I have had, so far, just the most wonderful day of self-indulgence that I felt the desire to share with fellow kinksters.

For the first time in I can't remember how long, work was quiet and I happened to be working from home. With a USPS package having arrived just yesterday and the UPS guy due today, I decided early on to treat myself to a day of pampering. Having taken care of business by 09:30 I turned on the do not disturb sign on the computer and collected a towel, a razor, my iPad and my brand new Silicone Nozzles 3 liter vinyl enema bag and headed to the bathroom.

Taking time to get things just how I like them, I laid the towel neatly on the floor, slid off my shorts and hung them on the towel peg. The iPad was sat in its customary place on the floor, propped against the wall directly in front of the toilet.

First order of business was to do away with my 5 o'clock shadow that had appeared since shaving my entire pubic and butt area in the shower last evening. I was determined that today would be perfect in every respect and wasn't going to settle for anything less than silky smooth. 20 minutes of painstaking attention to detail achieved the desired result. One which I put to the touch test repeatedly before moving on to the second treatment.

I removed the enema bag cap and secured the bag to the bag hanger that my new best friends at Silicone Nozzles provided. Resplendent in a wonderful shade of red. I took a few minutes to admire my new purchase, marveling at its quality. Having moved the clamp down the 7ft vinyl tube to sit about 6 inches above the nozzle, I set the bag aside and turned on the faucet in the tub to get the water to the perfect temperature. Not too hot. Not too cold. Just Goldilocks. The bag filled in no time and the anticipation in my loins was rising quickly. "Shit!" I'd failed to notice that the hook on the hanger was too narrow to fit over the towel rack where I usually hang my bag.

Undeterred, I calmly picked up my effects and relocated to the master bathroom. I quickly ditch my wife's robe from its coat hook on the closet door and hung the hook on the door of the W.C. A little higher than I usually hang my bag, I made note that the clamp would need to be opened only partially so as not to overcome myself with a fill too rapid. I hung the bag, the hose and nozzle dangled in to the tub in case of spillage while resetting the scene. Having set out the towel again and found a perfect perch for my iPad, nothing remained but to lie down and slowly insert the lovely, pliable 6 inch nozzle. I'm used to using something more substantial, so was curious how it would feel and perhaps a little anxious that I would be disappointed. All those feelings were cast immediately aside as the nozzle slid, easily, lovingly, tenderly in to my oh so willing butt hole.

I lay back, my right hand on the clamp and took a deep breath. Click. One notch released on the clamp and the familiar feeling of blissfully warm water entering my rectum hypnotized me immediately. I watched as the water level fell from capacity by 200ml in the calibrated bag before, click, I let out another notch on the clamp. Waiting for the pressure in my rectum to build sufficiently to let the water breach into my sigmoid colon I took another breath just as it happened. The lovely gurgle that I always feel seemed to release more endorphins. This was blissful. The rate of water emptying from the bag and filling me was just perfect. I'd accounted for the extra height at which I'd hung the bag and was totally content with the pace of things. More deep breaths as the bag continued to drain. Past the halfway mark (1.5 liters) and down to the 1 liter to go point - my traditional fill from my traditional red rubber bag. I had no particular goal in mind other than going with the flow (see what I did there?) to fill myself fuller than I usually do. At the 2.4 liters in point, I started to feel uncomfortable so made the decision to stop while I was still enjoying things. Clamping the hose closed I also closed my eyes and lay, perfectly still, taking in the entire experience.

When the time came to expel I made for the toilet and went about that business. Some revel in the expulsion. I am, after 7 years of regular enemas, still entirely on the fence that sits between feelings of eroticism or stimulation and mere function. This particular time I found gratifying and was particularly delighted to notice that the expulsion was clearer than usual by the end. This I attribute to having on Tuesday and Wednesday experimented for the first time with Bronner's peppermint Castile. The process was made richer by catching up on the latest Zity postings as I sat there.

