Diversity of Life

6. The Initial Medical Examination

Dr. Winkelmann stood in front of his desk and looked at the door. "Ah, there you are, please sit down on the table first." Amber looked at him briefly. He wore his coat open. He had the stethoscope clamped to his neck, the silver headboard dangling down. There's no turning back now, she thought and padded a little embarrassed across the cool floor to the lounger. She sat on it and watched as Dr. Winkelmann approached her with a wooden spatula. "Will you please open your mouth?" Amber obeyed, opened her mouth and saw how Dr. Winkelmann leaned forward and brought the wooden spatula to her mouth. She hadn't had a spatula in her mouth for a long time, but she could still remember exactly the dry feeling that followed. "Say 'ah' once, please." He shone a small examination light, which the doctor pulled from his coat pocket, into Amber's open mouth. Amber followed the instructions. The doctor pressed the tongue with the spatula and looked deep into Amber's throat. Then he took it out and threw it in a trash can on the couch. "Good!" he said. He slipped the examination lamp back into his pocket and began to feel Amber's neck with both hands. She felt his warm fingers. He seems to know exactly what he's doing, Amber thought, but didn't dare look him in the eye. Instead, she looked at the wall behind Dr. Winkelmann. She could feel his fingers squeezing and massaging. But it wasn't uncomfortable. Then, after a while, he looked up. "Perfect," he commented on the examination of the neck and straightened up again. He looked down briefly at Amber's hands, which she had folded in her lap and took her right wrist between his fingers. Amber felt his fingers begin to press on the outside of her wrist below her thumb. The doctor held Amber's hand for a while. This touch did not calm Amber in any way. She felt her heart start beating faster again and was a little annoyed about it. Amber hoped the doctor wouldn't bring up her excitement. She looked down at her hand. Dr. Winkelmann had clean, well-groomed hands. He had her wrist firmly between his fingers. Highly concentrated, he takes Amber's pulse and registers her pulsating blood pressure. "You have a little pulse! That's definitely the excitement.' Winkelmann let go of the wrist and went to the desk. Now he knows, Amber thought and felt completely at the mercy of the doctor. She couldn't leave and her clothes were too far away. It was getting a little chilly around her bare feet dangling off the lounger. She wasn't cold, but she felt herself tense up a little.

"So, Amber, I'm going to take your blood pressure now." Winkelmann took out a measuring device. It was one of those manual sphygmomanometers with several long tubes, a large analog meter and the pump bulb, all connected to a cuff. The device was all black with a silver display. Dr. Winkelmann took it in his hand, came back to Amber and put it on the couch. Then he took the cuff in both hands. "Would you give me your right arm, please?" Amber raised her arm slightly. Dr. Winkelmann began to hold his arm. Ambers helped a little and slipped her hand through the loop. Then Dr. Winkelmann fastened the cuff up to the upper arm with the velcro strap. Amber clearly felt that the doctor was touching her. Slowly she felt completely at his mercy. His touch didn't hurt, nor was it really uncomfortable. Dr. Winkelmann knows what he's doing, she thought, and let her arm, wrapped in the cool cuff, sink back into her lap. As she did so, she felt an edge of the cuff just below her armpit on her right breast. Dr. Winkelmann sat down on a doctor's stool, took the brackets of his stethoscope and put them in his ears. Then he took Amber's arm, pressed the cold membrane of his stethoscope into the crook of her arm and began pumping. Amber felt the cuff tighten as Dr. Winkelmann pumped air into it. It almost felt like she grabbed something by the arm and wouldn't let go. Almost naked and helpless, she felt as if Dr. Winkelmann took control of her feelings. She had a firm grip on the cuff. Her heart was pounding in her throat. She also felt one corner of the cuff touch her bra again. It's a bit strange how that feels, she thought, but she didn't find this intimate, exciting feeling uncomfortable. On the contrary. The cuff around Amber's arm tightened so that she could feel her blood pressure and heart pumping. Dr. Winkelmann heard everything exactly. Then the doctor let out his breath and looked at the display for a while longer. The cuff became noticeably looser.

