I had an interview for a new job today. It was a dream job and I was really excited about it. I had heard the company really took care of its employees. Before I could even contact them to see if I had gotten the job, they called me. I had gotten it! They asked me to come in to discuss specifics. I went right away. After discussion about salary, hours, etc, the HR manager said that the company was serious about the health of its employees and I would have to agree to daily exams and treatment as necessary. I was so excited about the job I would have agreed to anything!
My first day, I dressed with care and reported for work. At the front counter, I was directed to the medical section. I was shown to a locker room and given a hospital gown. I undressed and put my clothes in a locker and put the gown on. I was then directed to an exam room. There was a male attendant waiting for me. He directed me to lie on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. He started to fasten straps across my ankles when I objected. He said it was standard procedure and I’d have an exam every day I worked and this was part of it. He then fastened straps to hold my thighs wide open. He then asked about my general health. He said he’d first take my vitals. He got out a thermometer and started to put lube on it. He said that the company believed that rectal temperatures were the most accurate. He slid it in. He then took my blood pressure and put a pulse/blood oxygen monitor on my finger. He then pulled the thermometer out. He said all my vitals looked good. Next he asked about my bowel habits and if I had had a bowel movement today. I replied that I didn’t think I had but generally had them pretty regularly. He asked if I felt constipated, I didn’t. He then put gloves on and lubed up a finger. He said a pelvic/rectal exam was standard so although I was a little uncomfortable with it, he inserted his finger and proceeded with a through pelvic exam. He then added more lube and did a rectal exam. He then switched gloves and did a breast exam. He said last thing he was going to insert a suppository to induce a bowel movement. I tried to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, but he just asked if I wanted to keep the job, I needed to submit to the exam and treatments. So I lay back and let him insert a rather large suppository. He then slid a rather large plug in. I felt really stretched. He said the suppositories were fast acting and I’d start to feel it work in 5-10 min. I would need to lay with the plug in for 10 min. He asked if I wanted him to stay with me during that time. I replied that I was fine. He then left the room. I felt really uncomfortable laying there with my feet in stirrups, legs spread wide, and a plug in my rectum. Then the suppository started working and I REALLY felt uncomfortable with the cramping. Finely he came back and unstrapped me and removed the plug. He directed me to the next room where there was a commode. I asked if there wasn’t a bathroom close by, but he said this way he could see if I had an adequate bowel movement. He left and I proceeded to expel the suppository and had a small bowel movement. When I finished, I went back in the exam room. He said my exam was finished and he’d see me tomorrow.
The next day was the same, undress in the locker room and was directed to an exam room. The same guy was waiting for me. He had me lie on the table again and put my feet up in the stirrups. He did the same exam. He asked about my bowel movements and I said I hadn’t had much more yesterday and nothing yet today. He helped me up from the table and I was congratulating myself on not getting another suppository when he took me to another room and announced that I would be receiving an enema. I had never had one before. He explained that a tube would be inserted in my rectum and warm soapy water would flow in which would help clean out my lower colon. He showed me the bag; I’d be receiving 2 quarts of fluid. He also showed me the nozzle. He explained it was a retention nozzle that would be inflated once it was inside me to prevent any leaks. There was an X shaped table in the room and he had me lay face down on it with a bolster under my hips. He then spread my legs onto the bottom part of the X and my arms on the top part. He then started to strap me down. I objected but he insisted that since it was my first enema it was for the best. He then lubed the nozzle and slid it in. He then started inflating the inner and outer balloons until I felt stretched and full. Then he started the flow. He said it would take a few minutes for the water to flow in and then I would need to hold it so it was most effective. He would be back in 20 minutes and that if I started feeling cramps, I should pant and try to relax since I would have to take it all and hold it until he came back. At first I just felt warm, and then I started feeling full and bloated. Finally the flow stopped and I started feeling like I needed to go, but I was strapped down and couldn’t move. I was squirming quite a bit by the time he finally got back and released me. He directed me to the next room where there was a commode again. I didn’t fuss at all this time; I just wanted to expel the fluid inside me! He said that I would need to come back to medical to go to the bathroom so they could monitor the effectiveness of the enema.
I went on to work and didn’t think about going to medical every time I needed to go to the bathroom. The day passed and it was almost quitting time when I was called back to medical. I was told to undress and put a gown on and then directed to a room where my friendly attendant was waiting with a bulging bag! He said since I hadn’t come back, they had no proof that the enema was effective so I’d be receiving another! I tried to tell him that it had been VERY effective but since I hadn’t come to medical to have it verified, it didn’t count. This time I was told to lie on my left side with my knees drawn up. He strapped me down so I couldn’t move and then inserted the nozzle and inflated the balloons. I’d be receiving another 2 quarts of warm soapy water but this time I’d be holding it longer, he’d be back in 30 minutes! I was more than ready for him when he came back and went in the other room to expel. When I came out, he handed me a diaper. Said it was precautionary for the drive home in case of leaks. I objected, but he said if I didn’t want to wear the diaper, I’d have to remain in medical for another hour so I put it on and then got dressed and headed home.
