It had not been a good weekend. I had attended a conference for work, and I had apparently been allergic to something that the maids had cleaned my hotel room. I had come in, exhausted, on Friday night. . .too tired to try to get a different room. As a result, I woke up on Saturday morning with a soar throat. No time to stop and buy any medicine to take, I quickly dressed and headed out for my morning workshop.

It was Monday morning before I had a chance to actually get any kind of over-the- counter meds to try and fix my allergies. By then, it had already developed into a good case of bronchitis. I slept sitting up (propped up by pillows) all week because I coughed all night if I lay down.

I was in the process of applying for my master's degree, and I had already planned to visit my doctor on Thursday afternoon to get my immunization records filled out. I decided to call and see if they could work me in for an appointment. I had an awesome weekend coming up and being sick was NOT in the plans. My doc's office called me back and said they would be glad to work me in that afternoon, so I counted down the hours and minutes until I got off of work…oh to be able to breath and hear again!!!

I arrived in the office and signed in at the desk. After taking care of some insurance paperwork, I took a seat in the lobby. It was only a matter of minutes until the nurse came out and called me back into the office. She did the standard weight, blood pressure, and pulse. As she prepared to see if I was running a fever, she turned to me and said, "Open wide." I did, and showed her the cough drop that I had been sucking on.

"Uh oh," she said. "That's no good. I'll be right back. Go ahead and put on this gown while I am gone."

She was gone for about 3-4 minutes. While she was gone, I quickly removed my sweater and my khaki's and wrapped the tiny paper gown around my body. She soon returned with a small basin.

"Okay. I tried to find the ear thermometer, but Dr. Freeman said that since you reported that your ears are aching that she would prefer I not use that method," the nurse explained. "So…I need you to go ahead and stretch out on your stomach on the exam table for me."

I gulped. . .I had not had my temperature taken this way since I was a little child. What had I been thinking when I decided to pop that cough drop into my mouth!!!

There was nothing for me to do but comply. I timidly rolled over, trying to make sure that my gown stayed closed in the back. The nurse came over to the table and reached into the waste band of the cotton thong that I was wearing and pulled it down. "Raise your hips a little for me," she asked. As I did, she slipped the front down as well. She then place her hand on my butt and instructed me to lay back down. She picked up my legs slightly and removed my underwear the rest of the way. Needless to say, I felt VERY vulnerable all of a sudden. The nurse then had me spread my legs slightly. I could hear her placing a glove on her hand. I felt her separate my cheeks and work a well lubricated index finger into my rear passage. I jumped slightly and she told me to relax. Once she had lubricated me well enough, she removed her finger and replaced it with the small glass rod. She rested her hand lightly on my cheek as she held the rod in place.

Time passed and she made small talk with me. After a few minutes, she removed the rod and recorded the reading. She then returned to wipe the excess lubricant from my rear.

"Okay, you can sit up now. Dr. Freeman will be in soon. I'll leave your immunization forms right here for her." And the nurse walked out the door.

After about 5 minutes there was a knock at the door. In walked Dr. Freeman, a somewhat short 50-ish woman. We talked about my problems and about the paperwork I need filled out. She looked at the records that I brought with me, looked slightly puzzled, then handed them out the door to her nurse, asking that the nurse fill everything out correctly while she met with me.

She looked at my ears, my nose, and my throat and listened to my lungs and my heart. She decided that it was allergies, but it had begun working its way into an infection. She made some notes in my chart. She then looked at me and informed me that as part filling out a immunization form, she requires that her patients undergo a quick physical. She asked if I had time, and I said it was no problem.

"Go ahead and lower the top of your gown for me and I am going to do a quick breast exam," she said. I lowered my gown and removed my bra. She did a brief exam and asked me to lay back with my arms over my head. She performed a more complete exam, paying special attention to my nipples. She then worked her way down my bell to the edge of my pubic hair. Once she reached this point, she pulled my top back up to cover me and began pulling stirrups out of the end of the exam table.

I took my cue and placed my heals into the devices. She carefully secured my ankles so that they would not slip out, then she positioned the stirrups with my knees spread wide open. She quickly moved in and began her visual inspection…using a gloved finger to gently spread my outer lips and to check my clit.

"You are going to feel a slight stretch as I insert this speculum," she informed me. I felt the cold of the large metal speculum as she slid it into my vagina. My GYN always used plastic ones, so this was a first for me….it seemed to be much larger to me. I winced slightly as it slid all the way in. As she began opening it, I felt that I was being opened as wide as I had ever been opened. I felt the slight pinching inside as she took two swabs of my cervix. She then removed the speculum and replaced it with her gloved fingers.

