Dealing with a long distance relationship

How do I make future long distance BDSM relationships work? I'm not so good at that right now 😢. Ideas?

Call often, write often, send photos, video chat, and tease.

As a rule, you CAN'T make long distance (real) relationships work.

If all you want is a little pen-pal or skype entertainment they are OK.

Real fulfillment is going to be tough if you are only together in person a couple of times a year, and that doesn't even consider if the relationship going to be closed and exclusive or if you will be seeing others in the biblical sense between visits.

I have had a guy who lives in USA as a partner for 3 years now , he's truly lovely and visits me twice a year , rarely goes a few hours without messaging and is the first person who messages when I wake and last person to say goodnight when I sleep . I have no idea if there's a future as we live over 2000 miles apart .

It's lovely though , and my life is nicer for having him in it .

We Skype a lot , message , send gifts to each other . He's a sweetie , we take each day as it comes , I can't imagine not having him there now

They're a challenge but doable. You have to be willing to allow the other person to live their life and not interfere unduly while getting one another's needs met. Can be a fine balance.

Curious and I have been in such a relationship for nearly 2 years. It's much as Paris Winter describes. Curious and I are 3000 miles apart but meet twice a year for a few days of play. We IM frequently and Skype most days. She is my dream girl, allowing my lifelong desires and fantasies to be fulfilled....I never imagined that would happen but it has. And I treasure her for it. My existence is much enriched.

Neither of us knows what the future holds. But one day at a time is all any of us have. My gratitude to Zity for making this possible.

I think it is possible to have a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I are making it work. It's hard to not see him in person every day or to be with him. We talk everyday on Skype and we text back and forth a lot. He lives in Connecticut while I live in Kentucky. We have gotten to meet once, in real life. As far as BDSM goes, it depends on your partner. Which ever of you is the Dominate one, you can order the Sub to do things that you want them to do. It depends on how far you want to go and how creative you can be. You just have to have patience and no sweat the small things. If you aren't near each other, you can't worry about the other person and what they are doing all the time. You have to have trust them and the bond that you have with each other.

I have to say that it's absolutely doable. You just have to make it work. It's definitely NOT easy. Rayme and I have been doing it for almost 2 years now. He lives on the West coast and I live on the East coast. Like he said, we communicate every day with texting and messenger apps and we Skype almost every day. We take every chance we get to talk or to see one another. It may only be for 2 or 3 minutes sometimes, but we use every opportunity we are given. I simply cannot believe that we have what we have. We are incredibly lucky to have found one another. We are counting the days down until we can be together again. Also, like Paris Winter said, we say good morning first thing and we say good night every single night. One day at a time. We have no idea what the future holds, but we are gonna keep on doing what we are doing for as long as we can. When we are together it's pure bliss. I cannot imagine NOT having Rayme in my life. Our relationship is a gift and I am incredibly thankful and grateful for every second that we have together.

Be reasonable with your rules. Don't make ones that cannot be followed; do scenes that involve fantasy and fun. Creativity will be your best friend. Try out something with those plastic locks!

All forms of communication will be fun, but keep first and foremost in mind that you will NEED that communication, and face to face won't be as much of an option. Don't be afraid to check in with each other

If you're the sub (and I am guessing you are, or you might already know the answer to your own question) then modern technology is where it's at to keep intimacy of any kind fresh at thousands of miles. Start with texting a picture of your spoon-reddened butt with the caption, "i had to do this to myself this morning because You weren't here. It didn't work. i still need Your discipline..."

Twelve year LTR here, normie not BDSM. Two different states, she has a career and I'm semi-retired. It works with monthly flights on average, lots of texts and emails, and phone calls at least 3-4 times a week. And no expectations. If what you want out of the relationship (!) can't be sustained with as little as that, it's basically over and you should seek a local partner. Or seek a local partner anyway...

Oh yeah, my mom and her boyfriend have been together in a long distance relationship for about 32 years! They got together when I was 14. He lived with us for several years until his job took him back to San Francisco area. He comes down several times a year to see her and stays several days. Sometimes they go to Vegas or Laughlin. Long distance can work, but you have to put work into it if you want it to work, the same as any relationship.

First of all, Sue is right, LDR's don't work all that often. However, as you have read, they can work, but like any worthwhile relationship, they take work, and probably more work than a closer relationship. Doc and I are going on ten years and there is 600 miles between us. What helps us is that we are both great communicators. Communication is the key to success in just about everything I have to say.

Also don't have unreal expectations of your partner and or your relationship. Because this will only bring disappointment and that isn't fair to either of you. Just make sure you guys tell each other what you want and more importantly what you need. Then go and work on yourselves and your relationship.

Mashie

Pity we leave substantially more than 600 miles apart, Mashie, but I have no unreal expectations if we ever met - bending over you lap with pants down for big daddy "shots in the bucket"!

Nick

You always know how to flatter me Nicky. Thank you for that.

Mashie

Delighted to please you as always, Mashie, but tell me how I have flattered you. I merely expressed the genuine desire to have my favourite nurse treat me in my favourite way, although I do recall your liking for the term "shot in the bucket".

Nick(y)

@curious1313 I'm in upstate NY also - I have the same interests as you.

Moderator Edit: email address removed

Of course I'm new at it. But for me it's communication. Every day, without missing a day! As these what you have. Describe how your day went. Ask about his. Chat more. It's understandable that sometimes you won't have time, leave a message as soon as possible, for him or you to read when you can. Explore new things, make some special items for eachother to be with you all the time to remind that you belong to him and he has you. You both should be constantly in your minds...

I agree Lenchick

In regards to long distance relationships. Stated directly they can be quite enjoyable, exciting and just very fun! Sure they can be inconvenient and even costly however they are very special, stimulating and exciting. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Well give a LDR a try and you will soon find out that yes it does! What a great reason to "get away" and leaving it all behind for a few days spending it with that special playmate!

If you put the effort in.. anything is possible..