Role play vs intimacy

This is a topic that really interests me. I read all the time about guys wanting to meet up for role play scenarios, or enjoy role play with their partner (short or long term). I've been contacted multiple times with requests for role plays. I've had some interesting role plays with a few guys over the past couple years, all one-time encounters and involving enemas and other medfet items (e.g. rectal thermometers, suppositories, DREs, etc).

Role play is kinky and fun but they lack something that is more important to me: INTIMACY. Role play to me is about putting on a one-act play complete with planned or envisioned scripts. Even language is geared toward the role play (ex: "I need to check your prostate but I need to give you an enema first."). Some guys even dress the part such as with scrubs or a white lab coat. Again, it's fun, it's kinky, and for the most part, everyone goes their separate way usually quite satisfied with the event. Most of the time there's no sex involved, not even an orgasm, just enemas, or whatever, is the primary focus of the play. The orgasm comes after the party has left, alone of course.

I can enjoy role play with just about anyone be it for medfet, age regression, father/son, but when it comes to intimacy there has to be chemistry, a "match" so to speak. I don't become intimate with just anyone I meet. It's not about appearances or shape of the body but about the person INSIDE the body. Do we have similarities in what we enjoy in life as well as what we enjoy in the bedroom? Are we both compassionate and caring toward one another? Is there a desire to just be close with our bodies? Is there LOVE involved? I consider myself a very compassionate, caring, and loving person. I enjoy hugging, laying naked with another naked man, kissing, fondling, exploring, examining every inch of him, front and back. I enjoy sex, both oral and anal, with a man. And, yes, I can also include role play to some extent in the midst of all these emotions without feeling I need to read from a perceived script.

To me, intimacy is all about spontaneity vs practiced role plays. I learn as much as I can about the other person before we meet and then incorporate that knowledge into intimate relationship with that person. To some extent there is role play but the rest of it...whatever happens, happens but almost always includes everything the other desires (based on the detailed profiling I've done), and I get the same in return.

Spontaneity in intimacy is about exploring, experimenting, searching and plying for those erogenous zones that turn a man on and brings him to the pinnacle of an ultimate climax. Feelings and emotions combine to the point that no script is needed; one just follows his instinct and call on his partner's reactions to different stimuli (e.g. sounds and movements indicating pleasure or heightened emotions) to guide the way. To me it's a real "feel good" thing to have intimacy in a relationship, whether it be a one-time encounter, multiple encounters with the same person, or even a long-term live-together type relationship.

So, how about it guys. How do you define role play vs intimacy? What do you look for the most in your encounters with another male? What brings you more happiness vs pleasure (or both)?

Alex

The term is ROLE PLAY.

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The degree of intimacy depends on how you relate to each other, NOT the acts you are performing.

You can fuck a one night stand all night long and never see them again or you can fuck your spouse all night long in a 50 year loving relationship. It's not what you are doing that counts, it's how you feel about each other that is the source of intimacy.

Thanks, Susie. I corrected them and re-posted. I'm usually a good speller but that one got by me. Thanks for the catch.

Alex

The degree of intimacy depends on how you relate to each other, NOT the acts you are performing.

My thoughts exactly. A nice way to sum it up!

Just saw this, great topic Alex.

There's something about "roll play" that bothers me because for me it feels like we're hiding something behind when i do this with someone. like there is something real there, but it's being clothed in "role play?" Maybe it's the intimacy that you refer to? That some people avoid intimacy by 'keeping it role play?'

To me, intimacy has the potential of deepening whatever it is we may be looking for in the kink we are exercising, that it is an expression of a need or desire and the kink is our way of opening up or letting it out? Or maybe that in the role play we hope to touch on things that we are not quite willing or ready to say directly?

Just saw this, great topic Alex.

There's something about "roll play" that bothers me because for me it feels like we're hiding something behind when i do this with someone. like there is something real there, but it's being clothed in "role play?" Maybe it's the intimacy that you refer to? That some people avoid intimacy by 'keeping it role play?'

To me, intimacy has the potential of deepening whatever it is we may be looking for in the kink we are exercising, that it is an expression of a need or desire and the kink is our way of opening up or letting it out? Or maybe that in the role play we hope to touch on things that we are not quite willing or ready to say directly?

Role play is FANTASY play. Nothing more.

It has nothing to do with intimacy or the lack of it or opening up or letting out. In fact experienced players are usually careful NOT to bring real life into role play.

I've corrected the spelling in the thread title.

Thank you for correcting the spelling, Oz!

Alex

I'm really intrigued by this question. (So why not revive a seven-year-old thread?)

For me, it's not a matter of either fetish play or intimate play (or a versus relationship between those two things). Instead, it's a matter of degree.

I am someone who loves intimacy with my sexual partners--but those relationships take time to build. I don't particularly enjoy getting physical with men who don't turn me on socially or mentally. So kink is something that's fun to engage in when I'm in between fuck buds or if I need to spice things up a bit.

My kink is tied to a degree of distance between me and the play doc, so I never want the level of intimacy I have with a regular sex buddy. There's something exciting about someone I don't know that well taking charge. And yet, I see opportunities to build a degree of intimacy within the role play framework. For me, that comes through discussing a scene with a play doc. It comes through a doc issuing orders but also asking embarrassing questions that (sort of) fall in the "get to know you" category (how many partners have you had, when did you first start having sex, etc.). It also comes through aftercare. I only cum and leave if I had a really bad experience. But if that prework is done, it's nice to be able to get to know my play doc better, what he's thinking and feeling after a scene, what he'd love to explore within this kind of role play.

So yeah, I see that as intimacy, but within certain parameters.