Thank you to all readers who have followed the saga of Dr. Jen and Jesse, and for your comments and personal messages. Since this series is about to end, the following is the proper order of the stories, as they are not in order as written in the library.

"Jesse", "Jesse Again", "For Jesse", "Jesse and Me", "My Jesse", "My Jesse, Part 2", "Jesse and Jen", "Jesse, Jen and Love", "Refocus" and "Refocus, Part 2".

Thank you for reading.

After my physical exam at the clinic with Jesse there, our lives changed completely. Everyday, we compared calendars and schedules to see when we could hook up, or at least who would pick up the take out we would share in bed later in the evening. We did it in my office and one of my exam rooms, her office, the ladies lounge at the airport, in my exam room again. She even took me in a somewhat deserted level of a parking ramp after we saw a PG18 movie. Horny took on a whole new meaning. One evening I came home in a rush to see her with my Chipolte bag in my hand, but the house was dark and quiet. I called her name as I came in the back door, knowing she was home because of her car being in the drive, but she did not answer. Immediately I was frightened. I ran up to our bedroom. Jess was laying on her side turned away from me, covered up to her neck. She appeared to be asleep. I carefully sat on the bed beside her and stroked her head. Jess, Jesse. Hi, honey, she said. I'm really sick. What is it, I asked, truly alarmed. I don't know. It just showed up today, she said. What? By now I was near panic touching her head to see if she had a fever. At that point, Jesse threw the covers off to reveal her completely naked body and a big black dildo on a black strap on belt, which stuck straight up and began to vibrate as she rolled over toward me!! I was so shocked and began to laugh so hard, I went backward off the side of the bed! I had almost all of my clothes off before I regained my composure, or most of it, and as I slid into bed next to her, the only thing I could think was, God, I am so in love with this woman!! "Dick" as it was affectionately known, was just the first in a long line of entertaining sexual aids that Jess and I added to our "toy box". But the very best times were those when the toys stayed in the secret place and we just made love to each other, our lives more and more connected.

Then one Saturday afternoon after our lazy morning enjoying each other's bodies, we each chose to work on separate projects which we needed to finish. I had fallen very soundly back to sleep after Jesse spooned me. So soundly I didn't realize she had carefully snuck out of bed behind me. I finally went downstairs to find Jesse building a cedar flower box in the garage. Oh, doing some more planting baby? Yep, she said. I'm almost finished with the above ground gardens. A series of beautiful cedar boxes she had designed and built for our backyard. You're amazing my love, I told her. So handy, and the best lover in the universe! That's me, she acknowledged. How are you, Jen? I'm fine. You looked so tired and pale when I got up this morning. Are you sure you're okay? Yes, babe. I'm good. I blew her a kiss and said, gotta get busy myself.

I went back into the sun room with a glass of juice and my laptop to finish doing research on a paper I was about to start writing. I sat down at my desk and began working, but shortly I started to feel sick. I put my head in my hands and decided pretty quickly to lay down on the sofa. But before I got there, the pain hit. Excruciating pain in my jaw and neck. I moaned out loud as I laid down. I tried to take deep breaths but the pain, which had moved into my ribs and the middle of my back, made it almost impossible. I had to struggle to stay awake and fight through extreme nausea. Got to get to Jess, I whispered to myself. I heard a sound from the garage and I forced myself to stand. Painfully I drug myself along the wall and towards the door. I could only open it a few inches as I choked out her name. Jesse. She looked up . . .

Jess paced the waiting area outside of the ER. Kelly came running in from the doctor parking ramp and slid to a stop as she spotted her. What happened? Jess quickly recounted the events that brought us there via ambulance. Kelly, please, tears overflowing her eyes. I'll be back. Stay right here, Kelly said, as she took off on a run again. Jesse moved to an empty chair and sat down. Now putting her face in her hands and letting her tears fall. What had happened? Why? Her mind quickly recalling how tired I had been. The pale look so often on my face. A near collapse. Why hadn't she done something more? Said something at my exam or called Kelly. Not facing the truth that had she not been there that morning and so quick to act, I would already be gone.

Jesse. Jesse. She jumped. What Kelly? How is she? She's going into the cath lab right now. What does that mean, Jesse asked. They are going into her heart with a catheter right now to see what is happening. Whether it's a blockage or whether they'll need to do surgery. Oh God, Jesse cried. No, this could be good, Kelly said. How? If it's a blockage they can clear in the cath lab, that will be way better than bypass surgery. I'm going back in. I can scrub in, Kelly said. Sit down. Pray, Jesse. And Kelly was gone.

"Oh, God. It's Jesse. I know I'm bad at this, and you certainly don't owe me since I only talk to you when I'm really, really scared. And today, God, I have never been more scared in my life. What can I do? How can I live? Please, please help us. She is life to me. She is love to me. She is everything. You know what's in my heart. I want to go instead. (Jesse is weeping.) Please, please God." She sits back and closes her eyes.

Jesse. A very quiet voice is talking to her now. Jesse. Kelly? My long time friend Kelly, is kneeling in front of Jesse, the love of my life. Still dressed in surgical scrubs. She wraps her arms around her. I'm so sorry, Jess. I know, Jesse nods and says. I felt her leave us. My heart felt . . . well, it almost felt like it was melting. Melting away with her.

A few days later, Kelly would mention to Jesse, that she had recommended I have a stress test to check my heart, and I had confided I had experienced some pain in my jaw and back, and promised to make the appointment soon. Then I revealed, Kelly, I have never been so happy in my life. Jesse is everything to me. When we make love, I already feel like I've gone to heaven. Like I'd rather leave then. While I'm so in love. Indeed, replied Kelly.

"I'd rather leave while I'm in love. While I still believe in the meaning of the word. I'll take my dreams and just pretend that you and I are never going to end.

To many times I've seen the rose die on the vine. To many hearts gets broken, usually it's mine. I don't want to take the chance of being hurt again. You and I can't say good-bye.

So if you wake and find me gone, angel, carry on. You see, I need my fantasy. I still believe it's best to leave while I'm in love."

( Dedicated to another very special Zity.biz member. )