The rest of the week proceeded much the same, I had regular bowel movements so didn’t receive any more suppositories or enemas, but I still got my vitals taken daily as well as pelvic, rectal and breast exams. I was a little unsure about all the trips to medical, but I really loved the job otherwise so decided I could put up with them. The second week, he said I was running a slight fever, asked how I was feeling. I told him I had a slight sore throat but it was fine. He went over to the phone and called for a doctor and also to report that I wouldn’t be at work today. I tried to tell him I was fine to work but as always, he reminded me that if I wanted to keep the job, I’d have to follow their medical procedures. While waiting on the doctor, he finished the usual pelvic/rectal/breast exam and then took blood. Next he said he’d be inserting a catheter to collect a clean urine sample. Next he said he’d be swabbing my rectum for a stool sample for lab testing. I could feel him moving the long swab around. Finally the doctor got there and examined my throat. He also felt my lymph nodes on my neck, underarms and groin. He palpated my abdomen and asked if there was any pain. I said I was fine, just a little sore throat. He said my throat was very red and they’d need to keep me overnight. Was there anyone I needed to call? I said no, but that I really didn’t feel this was necessary. My attendant gave me “the look” and I shut up! The doctor then lubed his finger and did a rectal exam. Another one! They conferred in quiet tones and the doctor left the room. The attendant got out the enema bag and said I’d be receiving a cool water enema to lower my temperature. He said this would cramp more than warm water. He was right about that and I felt a little chilled when it was finished but that might be from lying on this table with my gown around my waist and my entire lower body exposed! When I came back from expelling it, he said I’d be getting a fever reducer and an anti-inflammatory to reduce the swelling in my throat; I’d also be getting a multivitamin. He had me get back in the stirrups and I was guessing these medicines were not in pill format! I was right. He inserted 3 huge suppositories and put the plug in to hold them in. He brought in a wheelchair and took me to a room with a bed. After I was lying in bed, he fastened cuffs around my lower legs, said they would inflate and deflate to keep the blood flowing in my lower legs. Next he stuck a full set of monitors on my chest and hooked them up. He also put a blood pressure cuff on and a blood oxygen monitor on my finger. All this for a little fever and sore throat! With nothing else to do, I took a nap and when I woke up, I was feeling even worse. My temperature went up and I was getting congested. They tested me for flu and I came back positive. As noon came around, the attendant came back in with an IV stand with a bulging bag hanging from it. I was worried it was another enema but he said he was going to insert a feeding tube in my nose so I wouldn’t have to swallow with my sore throat. He hooked it up to a slow pump and said it would take a few hours for my “lunch”. Before he inserted it in my nose, he had my lay on my side. Said he was giving me a light sedative suppository that would help me sleep. I woke up when he started taking the tube out. He then had me roll to my side to get my temperature and inserted a couple more suppositories. I had never had suppositories before and now I’d had nearly a dozen! My rectum was getting a little sore from all the things going in! I was getting my temperature taken and at least 2 suppositories every 2 hours. The day passed with me dozing and watching TV. With the catheter in, I didn’t have to get up to go to the bathroom and the enema that morning had taken care of my bowels for a while. Toward evening I was getting restless and decided to get out of bed for a bit. I had to take the cuffs off my legs and was just starting to unhook the monitors on my chest when the attendant came in and said I was not allowed out of bed. He called for another attendant and they made me get back in bed. Then they put padded cuffs on my wrists and padded straps across my shoulders and hips. I didn’t like being restrained but they were stronger than me and obviously had practice getting them put on. I stayed restrained until bedtime when he came back and gave me another sedative suppository. He also gave me a sponge bath, paying particular attention to my genitals. I slept well during the night, vaguely aware that they continued giving me suppositories and taking my temperature throughout the night. I woke feeling better and was told my fever had gone down. My attendant told me I’d be receiving a series of enemas to clean the toxins out of my system. I had given up arguing with them. I just went along with it. I was taken to an exam room and my feet strapped into the stirrups like usual. He started the enema and then the doctor came in and gave me a through physical. The enema finished before the physical did but they said I’d have to hold the fluid until the physical was finished. I was squirming a bit by the time they finally finished and let me go expel. I was then escorted to my room and allowed to take a shower. I asked if they could take out the catheter but he refused, so I drug the bag around with me. After they brought me breakfast, he came to escort me to the exam room for another enema. This time I lay my chest over the exam table with my rear in the air. Another hour went past and he came to get me for my third and final enema. This time I was strapped into an inversion table and flipped upside down. There wasn’t as much cramping until they flipped me back over then I REALLY had to go! I was taken back to my room and the monitors hooked back up. At noon, they brought lunch in. They said my temperature was normal, they asked if I wanted to go home or remain until morning. I said I’d go home. The attendant removed the catheter and brought me a diaper, said it was standard procedure for discharge. I put it on and got dressed and was taken back to my car. If my temp was normal the next day, I could go back to work. Luckily it was and I just got the usual exam.
This was defiantly the most unusual job I had ever had. As time went on, I got used to being examined every work day and I’d never felt healthier.