Having loved every second of the first bag, I moved swiftly on to number 2. As the shampoo bottles say, "rinse and repeat as necessary". This time I drained 2.5 liters from the bag before deciding that was enough. Expulsion from bag number 2 I found to be more on the erotic side than purely functional. Entirely clear by the time the process was complete, I figuratively fist-bumped myself for both buying my new bag and deciding to spoil myself so rottenly.

Having taken time to clean and dry my equipment I moved on to a different flavor of indulgence and removed my Squarepeg Slink from its hiding place and found the jar of coconut oil we have secreted in the bathroom cabinet. I applied a dab of oil to the tip of my favorite plug, wiping the excess from my fingers on my puckered hole before goosing myself gently with the oily tip. Standing, one leg on the floor, one propped on the bathroom counter to give myself a grandstand view of the action in the mirror, I eased the first few inches in. Having learned in my year of ownership that this is a toy requiring finesse, I gradually inserted more of the wonderful, soft-yet-firm bronze colored silicone deeper into myself, twisting and withdrawing, inserting, twisting, withdrawing, inserting before pausing before mounting my last push to the summit. Having made sure to apply some of the lube now coating my butt crack to the bulb of the toy, I eased the remaining 4 inches into myself feeling, simultaneously, the bulb breaching my anal sphincter and the tip tickling under my rib cage.

I repeated the process several times before placing a mirror in the tub, and climbing in. I laid down, positioned myself for a perfect view in the mirror and slid all 21 inches of silicone awesomeness in one continuous movement to the hilt. And there I lay, touching the tip on my toy through the skin on the left side of my abdomen. I said to myself that I had no need for 21 virgins in heaven if only I could take my Slink with me.

It was, by that point, time for a change of pace. I cleaned off my Slink and took out another of my Squarepeg toys: The Pegger Thrasher. Size large. A little more coconut oil and I was down to business easing this in to my greedy butt. What I thought would be a prolonged session of width play was interrupted rudely by a call from work which I agreed to return in 5 minutes giving me time to clean up.

The second half to this story will follow shortly...

... After an hour of dealing with the work issue that had so rudely interrupted me, I decided it wise to take stock of the situation. It was fast approaching noon. The kids would need picking up or be getting off the bus starting at 2:30. If he was on his usual schedule, I'd see the UPS truck on the street at around 4:30. I was content but far from fulfilled from my morning of fun. Like I'd had the salad and pasta dishes but was dearly looking forward to the red meat, dessert, fruit, cheese plate and a glass of port. Time for the feast to resume.

I spent the next couple of hours alternating between plugging/unplugging myself and checking on the status of work via email and instant messaging before clearing up in time to make the first school run. 2 of the kids home by 3:20 and snacks duly served and homework started I took time to reflect upon the day so far before making the final school run.

Upon arriving home with the last of the kids at around 4:30, my wife called to say she needed to run home to change for her evening appointment. That threw a small wrench in the plan as I'd anticipated greeting the UPS guy at the door without having to explain the package to anyone. As luck would have it, he arrived 15 minutes before my wife, allowing me ample time to unbox the latest additions to my collection: a neoprene plug harness and shiny new silicone fist-shaped plug, resplendent in bright red, courtesy Oxballs.

No sooner had my wife swooped in, changed hastily and left, I was off to the privacy of the bathroom. The kids were busy either with homework or napping so I knew I had time to give my new kit a brief test drive before breaking for the evening activities. I first tried the new plug sans harness. Being smaller than my Thrasher, I seated it up my arse with ease, the lube remaining therein from earlier being ample for the time being. I pulled on my shorts and went back to the office to check, once more, my emails. Taking a seat in my chair I was delighted at how nicely the plug flange nestled in my crack before proceeding to rock back and forth a little to feel the plug move and massage me from the inside. Emails answered, I headed back to the bathroom to try out the plug and harness together. I removed the plug and thread the soft and supple neoprene harness strap through the holes in the base of the plug. First I positioned and adjusted the waistband snugly around myself, sitting it just under my belly (oh for the days of a six-pack, long since behind me because of six-packs) and right on the newly established hairline above my baby-smooth pubic mound. Then I moved on to the butt and plug strap, first pulling my tackle through the shiny 2 inch cock ring before working the plug back into my bum and taking the couple of inches of slack from the strap. You'd think by now I'd know precisely the distance between the back of my ballsack and my puckered hole! Then taking the strap up behind me, I looped it over the waistband and snapped it in place for a nice, snug fit. Narcissist that I am, I naturally had to stand and behold the sight in the mirror. Lovely!

