fixed" to our liking and we must accept this.

What did you learn from having done this?

S/u

BTW...am I getting into something too personal? if so...just say the word

I thought I was pretty clear. It was a terrible idea and the two of us and our young friends made a very bad mistake.

We should have decided not to sleep with each other. At the very least, had the two of us just gone to bed with each other to be close and to hold each other as good friends and not put pressure on anyone to have intercourse or to try to sway anyone's orientation we would have been fine. The intent to sway his sexual orientation or show him how great sex could be with a woman was wrong and was the undoing of our relationship. I have gone to bed and had sex with a few other gay men and we had and still have rewarding non-sexual relationships.

With perhaps one exception, my only vaguely relevant experiences are not of the RELUCTANT sort but only a number of times with ex-wives and ex-GFs where I was introducing them to my kinks and asking about any of theirs. I've never had much problem with getting them to accept my kinks of rubber, sneakers, anal, enemas, bondage and D/s, except for my first wife, where she and I wound up with a minimal sex life often because she clearly wasn't interested in practicing any of those kinks. Almost every other time with an ex, they were somewhat to very accepting of them, especially my 2nd wife. She really enjoyed dressing me in rubber and sneakers and giving me large, long enemas after restraining me. I did have a very early GF who after breaking up for nonsexual reasons and later getting together for a brief month-long hookup, told me she didn't like receiving enemas but did really enjoy having sex wearing a lot of rubber, mostly neoprene wetsuits at that time before I started buying latex suits.

Of course I loved doing all of those kinks, especially combined or all at once, with my GF participating in any or all of them. The most memorable were long evenings or several overnight sessions with me covered completely in latex and sneakers, plugged with a DBC, restrained and filled to 2-4 quarts of enema, acting as my Switch Domme GF/wife's sub, being periodically awakened to service her with whatever she wanted for another orgasm. At the very least, I'd get my usual one orgasm reward late at night or in the morning after satisfying her Dominant urges to have me encased in rubber and full of enema while doing chores and giving her orgasms all night. Great memories. I'd like another one.

Eric

This is a great question.

@SwitchableSusie: That's a very sad incident. I'm not sure the resulting damage could have been predicted, though. tbh, I might have thought the worst that would happen is it'd be a night of unsatisfying sex, or no sexual activity and maybe a brief period of awkwardness after.

When I read the title of the thread, I thought your example would be that of the CNC hostage scene. I've thought about that many times and have mentioned it to a couple people who wanted a "real" situation.

The only situation I'm willing to discuss publicly is with a former gf. I was a healthcare provider at the time and when I told her of my med-fet interests, she drew the conclusion I wasn't trustworthy as a healthcare provider. She couldn't see there was a strong firewall, despite her having a great deal of trust in me before discussing this.

She didn't understand context. I tried to explain it to her this way: She had a brother (they were in their 40's at the time) who was a nice looking guy. I asked her, if she saw him walk down the hallway naked, going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, would she get turned on by it and use it as wank fodder. She was disgusted at the thought; that's her brother. But she wasn't capable of transferring that concept of context to my job. I wouldn't say I regret telling her; it showed me a side of her I'd want to know about.

I wonder if you'd have more responses if people could respond anonymously.

I wonder if you'd have more responses if people could respond anonymously.

No one is here to judge....this is a kink forum. No one will label anyone as wierd/perverted/sick because of a sexual experience that impacted a relationship. I respect those who come forward and open up about something so personal. I would post if I had such an experience!! 😄

@countrysquire said

When I read the title of the thread, I thought your example would be that of the CNC hostage scene. I've thought about that many times and have mentioned it to a couple people who wanted a "real" situation.

I have one of those. I'll post it a little later.

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She had a brother (they were in their 40's at the time) who was a nice looking guy. I asked her, if she saw him walk down the hallway naked, going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, would she get turned on by it and use it as wank fodder. She was disgusted at the thought; that's her brother.

From age 12 to 20 I used to flash my brother on a semi-regular basis. We both thought it was rather silly, but I was a cute, shameless girl and I liked teasing him. It was no big deal.

Y​ou seem like you're perhaps expecting something that's not yet been mentioned. Aside from the example from your own life you posted earlier, do you have any other examples from yourself or others you know of that you can relate and enlighten us?

Like my post earlier, all of mine have just been in introducing my exes to my various fetishes alone or combined, most of which went very well, and made me glad I'd had the courage to reveal them. We enjoyed some really exciting and satisfying sex and intimacy practicing our mutual kinks together.

So much of the sex was wonderful and exciting, but I just deeply wish that I'd been better at picking and maintaining marriages and LT relationships so we'd still be together now.

