Hard limits

@Sallyxx While you might not be into it, please dont think BDSM is about cruelty. Every ‘true’ Dom knows about and respects real limits... and uses SAFE words! .... As for your attraction... many vanilla women have BDSM-lite interests. .... But just like vanilla relationships, BDSM ones are based on mutual trust and CONSENT! Everything done with a 100% TRUSTED partner is discussed or negotiated beforehand.

CJ1999, thank you for clarifying the universal policies regarding BDSM. I got my erroneous impressions from watching porn videos where the sub seemed to be suffering real trauma. Must have been acting. It fooled me!

Sallyxx said

CJ1999, thank you for clarifying the universal policies regarding BDSM. I got my erroneous impressions from watching porn videos where the sub seemed to be suffering real trauma. Must have been acting. It fooled me!

Acting? Not a chance.

see this:

http://www.shesuffers.com/skewers-tit-torture/#.W1kTgRTLExU

give it time to load. Nothing fake here. A surgical/orthopedic bone awl or osteotome is being hammered through her breast into a block of wood. This is NOT a unique video. There are many like this and even more severe. This one doesn't show much blood, but there are many where the blood pours out.

Likewise, you can always nail your man's balls to a 2 by 4.

PLAY HARD!

CJ1999, thank you for clarifying the universal policies regarding BDSM. I got my erroneous impressions from watching porn videos where the sub seemed to be suffering real trauma. Must have been acting. It fooled me!

@Sallyxx Well what I described SHOULD be universal in BDSM, but just like regular sex, or relationships, or marriage, there are always some that do not ‘play nice.’ Mainstream porn is about as true to ‘real sex’ (really now, WTF is up with all that spitting??), as BDSM porn is to BDSM. Some aspects are there, but it’s fake fake fake.

With the right (ie trusted) partner you could start super slow with minor restraints and/or a mild spanking... and then just stop there or continue with a little more if interested. Or just be submissive with neither of those activities! Every BDSM relationship dynamic is unique to the people involved, based on what they both like, are curious about, or are willing to try for a loved partner. You can make it ANYTHING you want!

I agree with CJ1999 on starting things slow. My current partner is not into any kind of bondage at all, so we just do not go there. We go a lot of other places. Past partners have enjoyed mild bondage to different degrees. I am not super into it, but my old waterbed had screw eyes under the side rails and I had some velcro closure cuffs. One girlfriend liked being blindfolded and probed with toys. It was like a game for her figuring what toys we were using. Never any blood or welts or soreness that endured. We may have dirtied some of the toys sticking them way up where the sun don't shine, but it was all fun and we both enjoyed it. Just a little cleanup after the post orgasmic nap.

Like most fetishes people take them to different extremes. You can like something without being extreme. And when you first start out, don't let the extremes cloud your vision. Your road may or may not take that turn.

Those of you who know me know I am into med fet and especially gyno play. You would be surprised at how many women would start off saying they would never ever enjoy being probed. The real doctor left a bad enough impression. But over time, and lots of things that felt good, their outlooks changed. Same thing with anal sex. Lots of girlfriends had a negative impression of it, but with time, trust, and lots of going slow and making it feel good, many of them came to enjoy it enough to initiate it.

I agree with CJ1999 on starting things slow .... Like most fetishes people take them to different extremes. You can like something without being extreme. And when you first start out, don't let the extremes cloud your vision. Your road may or may not take that turn.

@Sallyxx: Mainstream porn is about as true to ‘real sex’... as BDSM porn is to BDSM. Some aspects are there, but it’s fake fake fake. .... Every BDSM relationship dynamic is unique to the people involved, based on what they both like, are curious about, or are willing to try for a loved partner. You can make it ANYTHING you want!

Thank you. I understand now that BDSM doesn't necessarily presume going to extremes. It sounds like role play is involved a lot of times, complete with appropriate garb and equipment to bring a scenario to life. I wouldn't object to that if, as you say, the details are agreed upon in advance and both parties put trust in the safe word. Having a loved partner would make all the difference in the world to me.

Exactly. You can start out with some silk neckties and a blindfold. It is doubtful you would even need a safe word with that mild a situation. You don't need to hit the hardware store for screw eyes, pulleys and ropes right away. Or ever if you don't want to go that far. I would never go farther than something that could eventilley get myself out of if I was not with a trusted partner. And the way you develop trust is by building it up. It is a process. Your journey may lead to cuffs and chains nd all kinds of apparatuses and some real beatings if you are into it, or it may just be a mild version. As long as both people involved are adults and they are both happy and the have agreed upon protocols in place so they are playing safe, it's all good.

Thank you, reggind. I'm reassured by your words.

You can start out with some silk neckties and a blindfold.

I could do that if releasing the neckties was something I could do without help. I like your advice about not going further than what you could get out of if you were not with a trusted partner.