“You have a slightly higher blood pressure. But that's certainly the excitement.” Winkelmann smiled briefly. Amber was kind of embarrassed. The doctor took the diaphragm out of the crook of his arm and took the stethoscope out of his ears again. Then he took the cuff in his hand, undid the Velcro and pulled it off Amber's arm again. He wrapped up the cuff and hoses, put the blood pressure monitor on his desk and came back to Amber. Then he sat back down on the stool, picked up the stethoscope again and put it in his ears. With the chest piece in his hand, he then said something that again triggered an electrifying tingling in Amber: "I'm going to listen now to you heart and lungs for a moment." Now it's happening, she thought. Her heart didn't calm down. She looked into the eyes of Dr. Winkelmann, who smiled briefly. Then she felt his left hand gently on her shoulder, shortly thereafter the cool membrane above her right breast. "Please take a deep breath." Amber obeyed without will and took a deep breath. Dr. Winkelmann pressed the cool piece of the stethoscope gently but firmly against her body. With each deep breath her chest rose, and with it the membrane. Then Dr. Winkelmann to the left. Again Amber took a deep breath through her mouth and exhaled. Dr. Winkelmann did not remove the membrane from the position. Amber took another deep breath. What is he hearing, Amber wondered curiously. Her heart was beating wildly under the chestpiece of the stethoscope. For a remarkably long time, Dr. Winkelmann held this position. Then he removed the membrane from her chest and released her shoulder as well. "Please turn slightly to the right," said Dr. Winkelmann suddenly. Amber obeyed again and wondered a little about how she followed the instructions without hesitation. She turned her upper body slightly to the right and felt the membrane of the stethoscope on her back. She forgot to breathe. "Please take another deep breath in and out." It seemed to go a little faster here. The doctor listened to her at various points on her back. Hopefully it'll be over soon, Amber thought, feeling vindicated for a moment when Dr. Winkelmann leaned back and looked at Amber. But why is he keeping the stethoscope in his ears, Amber wondered. She received confirmation immediately afterwards. "Would you please take off your bra? I want to listen to the heart.” There's no turning back now, Amber thought. Slowly, almost hesitantly, she grabbed the clip on her bra with her right hand and undid the clasp. With her left hand she grabbed her breasts to keep the bra from falling and carefully removed it. She felt uncomfortable at that moment and didn't quite know what to do with the bra. The doctor registered what was happening very well and let him give it to him. He put him on the couch. Now he's seen her, well, that's the way it is, Amber thought. She felt her cheeks grow warm. In general, she had the impression that her face was getting strangely warm.

"Please put your hands down," said Dr. Winkelmann, guided the diaphragm up Amber's upper body and pressed it slightly above her right breast, very close to the sternum. Here he lingered for a few seconds before placing the diaphragm on the same spot on the left breast. Here, too, the doctor kept the head of the stethoscope on the body for several seconds. The time seemed forever to Amber. The membrane was warmer now, but the chestpiece still felt cold. Dr. Winkelmann looked intently at the areas where he placed the chestpiece. Amber looked at him briefly, but then quickly and bashfully out the window. She could feel the membrane lying just over the spot where her pounding heart can be clearly felt. Just don't look him in the eye now, she thought to herself. She felt the hand of Dr. Winkelmanns on her upper right arm. While the doctor was listening to Amber's heart, her previously uncomfortable feeling suddenly no longer bothered her at all. It seemed quite as if it turned into a stimulating one. Once again, Dr. Winkelmann the moved the chestpiece and now pressed it slightly under the left breast. He glances at Amber, then back at the end of his stethoscope. Amber, still looking out the window, had noticed this out of the corner of her eye. The doctor briefly picked up the chestpiece. Amber looked at him shortly. He doesn't seem to be finished yet though, she thought, as he kept the ear plugs in his ear. He also continued to hold the chestpiece in his right hand. She felt the back of his hand in the crook of her left arm. Dr. Winkelmann pushed her left arm slightly away a little bit from her body and placed the part of the diaphragm again on the left side of her body below her left breast, almost near her armpits. While Amber held his arm slightly bent, she felt his hand touching the stethoscope directly under her breast. Dr. Winkelmann also listens to the heart at this point for a few seconds, then he takes the stethoscope from Amber's body. "Well. That sounds good. The heart valves are doing their best.” The doctor smiled at Amber. "Would you please lie down on the table? I would like to listen to your heart again while lying down. Winkelmann took the eartips out of his ears for a moment and clamped the metal tubes around his neck. Then he got up, walked over to the desk and made some notes.