Thanks,

Eric

@SwitchableSusie:

I have one of those. I'll post it a little later.

It was yours I was referring to. I recall reading a couple posts about it when looking through some old threads. It was very poignant.

From age 12 to 20 I used to flash my brother on a semi-regular basis. We both thought it was rather silly, but I liked teasing him. It was no big deal.

I have three sister and none of the did that for me (:.

Did you have much to flash at 12???

I have three sister and none of the did that for me (:.

Did you have much to flash at 12???

I didn't have a lot at 12, but I had more than enough to spark the interest of my 16 year old brother!

By 14-15, I was looking goooood.

By 16-17 I had the 34Cs that I have today, except then they were higher up.

Here is the consensual non-consent scene to which I was referring. We did this scene about 15 years ago. Parts were emotionally brutal. It drastically changed our relationship for a few years and gave my friend nightmares.

About 15 years ago, my husband and I and an experienced couple we occasionally performed severe S&M scenes with did a scene that included a home break-in with kidnapping and sexual abuse but not intercourse or rape because we thought being that close, the wife would recognize who was raping her.

The wife wanted to do a consensual non-consensuality scene (no safeword, and no way out for her) about 15-16 years ago, the details of which she was never to know. About 15 years ago her husband, my husband and I, hooded and kidnapped his wife in the middle of the night. We did not want to cause any injuries. We drove around for a couple of hours in a rented car and finally brought them to our house for the scene, which was mostly one of bondage and sexual abuse. We did just about anything sexually with her body that came to mind except intercourse (because we thought she might recognize her husband) for almost 24 hours before she was brought back to her house, still hooded and finally released. When her husband told her that she had just experienced the non-consensuality scene she wanted and we had planned more than a year earlier, she said she would NEVER do that again because she was absolutely terrified, was under severe stress and put on a real struggle, crying bitterly as she was anticipating the worst, feeling powerless and fearing for her life.

The scene went exactly as planned, but the consequences weren't so good. We are still good friends today but we don't look back on this with any joy. There are limits, and this went beyond them.

Be careful with home invasions and kidnapping scenes. Aside from taking a lot of planning and being hard to pull off, there can be bad feelings afterward.

I have long stated that after separating from my first husband that I lived with another woman who was 30 years older than I and, yes, we became lovers. While in college I had became enchanted with a man of which we both were introduced to anal sex, it was different but rather enjoyable. One night she began playing with my backside, one thing led to another and she done me with a strap on. She was slow, patient a scene that was repeated over several times, by the way the deed was also returned. It opened my eyes having anal sex with another woman, a night I have never forgotten.

At the end of a year, we both moved on, her to live closer to her grandchildren, I to get on with my life and return to college. One of the things she gave me was a strap on, not the best built in the world, but it had done the job that it was designed for. It was a fairly short amount of time when a man and I would get into a heated session which involved anal play, to which he found out there was a strap on in the drawer. Needless to say he wanted me to give it a trial run, a long story which will not be dwelled on, but it introduced me into doing a man with a strap on. His name once again long forgotten but I would almost bet he remembers me.

My first homosexual experience was when I was a senior in high school and it paved the way for me to have the wonderful sexual relationships I have with my mostly platonic friends Beth and Joan. These are the same Beth and Joan with whom I have done the mummifications of my husband and of myself.

A friend and I had gone clothes shopping many times together and had seen each other nude in store dressing rooms while trying clothes on, but one night we were just trying on clothes at my house and I came right out and asked her of she was ever with another girl.

It was both of our first girl-girl experiences. It felt a little awkward at first, but we enjoyed the hugging and kissing and exploring each others bodies from head to toe. We masturbated and oraled each other and had a wonderful time being close together.

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Not every liaison ends in disaster. 😃

Susie,

I'm glad to hear you had a nice time together with no untoward sequelae like the other experience you detailed with your gay male friend. ???

My first homosexual experience was when I was a senior in high school and it paved the way for me to have the wonderful sexual relationships I have with my mostly platonic friends Beth and Joan. These are the same Beth and Joan with whom I have done the mummifications of my husband and of myself..................

It was both of our first girl-girl experiences. It felt a little awkward at first, but we enjoyed the hugging and kissing and exploring each others bodies from head to toe. We masturbated and oraled each other and had a wonderful time being close together.

Not every liaison ends in disaster. 😃

So you sometimes have sexual times with just one or two of your lesbian friends? Do you do much of your normal kink, enemas, BDSM, restraint, etc., or do you just enjoy more plain sexuality with them? Thanks,

Eric