It was mid-December, and we, Roger and I, had attended the Holly Ball the evening before. He picked me up at the exact right time, in his perfect tux except for a holly red tie he added for the season, and, as always, was the perfect gentleman and date for the event. It was a fund raiser for a new surgical wing at the hospital, and the guest speaker was a former professor and mentor of mine. Affable as always, it was nice to see him, but as he spoke I flashed back to classrooms and exam rooms where I had spent many hours in stirrups as his "patient" for the other residents. He had made it clear very early in our relationship that he expected my full cooperation, in the classroom, and out. But since I spurned his attention, he "punished" me frequently in this way. I had lost count as to how many other students had inserted and removed speculums from my vagina and stared in at my young, pink cervix. Or how many others had slipped two fingers into me as they pressed on my abdomen with their other hand. He always smirked as he watched the progression between my open legs, and more than once I caught him masturbating in his office afterwards. Thinking he was really torturing me, he was unaware that I carried a small bullet vibrator to pleasure myself after these classes. Sometimes more than once.

This morning, as I glanced at the first chart for my first patient, I stopped short in the hallway. Jesse. I had first met and examined her in September, and now, just over two months later, she was back. Part of me felt a surge of excitement, but another, the more professional part, felt concern and compassion. Hi, Jesse. It's good to see you again, but I am distressed you're back already. What's happening? She related the extent of the pain and discomfort she was still experiencing, and I could see on her face how it was carrying over into other parts of her life. As much as I didn't want to add to her stress, I now felt I should do further exams and tests to see if I could find, and help relieve, the cause of her pain. We spoke a bit more, and I instructed her to lay on the table once again. I unzipped her jeans part way and did another abdominal exam and noticed how uncomfortable my palpatations made her, much as before. Slipping my stethoscope into my ears, I reached under her shirt by her breasts and listened intently for a couple of minutes. I then asked her if it would be okay if I just lowered her jeans so I could do another quick pelvic. She hesitated but then said, sure. I took hold of the top of both her jeans and pants and as she lifted her hips I slid them down close to her ankles. She bent her knees and layed her legs out to the sides. Somewhat awkward, but it would give me access to what and where I wanted to examine. I quickly washed my hands and slipped on gloves, lubed my fingers and stepped to her right side. I'm sorry, Jesse, if this hurts again. I just want to feel inside to see if there is anything we missed or if there is anything else I need to know before we go on from here. She understood she said, and I gently parted her lips and slid my fingers in her vagina. Again, I felt the firm pelvic floor and sides of her. I thoroughly palpated the cervix and the surrounding area, finally pushing up on her uterus. This time she jumped slightly as I touched her there. Well, that is new, I said. Without saying anything, she nodded. Now I need to check out your ovaries. Can you take it? Again she nodded. Trying to save her anymore discomfort, I quickly found the left and right organs with my fingers. I pulled back with my exam fingers and once again tried to feel her uterus between them and my hand on her abdomen. Again there was a slight grimace. Now I knew what I wanted to do next. I handed her a towel as I simultaneously stripped off my gloves and tossed them away. I turned my back to her to give her some privacy, and washed my hands once more. As I dried them, Jesse slid off the table and zipped her jeans. Well we need to talk a little more, I said. I want to do a transvaginal ultrasound and a uterine biopsy on you, Jesse. I feel like there is something going on in your uterus, but before we go further, I think I should do these two exams here in the office. Based on the discomfort she had just experienced from just my fingers, she seemed somewhat unenthused. But I assured her we would work together to make everything as pain free as possible for her. And ultimately, we would figure out the best direction to go so she could feel better each month during her cycle.

I quickly sent a message to my scheduling desk to get Jesse's tests on the calendar as soon as I had an opening of about an hour. After I saw another patient or two, they notified me that she would be back on the 27th of the month. I was anxious to see her, but even more so to see if I could find a way to help her. I made sure they provided her with all of the appropriate instructions before she left, as they always did. I was genuinely attracted to this woman, but my concern for her pain outweighed any other feelings I had for her. I also notified the front desk to be sure and reserve a medical suite for me for that day and time. An exam room where Jesse could lay on an exam table in an area with the ultrasound and appropriate lighting; and afterwards, I could perform the endometrial exam and biopsy from the same room. I also requested they have all necessary equipment there and ready, as well as items I could use to do a pap. Additionally, I wanted to be able to inject a mild anathestic into her uterus if necessary. Now, if we could both just get through the holidays.