Once she had felt around enough, she turned away from the table and removed her glove. She made documentation in my chart. My thought…"She's not gonna do that nasty recto-vaginal check" Boy was I wrong. As she turned back to the table, I saw that she was putting on a new pair of gloves and coating them with a fresh layer of KY. She returned to the exam table and unceremoniously stuck two fingers into my vagina and one into my rectum. She felt around for what seemed like an eternity before she removed her hand. With her clean hand she unstrapped my ankles and asked me to stand and bend over the table at my waste for her.

I did as I was told and waited nervously as I felt her approach me from behind. First I felt her lubricated finger probing at my insides…then I felt her add a second finger. She felt around for a while and then removed her hand. I started to stand up and she told me to stay put. I then felt something cold and metal at my rear passage. She shoved on it slightly until it slid into me…then I felt myself being stretched uncomfortably wide. She probed around with some type of swab (it tickled). Then she removed the device. Again I started to stand up, and again she told me to wait.

"Your temperature was slightly elevated. While you are already in this position, I want to give you something to help bring down that fever." she said. My first thought, "Oh no…she's gonna give me a shot like this." I lay their patiently as I heard her rummaging through drawers and opening packages.

"Okay, I want you to relax," she instructed. I did as she told me to, expecting full well to feel the prick of a needle on my tender backside. Was I surprised to feel something small, cold, and slightly slippery pushing against my butthole!!! I wiggled as she inserted 3 suppositories deep into my rectum, holding each one in place with her finger until it had partially melted.

"Okay, go ahead and sit up. You can get dressed and wait her. My nurse will be back in a minute with my prescription for you. Let's see if we can't get this thing knocked out of your system." she said.

I thanked her for her help and stood to dress myself. She closed the door behind her. I dressed myself and had a seat in a chair to wait.

About 4-5 minutes later there was a tap on the door. The nurse entered carrying another small basin and my paper work. She lay my immunization paperwork and a prescription on the counter and called me over to have a look.

"It says here that you had a measles shot when you were a baby….that you had a rubella shot when you were a year older….but that you never had a mumps shot as a baby. The only mumps shot you have had was your MMR you had in high school," she explained. "That could be a problem. Dr. Freeman and I discussed it and she decided that you need to get another MMR, just to be on the safe side. She also decided that, since the weekend is coming up, she wanted to get you well quickly. She has ordered a cylestone shot to help with the allergies and a bicillin shot to help with the infection."

My jaw dropped.

As I sat there speechless she said, "why don't you remove your pants for me again and lay on your stomach on the exam table."

I was stunned. I quickly removed my pants and lay on the table again. She again asked me to raise my hips, but instead of removing my thong, she placed a rounded pillow under my hips and told me to lay down on it. She decided my thong would not be in the way, so she left it in place.

I felt the cold swab on my left cheek first. She blew on it briefly to dry the alcohol. She then said, "big stick" as she thrust the needle deep into my hip. "Here comes the push" she exclaimed as she slowly pushed every drop of the cylestone into my tensing cheek muscle. She removed the needle and turned her attentions to my right cheek.

"I tell you what," she stated, "since you are already set up in this postion, how about I go ahead and give you all three of these this way?"

It was fine with me…that way I didn't have to watch…and I didn't have a nasty bruise on my arm that would show when I wore my sleeveless shirt that weekend.

I felt the alcohol on my right cheek….."Big stick"….."here comes the push" ….needle removed……MMR deliverd.

"hey," I thought, "That wasn't that bad at all."

As I began to relax slightly, I felt her again begin to swab my right ass cheek. This time, she came around into my line of vision, carrying the remaining syringe. It was huge, and it was filled to capacity with a very thick white substance. She warned me, "This one is going to hurt…and it is going to be slow going in because it is so thick. I need you to relax as best you can, breath slowly and deeply, and remain very still."

She walked back around behind me. I heard the delicate pop of the needle cover being removed. I felt the touch of her fingers pulling tight the area of skin that was about to be impaled. "Big stick!" I felt the searing pain as the needle drove deep into my already tender backside. I then felt it shift slightly as she repositioned her hands in a more comfortable position for pushing the plunger. "Here comes the push."…. I gritted my teeth and tried not to make a sound as the liquid fire called bicillon worked its way deep into my system…moment by agonizing moment! Finally, when I thought it was going to go on forever, I felt the rub of alcohol on the puncture wound.

"You did great!" the nurse said. "Dr. Freeman signed your paperwork. It is on the counter. I will leave you to compose yourself and to redress. Please have a seat in the lobby for about 10 minutes before you leave….don't want you having any nasty reactions to anything we gave you. If you aren't better by Monday, give us a call. OH, here is a bag with some more of those suppositories that the Dr. gave you. She said it might be easier for you since you are coughing so hard to not have to swallow a pill. Just give yourself 2 or 3 if you continue running a fever."

She turned and walked out of the door. I slowly got up, pulled my jeans over my tender rump, and went to stand in the lobby until I was dismissed to go home.