Hard limits

Not just in BDSM, but that, and sex in general. We all have hard limits, those that we just WILL NOT do.

I'm one of the most open minded, and experimental people I know. Pervert, and proud. There are things that make me cringe.

Without getting into children, animals, or dead people (for obvious reasons) What are your hard limits?

Me- An activity likely to make me bleed. Marks/bruises anywhere but my buttocks, Breath deprivation/ strangling. (put your hands around my neck, and you're looking for an assault charge, AFTER I kick you in the nuts), rape fantasies. Scat (a little poop during anal doesn't scare me, but poop as any form of sex...no)

An important thing to discuss ! It's interesting where the bar is set for everyone... while I'd set mine almost right where you did buttwoman I'm sure there is a bit of variation. It would be nice if there was a common threshold, but I don't think that's going to be the reality. Keep things safe, clean, without unintended discomfort, and always talk about something there is a doubt about.

This is a good question. Kudos to the OP.

Mashie

I agree with the 7 limits noted by OP - absolutely for me as well. Also intentional cutting and fire play are hard ones. I suppose almost hard but somewhat negotiable slightly softer ones are extremely painful spanking/flogging, breath play, needles, biting, wax, (any but mild) pain, humiliation of known serious/real issues (e.g., erections).

Eric

I will try just about anything at least once.

I am used to having my body handled in various ways by people I engage in BDSM activity or have sex with and pain isn't a problem. No body part is off limits.

My hard limit would be an activity causing an injury that would require medical attention to heal or one that would leave a scar, so no poking fingernails into my eye sockets, no breaking bones and no tearing ligaments and tendons.

Aside from two small studded earrings in each earlobe lobule, my body is a clean slate except for my stretched out hymen 😁 and I plan on keeping it that way.

Well difficult to describe so many things that would be off limits. I know some are really into these types of things but they are not for me. So here is my off limits list.

Scat.

Pain that results in physical injury or extreme discomfort; I am not into BSDM, which in most cases doesn't result in physical injury but still not into that type of sex. I do not like any kind of form of degrading or dehumanzition of a sex partner.

I am not into age play like adult babies- I find it an interesting form of sex play but it's not for me.

So that leaves the door open to lots of other stuff.

Most of my known hard limits are similar to what's been discussed here, but I guess I'm on the "prude" side, as another one is that sex is only with my wife.

Obviously that includes my genitals being stimulated or me being penetrated by someone else's genitals or a sex toy, but I'm not completely sure exactly where the line goes beyond that, as it's never really been an issue.

Degradation. Tie me up, beat me, use me but degrading talk is a no. Face slapping. Hit anything else you want but face slapping is out. Water sports and poo. Age play.

I'm like Prov1 in that in general I don't appreciate verbal degradation or dehumanization, especially of any known personal/medical issues (e.g., in my case, bad ED from meds). However, since I would always be with a Domme I know, care about and trust, certain "degrading" things specific to our known kinks is fine and actually very arousing. My 2nd ex-wife told me her secret sexual desire for years and years with her prior late husband was to be given "degrading" enemas by her husband, in this case, me. So me acting Dom (we switched) and telling her she was going to get plugged and filled and anything I wanted to do to accentuate the humiliating aspects of her enema was great. For my part, she could demand I be covered in hot sweaty rubber and sneakers, tied up and filled with as much enema as she thought I needed before holding it and giving her as many orgasms as required while retaining. Her running commentary reminding me about my humiliating submission to her, how long I'd be covered in rubber, how much and/or how many enemas I was looking forward to, how long I'd be holding it, and anything else along the lines of accentuating my humiliation from submission was very arousing and welcome. She also taught me how to add to this humiliation scene by getting a mild/moderate spanking while holding an enema (which was new to me) which I later did to her, which she loved. What you do or avoid doing in D/s for both to enjoy it depends on the specific dynamics between the two specific players.

Eric

Mine are similar to those above. One thing I would have to add is that thing you read one guy did online so decided you are an expert in.

