How to Rekindle One's Sex Life
I'm at a loss for words ~ never in my life have I felt I've had to work hard for sex. Yes, sex seems to be an effort and that is a foreign concept to me.
My boyfriend could take it or leave it. I however, WANT sex.
Some examples:
* We were out fishing last summer and admittedly, I have a thing for his ass and he had these tight shorts on that really showcase his best ass-sets and I feel myself getting horny (it didn't take much). I offer him a blow job (we were out on his boat fishing) and I'm thinking the other boats are far enough away so why not..... he turns me down. (Talk about one sad girl here....)
* I posted an album on facebook (that only he and I could see) of my sexy photography and he got all worried that "everyone" could see it. It caused panic. (My pictures are sexual in nature but classy and tasteful. His knickers got all in a knot..... (he used to swing and obviously didn't have a problem sharing who he was with at the time, but now he doesn't want anyone to see me and that makes me wonder why.....)
* He loves to hike, downhill ski, guns, Harleys, he's a bit of thrill seeker - but has little energy to put into sex....
* We have never watched porn together. He knows I watch porn (I've told him and on the rare occasion sent him links) - he has never suggested we watch any and never showed me what gets him off.
* I know he masturbates (which frustrates me). I asked him to show me how he does it.... to put on a little show for me and I could masturbate with him. There has been no taking up on that offer.
I love him. I want to be his life partner and I'm motivated and willing to do just about anything. I'm trying to figure out if something happened in his past that made him feel less than adequate sexually? Did someone criticize him and that just shut him down? I don't want to put too big a light on this subject because I don't want to do something counterproductive and make things worse. I am turned on by him. I am attracted to him. I do see being with him long term and I want us to have a healthy sex life along with everything else we have.
I have told him in a text.... this is your time to act 18 again... all those naughty things you jerked off to, all that porn you watched that turned you all, all those stories you heard from others that you thought ~ that was hot ~ now's your time. You get a "do-over," I'm giving you permission to go back to high school and be the horny/naughty teenager you never got to be! Think of all the things you wanted to try with a partner but didn't ~ now's your time!!! (So far that hasn't worked either.... 😢 )
This isn't something I can talk to with friends or family - for obvious reasons. I don't know where to turn and this hasn't up to now ever been an issue. He says it's not me it's him... however, that doesn't help much and I still feel helpless and it is impacting my feelings of sexual self-worth. My masturbating constantly in private to release my pent up frustration is getting to me. I guess I just always believed that a couple was supposed to meet each others needs sexually and I've never had a partner who was just "meh" over sex. (When we do have sex, I don't have an issue getting him hard and he normally does cum).