Dad finally figured out that as long as I'm not I'm using intelligent words most people think I'm a retard anyway even if I am talking. That's still true to this day at 50 old.
So I'm not allowed to talk about anything intelligent around anybody else. Although I'm not allowed to talk again because it actually makes me look more like a retard if I do talk and I don't have to act.
And he keeps a notepad of check marks now. When i say something I get a check mark
Next Bathroom or when we get home I'm going to text squats or shots whatever new torture he has for me.
At the clubs at night he's been spending my bear ass with the school paddle with my overalls and diaper pulled down in my onesie pulled up. Have me count.
Most the time still fully clothed but not always.
We'd be out at the clubs and he would let people talk to me. They would ask questions.
Why do you do this matt?
I was truly both literally and figuratively retarded when I said I want dad cock.
Dad would shock my balls slightly just enough to make me been a little amazing grab towards them. I better not touch them.
He says no matt, tell them why retard. why you're retarded. Tell them how you're supposed to Now!
I would stand up and put my hands over my heart. Like a pledge my new of allegiance. Most time so proudly
I would say I am retarded because my submissive boy balls were hornily interested in being anxious about dad's cock.
Then Dad would ask them how many shocks do you think he needs to prove his serious?
Who was going to say what?
Are they mean or nice?
I never knew.
Maybe last week but can't you find other cock couldn't meet you do without all the cruel punishment?
I would smile and grin and wiggle my fingers so happily as I said I'd be scared of dad cock.
Just as soon as I did I was on the floor again curled up the ball.
Dad says you fucking better be boy.
I get back up to my feet I was still happy or just wasn't totally scared of the next shock we do it again till I was.
Usually didn't take too many times. I was shaking real quick.
He loved hearing me beg at the clubs.
No Dad come on dad come on no dad come on dad no Dad please Dad please Dad please tell Dad please Dad.
So where before it was a punishment and I wasn't allowed to talk when I didn't really want to anyways when I got here. Now I had to talk at times and I better talk right or get my ball shocked.
The only time I didn't get shocked is when my mouth was on his cock. I wasn't always allowed to do that unless I said the right thing. That reinforced automatic reflex when he said open please. Straight to my knees
It wasn't just an automatic refrex. It was my greatest want and need now. it was my only pain relief as well.
Only comforting safe time I had in my life is my mouth on his cock. Otherwise I was anxious as hell. Just because I'm anxious doesn't mean I shouldn't be scared. I damn well should have been. damn I was.
That's why I started sucking his cock made everything better for me. From the very first night when he said we'll get your clothes off and get over here and suck my cock. Him rubbing my head and emotionally consoling me and grooming me. Then when he can his cum made me feel sexy and wanted. It solved all my emotional problems and made everything better.That was an understatement now.
As dad promised me I would be while he was grooming me. Right here between his knees and sucking his cock into the only thing I ever need to worry about it again. I didn't know what that meant.
I didn't know how badly I wanted it.
How badly I wanted to be in this torturous hell exceptt for when my mouth was on his cock.
But my world was hell any other time anyway.
I have been scared of my boss I've had been scared of my doctor. I've been scared of my mom.
Now it was my only dad's rath because my mouth wasn't on his cock. Nothing else.
It was my only peaceful time. No other time that I trulyI wasn't scared to hell or in pain. Oh my doctor Truly now his in my mouth his cock was myl only emotional physical sexual need.
My own safe place. I never wanted to work anywhere else but that his cock again.
Thing that I Most wanted ever in my life.
My Most wanted salvation.
Dad's Magical words.
Matt, open please.
At this point I've been here about 6 months or 7. It's pretty well how it went for almost the next 3 years.
Rest these are not really in any kind of order it's getting caught a different shit