If you think you're an expert from an online post you're probably not touching me. Especially if 'that post' included red fingernails!

What's the matter with a little verbal degradation?

Do you wake up the next morning with leprosy? 😁 😁 😁

Understanding that we play by RACK and that accidents can happen, I would not consent to permanent or likely injury requiring medical care, piercing, face slapping, scars or breath play. However, emotional harm is as important to me as physical. Humiliation and degradation are hard limits. That said, embarrassment is fine! How does a Dom know the individual difference between humiliation and embarrassment? Communication, pushing in increments, checking in. Embarrassment may be revealing intimacies, secrets, desires. "I see how wet your pussy gets when I fuck your ass with the nozzle. I know you wanted this big enema, didn't you?" Humiliation is meant to diminish a person, and thus not 'my thing.' "Your expulsion is revolting and you should be ashamed of how you smell." Also, the lack of aftercare is a hard limit, especially if I've been pushed hard or far or my mind has been blown from a good mind fuck.

I really have lived by one rule so far - "consenting adults." I think that covers most things. While I am not into choking, or blood or severe degradation, if a partner really wanted that I would see what I could do to accommodate her. However if a sub wanted a branding or something that could cause injury or permanent damage, I would probably have to pass on that.

Other than that, I'm open! And so far it's pretty easy to say that when I seem to be kinkier than the partners I've been with! Since I enjoy a pretty wide variety of kink, it's usually me that is pushing the boundaries of intimacy...

Nothing that will leave any marks, even temporary. I don't want to have to come up with an explanation for anything

Also, no needles, anesthesia, sounding or catheterization (paranoid about damaging the urethra) or sexual intercourse.

What's the matter with a little verbal degradation?

Do you wake up the next morning with leprosy? 😁 😁 😁

Maybe with leprosy of the soul? You never really know what can really really upset people beyond what they can handle, even if it is in a contrived, play-acting setting. For myself I don't think I would care to participate in any play like that either. Even listening to verbal abuse in movies or shows can make me anxious or else spitting mad (at the abuser). So who knows if I could keep my cool in a play-acting setting?

My sister, as part of her acting school lessons, once participated in police training courses, playing the wife part of a domestic violence altercation. Trainee cops were then supposed to show how they would handle the situation and try and defuse it. And even though all the trainees knew it was just play-acting, most lost their cool and got all worked up and lost any semblance of professional demeanor.

Which goes to show that people cannot always control their emotions, even when they know the situation is not for real.

You never really know what can really really upset people beyond what they can handle, even if it is in a contrived, play-acting setting. . . . So who knows if I could keep my cool in a play-acting setting?

Which goes to show that people cannot always control their emotions, even when the know the situation is not for real.

@agracier I agree that for something like verbal degradation the participants really have to discuss beforehand what can and can't be used/said. Things like weight or race or past abuse or sexual history can be real hot buttons so the one being 'assaulted' had better consent to those (and similar) subjects before the scene starts. But there are people who like and want it all, the nastier the better, for whatever reason. I would do it if requested, as long as I knew there wasn't a mental issue (depression, self-hating) that caused my partner's interest in being degraded.

And @agracier, I don't want to sound mean, or holier-than-thou, but if you don't know if you can control yourself, or keep your cool in a play setting, then I don't think you should ever be in a D/S situation as a Dom. I don't know if that is your inclination anyway, but the Dom(me) MUST ALWAYS be in control of themselves. No if's and's or buts. (butts! 😃 The sub has placed their safety and security in the Doms hands... there is no room or "ooops, I shouldn't have done that, or ooops I got carried away!" If the Dom(me) can't be sure they can control themselves, then they may not react to the safe word being called, which is totally and completely unforgivable.

Hard limits must always be established and respected. Period.

That said, I'll quote Bob Dylan, "I used to care, but things have changed." For those of us who are long-term in the life-style, our tastes and some, or maybe many, limits have evolved. As a sub, there are many things that were initially in the NFW column, but having extended relationships with skillful, experienced Dommes in whom I developed total trust, most of my early hard limits are no longer.