Knowing that I had maybe 15 minutes I made the most of the time I had by setting to some household chores: laundry switched out (bending to pick up clothes and put them in the washer proved delightful. So much so that I might have dropped a couple of socks deliberately just to enjoy the sensation again. And again.); dishwasher unloaded and reloaded and the kitchen counters cleaned off when the doorbell rang. WTF?

Standing at the door was my sister in law who, unbeknownst to me had arranged with my wife for me to take her kid to soccer practice with my boy. For some strange reason I found paying attention to the predictable small talk rather difficult. Looking your SIL in the eye knowing you have a 2.5 inch diameter hunk of fist-shaped bright red silicone strapped in to your arse underneath your sports shorts is quite a challenge. Soccer arrangements made, SIL having left and kids situated for 15 minutes of TV before we had to leave, I excused myself to the bathroom once more to remove my new toy, thinking I wasn't quite ready to make a harnessed trip in public.

Was this day turning in to one of indulgence that would never quite peak?

After an hour at the soccer field i returned home with the boys and SIL promptly collected hers leaving me to tend to dinner for the kids. 20 minutes later, piping hot, fresh pizza was sitting on the counter top and my 3 young uns tucked in as though they'd never been fed.

With the evening starting now to get away from me, and my wife due home around 9:30 it was time for some quick and decisive action. Bedtime for the boy was upon us. No matter how self-indulgent I can be, short-changing the kids is not something I will do, so I took and loved every one of my usual 30 minutes reading Harry Potter to him before kissing him goodnight and almost sprinting back downstairs to grab my harness and plug again to commence on round 2. I managed to get everything resituated in double-quick time and then I remembered we were out of allergy meds. I had only 20 minutes before the pharmacy closed. I had no choice but to make my public harnessed and plugged debut. I can't describe how smug I felt walking through the pharmacy parking lot and chatting with the pharmacist. Arriving home shortly after 9:00pm I got a call from my beloved announcing she was on her way home.

Things have been bumpy between the 2 of us lately. There has been plenty going on, the details of which I'll not trouble you with, to push us a small distance from each other. I, particularly, have been having many more bad days than good recently, so I was determined to use the inner glow that my day of activity had created in me to create a positive vibe. My hope was that my wife's inner kink would be sparked if I shared with her that, at last, I'd had a lovely day and explained to her exactly why. She knows of my kinks but has flip-flopped on her acceptance and embrace of them. Having been in a slump, I was optimistic today would turn a corner.

Having recently started a new job, my wife was obviously excited at having herself had a lovely day. She proceeded to avail me of all the details barely pausing for breath, let alone to enquire about mine. I was truly and genuinely excited for her, but at the same time desperate to share with her my own story. I read the entire situation wrong. Instead of saving it for another day, I pressed ahead when the opportunity arose. My recount of my day was met with, what should have been predictable, irritation. That inner glow dissolved in a matter of minutes and I excused myself to the bathroom to unharness myself and shower without having even got to the part where I planned to model my silky smooth skin, cock and balls wrapped in their ring and my harness hiding its secret within me.

Regardless, it truly was a wonderful day. One that I plan to relive many times in the future, but will hopefully rewrite the final chapter.

So, there you have it. A rather rambling recount of a lovely day in the life of a middle aged bloke leading a middle class life in suburbia. Highs and lows. Euphoria and despair. I choose to focus on the highs. I can take all 21 inches of my Slink and all 3.5 inches of nobly diameter of my Thrasher. I can walk through a store keeping a secret that the vast majority of the nation wouldn't even consider let alone ponder or guess at. I have a wonderful wife and family and, on balance, nothing at all to complain about.

Today was a lovely day. Thanks for being there to let me share it and thanks for reading.