With a slight swinging motion, Amber positioned her buttom and lay down completely. She only noticed later that she had shifted the white overlay slightly. Her head and upper body were a little elevated because the table was slightly angled at that point. That didn't make it uncomfortable, if lying on this lounger is comfortable at all, she thought. Still, she could so easily look down at her upper body and see how her nipples had erected a bit. Now that she was lying still, she could feel her heart pounding again. She was still very excited. In the meantime, Dr. Winkelmann returned to the table, put the eartips in his ears and placed the chestpiece almost in the middle of Amber's chest. She could see exactly how the doctor held the silver membrane between his index and middle fingers as he applied it. After a few seconds he moved it above Amber's left breast and pressed it lightly. Amber felt his warm fingers around the cooler diaphragm. Again he will notice that I'm pretty excited, Amber thought and looked bashfully at the ceiling. Dr. Winkelmann seemed to be listening intently to her pounding heart. Then he glanced at her. "You're a little excited," he said, smiling understandingly. "Please take a breath." Amber obeyed and took a deep breath. She saw her upper body rise slightly. "And stop, now please hold your breath!" Again he moved the stethoscope. This time he placed it under the left breast. "And exhale." Amber exhaled. She looked to the doctor, awaiting further instructions. Apparently none came now. She felt the doctor's hand under her breast, with which he pressed the membrane onto her body, rather than placing it again a little to the left.

Amber found the examination very intense. In fact, Dr. Winkelmann listened to her heart very carefully and long. For a long time she had the feeling that the doctor had taken full control of her body. Her heart was beating wildly with excitement and she couldn't hide the feeling. Through the exam she shared it with the doctor and something in her wanted it that way. Shirtless, wearing only panties, she lay on the table. But the feeling of shame that was clearly present earlier subsided a little and became excited. Amber's feelings went haywire. She suddenly remembered her childhood. At that time she never understood why she always had to go to the doctor and be examined. She used to go with her mother. It always annoyed her that the doctor and her mother seemed to be ganging up on Amber every time. Because without questioning, her mother always took her off down to her underpants immediately if the doctor wanted it that way. It was already uncomfortable for Amber at the time, but she hadn't said anything. Then she always had to lie down on the table. Mom always watched very closely when the doctor listened to the heart, Amber remembered. As before, she lay very still on the table. She remembered someone dressed in white like right now looking down at her intently with that thing in their ears and pressing the cool end of it to the spot over her heart. It was always her little pounding secret that always drew attention and that everyone was so intensely devoted to. As then, her body did not belong to her now, and there was nothing she could do about it. And there was always this eerie silence. Nobody said anything. Everyone was always so focused. As a child, Amber always thought the doctor was trying to figure out what her ticking heart was telling him. She also remembered how her mom always looked curious. Would she have wished she could take the stethoscope too?

Amber felt the pressure of the chestpiece on her body. She devoted herself to the doctor, who from now on could do anything he wanted. It brought back that eerie feeling from before, which was only replaced by the relief after the exam when Amber was allowed to get dressed again. Will it be like this again this time? And what does my heart tell him, thought Amber. The doctor's touches didn't hurt. But on the contrary. And with that came a little excitement. Oh no, she thought, anticipating what might follow. Luckily she had put a panty liner into her slip. Her face still seemed warm. It must be red, she thought. If he already knows my excitement, then he mustn't notice anything of my excitations as well, she thought and continued to endure the examination devotedly. Then the doctor removed the stethoscope from Amber's body. A final circular spot of the diaphragm was outlined on her skin. "Great!" he said and took the ear plugs out of his ears. Amber watched him lying down while he went to the desk. He clamped the eartubes around his neck again and let the chestpiece dangle. "In lying position, I don't hear anything unusual. The heart sounds show no abnormalities. Just some excitement!” He smiled briefly, then picked up a pen again and made some notes. “We will now do an echocardiography. That's one room down. We have to go there for a moment.” Amber straightened up and got off the table.

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Seany 8 months ago