#1 was trust, followed closely by communication (or the reverse order). Understanding the much wider range of how certain forms of play can occur, testing out something with a clear understanding that either of us could bail out at any time, and, frankly, reading about others' experience here have all contributed to a much larger and broader palette.

As a Domme, communication and understanding (never assume you really understand without checking more than one way) are paramount. Many years ago a sub was ONLY interested in enemas - - fine. NO SPANKING, she said - - OK. A year or so later, she saw my paddle collection in my bag and admitted some curiosity. A mild demonstration. Next time, a bit more, etc. Soon enough, that hard limit was completely gone because of communication and trust and a willing curiosity. But her limit was always respected and only she could change it.

I totally agree that there are some immutable hard limits: children, animals, deadly risks. I've bled a few times, but those were accidents or incidental and not intended or carelessly caused. I would never ask for that, while respecting those who do. I ended a relationship with a sub who sought more damage (spanking, whipping, caning) than I was willing to administer. In a few cases, there are activities I would only try as a sub in the hands of a known expert, such as fire play, bullwhips and similar high-skill fetishes.

RACK and SSC are real and important. So is knowing what you're doing - on both ends, so you know when it's going/gone wrong. Venturing into new activities demands doing your homework, understanding anatomy, physiology, signs of medical trouble, knowing your counterpart's medical circumstances, etc. Don't try something new or adventurous if either one of you is tired, or intoxicated or dehydrated. Be smart. Pay attention. Listen. Being responsible means exactly that - every time.

For me, some of the hottest experiences have come from pushed limits - on each side - when creativity met trust and care.

Good post @bburl . I agree with the immutable hard limits (consenting adults), and also how 'hard limits' can certainly change.

It's even easier to see this in the vanilla world. How many women start out saying NO ANAL, no, never, don't even think about it. Maybe they even gave in once, get hurt by an inconsiderate lover and then double down on NEVER. But... then a good lover/partner comes along. Over time (months, years) he touches, massages, kisses, licks, fingers and boom! Suddenly anal sex is on the table again.

Even with kink, many will throw watersports on the NEVER pile. It's disgusting/degrading, big NO. But, if you are in a real intimate, loving, trusting relationship, you can slowly introduce things, one small step at a time. And then who knows? Certainly not everyone will change their mind or even allow those steps to start, but a good many will. A good Dom/lover just knows they shouldn't try for the whole cookie all at once. Just take a tiny bite, and see how it goes.

*** Oh, I should add that during a scene is NOT the time to even take a 'bite' of the cookie. It should never be a surprise, or occur without direct communication or consent. Actually even asking for consent during a scene would be wrong, since there is already a power dynamic established and the sub will feel obligated to say yes just due to the situation. I'm probably not making sense anymore... carry on. 😄

Nothing that will leave any marks, even temporary. I don't want to have to come up with an explanation for anything

Also, no needles, anesthesia, sounding or catheterization (paranoid about damaging the urethra) or sexual intercourse.

It sounds like you might be cheating on someone LIKE YOUR WIFE! 😁

If your wife caused the marks, they wouldn't need any explanation.

It sounds like you might be cheating on someone LIKE YOUR WIFE! 😁

If she caused the marks, they wouldn't need any explanation.

I saw the "no sexual intercourse" and thought that was a bit odd. For people who are engaged in an intimate, kinky, sexual relationship to rule out sexual intercourse is not really the 'norm.'

I saw the "no sexual intercourse" and thought that was a bit odd. For people who are engaged in an intimate, kinky, sexual relationship to rule out sexual intercourse is not really the 'norm.'

The "no sexual intercourse" is so he can say he ISN'T cheating.

The fact is, if you are getting something outside the home that you do not get at home, it's easy to say you aren't cheating and I would be one to say it isn't cheating if your wife won't do what you want. Unfortunately, cheating is usually defined in the eyes of the one feeling cheated upon.

@bburl "For me, some of the hottest experiences have come from pushed limits - on each side - when creativity met trust and care."

Says the Master of Pushing Limits. ❤️

My hard limits are: blood, marks and scat

i´d like to get into some peeplay, where i have to swallow pee (only mine).....

keep your cool in a play setting, then I don't think you should ever be in a D/S situation as a Dom. I don't know if that is your inclination anyway, but the Dom(me) MUST ALWAYS be in control of themselves.

Don't know how anyone would ever get the impression I'd be inclined to be a Dom. That is the last role I'd ever want to assume. I have no inclination whatsoever to dominate someone - playacting or otherwise.

Then again I don't really like to be bossed around either, not in fun and probably not in play either. My remark about keeping my cool was meant if I were playing a sub. I really don't know if I could find any pleasure in it.

Guess I'd be a difficult partner ... 😃

I'm a switch with some preference for subbing, but I enjoy both. The only reason I really can enjoy domming is knowing with certainty that my woman partner/sub is really enjoying herself and wants to be ordered around, dominated and subjected to various stimuli (spanking, bondage, enemas, rubber sex clothes..............leading to as many orgasms as she likes) as much as I do when I'm her sub.

Eric

I'm sure there are many I can't think of right now, but we'll start with urine, yeast infections, foot fetishism, and menstruation. Incidental poop doesn't bother me (say if she doesn't wipe as well as she could. Also, if facefucking (by penis or dildo) happens, then I like the idea of testing her gag reflex, so vomit is OK as long as it doesn't get on my face.

First, I'm not into BDSM, and not only because I'm too claustrophobic to allow bindings, ropes and chains. Being unable to move would trigger a panic attack. I'm pretty ignorant about the attractions of BDSM, and it's my impression that it's based on cruelty. That said, I have to admit that certain porn videos showing mild forms of it are arousing. Why is that?

Second, I'm somewhat of a germophobe. Scat is out. Sharing sex toys requires soap, chlorine bleach, alcohols, hydrogen peroxide or other antibacterial cleansers. Good hygiene is essential.

Third, pain is out. A light spanking wakes up my erogenous nerves, but anything that leaves welts or breaks the skin is a deal-breaker.

I'm pretty ignorant about the attractions of BDSM, and it's my impression that it's based on cruelty. That said, I have to admit that certain porn videos showing mild forms of it are arousing. Why is that?

@Sallyxx While you might not be into it, please dont think BDSM is about cruelty. Every ‘true’ Dom knows about and respects real limits... and uses SAFE words! Some submissive want/are excited by the pain, the humiliation, the embarrassment, the control they give up. But its very possible for a D/S relationship to have NO physical punishment at all! Every act of submission is understood and negotiated by the parties involved.

As for your attraction... many vanilla women have BDSM-lite interests. Hair pulling, some ass smacking, being ‘taken’ by their man... these are very common themes even among the non-kinky members of society. But just like vanilla relationships, BDSM ones are based on mutual trust and CONSENT! Everything done with a 100% TRUSTED partner is discussed or negotiated beforehand. Real ‘Doms’ dont abuse their power over their sub... they understand the needs and wants of their sub, and push exactly where it is needed to maximize pleasure for both parties. Anything other than that is criminal abuse.

I have hard limits, and then there are some things that just dont interest me at all.

Hard Limits: No blood or damage. Nothing gross in my mouth (no licking floors or shoe soles, pee or scat, etc.). No public humiliation or verbal degradation. No scat. No Peeing or shitting myself. No hair bondage (because my hair is almost always dyed some crazy color and breaks easily).

No interest: baby age play, needles, mummification, living as a slave/sub full time... theres probably more but I cant think of it.

For the most part I think trying anything that's not my hard limit is okay. If my partner was really into getting injections, I would try it for his/her enjoyment. I dont want injections, however (see above, blood). Lucky for me I have a partner whose kink mostly aligns with mine and it's not an issue.

No diapers, pee, scat, blood, and a whole lot more. Anyone setting up for a first time meeting should do a written scenario and explore their interests long before real life. Go slow stay safe