TheyCallMeJ


Views: 413 Created: 2012.08.28 Updated: 2012.08.28

Clear History?

Chapter 9

What the hell was I doing? I'd just passionately kissed my best friend! He didn't seem to mind, though. None of it made any sense! We were like magnets, coming back together after something so strong pulled us apart, and now I felt inseparable to Luke. Yeah, yeah, most guys would be like, "That chick's a psycho!" if they found out I felt that way, but I simply can't explain it, even to this day.

When we finally parted lips, all we could do was smile for the longest time. I meant what I said, too, despite feeling apprehensive. I mean, what it I Luke told me everything and I still didn't get it? Or what if he wanted me to feed him"¦or change him? Let's say I didn't feel comfortable participating. Would that create another problem? The thoughts made their way into my brain, but I did my best to keep them from ruining the moment. I told him I'd understand, after all!

"T-thank you, Molly. I promise I'll tell you whatever you want to know." Luke said quietly. "Although, I have to admit...I'm extremely shy, so you'll have to bear with me."

"You? Shy? I find that hard to believe, Luke." I smirked then took his hand in mine. "It's alright. I hope it's okay if I have a million questions to ask you."

"W-what? Yeah, that's okay." Luke looked flustered already. "I'm just not used to really talking to anyone about it."

"Luke, you're turning red! Are you shy already?" I giggled softly, trying to ease him.

"Sorry, I can't help it." He chuckled nervously and scratched his head.

I kissed his blushing cheek and told him it was okay. That seemed to work a bit, but I could almost feel him tense up as we sat on the couch. It was odd, because he almost winced each time he even mentioned the idea of telling me. Was it that tough for him? I guess, given what happened between him and Emily, it made sense. I didn't tell him right then and there, but his blushing was a bit cute. I wasn't sure if it would upset him, so I didn't mention it just yet.

"What time are your parents getting home?" I asked as I looked at the grandfather clock in the corner of Luke's living room.

"They told me between 11:30 and midnight, so about 10 hours." He replied.

"Good."

I got comfortable on the couch, then put my arm around Luke and cuddled up with him. No television, no radio, no cell phones ringing. It was just the two of us. Luke let out another happy sigh, then put his arm around my waist, as his other hand gently held mine. Occasionally, we'd look at each other, and as soon as our eyes met, we'd smile. Why hadn't I noticed how nice of a smile Luke had before? Whatever it was, it felt right. The more we sat with each other, the more eager I became to ask the questions I had about Luke's secret.

There were a few more moments of us silence and smiles between us before I decided to pry a bit. I had no intention of making this uncomfortable for Luke, but something told me that based on how intense his blushing session was just by talking about asking questions, this would take some time.

"So, Luke. Did you have anything planned today while your parents are gone?"

Luke shrugged and responded with a, "I don't think so, other than watching a movie or something. I haven't done too much while I've been recovering. Why do you ask?"

"Well," I paused for a moment, "is it too soon to ask some questions about"¦you know?" I did my best to give a smile and my puppy dog eyes to convince him.

Something in Luke's eyes told me he was both nervous and eager to spill the beans. I had some ideas of what to expect, but sometimes the unexpected isn't necessarily a bad thing.

* * *

I've never been one to just jump into anything, but this was different. Who would've thought that Molly already wanted to find out some things about my secret? Still, after some thought, it had been a few months since she'd found out, so I was sure she had plenty of time to come up with questions. What I didn't know was how many questions she'd have!

"U-um, too soon? No, no, not at all." I stuttered.

If you've never had to expose the most vulnerable parts of your life to someone before, then you wouldn't understand just how I felt. Yes, I wanted to tell Molly everything, but having never spent more than a few moments of discussing it with anyone before, it was rather hard to keep my composure the first few times I talked about it with her.

"You're sure? You look flustered." Molly said, concerned.

"I'm just not used to talking about it. I have to start sometime, right?" I chuckled nervously.

"Okay. If it gets too uncomfortable, just tell me."

I nodded, and Molly put her arms around me once more, telling me that if we were more comfortable, it might make it easier for me to talk about things. A comfy couch, Molly's soft hands caressing my arms, and the smell of her perfume was the perfect combination to relax me. We smiled as we cuddled with each other some more, and shortly after, the questions started.

"Comfy?" Molly asked with a smile.

"Very."

"Good. Then I can start." She giggled softly, then spoke quietly. "When did you first get into wanting to be"¦little?"

I felt my cheeks turn red, but did my best to answer.

"I sort of had a feeling when I was very little, but didn't really get more into it until I was in middle school. My mom ran her daycare for a while, so there were always babyish things around the house. I remember a day when both my parents were gone for the day, and they had let me stay home alone for the first time. For whatever reason, I just"¦saw the diapers and baby wipes and other stuff, and wanted to try them. So I took a couple, tried them on, and"¦..it kind of evolved from there."

I looked over at Molly, who smiled and nodded some more. My words felt muddied when I spoke, but she told me it was okay, so I continued.

"I thought it was just a phase, but there were times when I found myself wanting to be babied. It's not an all the time thing, but it came and went, and it comes and goes."

"I see, I see. Is it triggered by anything, or do you just wake up and decide that you want to put a diaper on?"

As soon as Molly said "diaper," I blushed again. I hated when people of the opposite sex would say that word to me, because somehow, I always felt like it was directed towards me, even when it wasn't.

"It's"¦a bit of both? Usually something triggers it, like stress, or situations where I'm around someone who's constantly using baby talk or taking care of a baby."

Molly let out a small gasp, then said, "That's why you used to zone out when I'd make you come over when I'd babysit my cousin, isn't it?"

At first, I simply nodded shyly and blushed, because Molly was right. There were a countless number of times when she'd coerce or bribe me into coming over to "help her babysit," when really I was there to keep her company. Still, once she'd get into the cooing, and the "diapey whiapey" talk, and all the other babyish stuff, I'd get up to grab a drink or would walk into the other room. It took everything in my power not to faint from embarrassment as I told her this, and she hugged me tight when I finished.

"Awww, Luke! I'm sorry! I had no idea!"

"Heh, well, it's not your fault. How would you have known?"

"That has to be so hard to deal with!"

"I've gotten better at it, but I have my days."

Molly took my hand in hers and squeezed it lightly, followed by a quick kiss to my cheek, whispering, "You're doing great, Luke! See? It's not too bad, is it?"

"N-no, I guess not!" I laughed.

"Good! Because I'm not done yet!"

"Oh boy"¦" I sighed with a laugh.

As more questions were asked, my answers were easier to explain. It's funny how quickly people can open up to each other if they feel comfortable around someone else if they're willing to listen without passing judgment! Molly didn't show any signs of disgust or disapproval of what I told her, which meant she either understood or had a great poker face. She barely flinched when she asked me what I used the diapers for or how often I wore. Something in her must have changed!

Her eyes told me she wasn't afraid of me or of what I told her, but I still had to hear it from her lips before I could be sure.

"Well, you haven't stormed out of here yet, so I'm guessing you're still okay with what I'm telling you." I said, trying to make a joke out of what I needed answered.

"It's a lot to take in from you, but I'm okay." Molly smiled.

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise. As terrible as I feel for looking through your files, a lot of this is stuff I've read about before. " she confessed. "I don't know what's changed with me, but I'm finding it pretty interesting. It's like this whole side of you I never knew before!"

"We've all got sides most people don't know about. Thank you for trying to understand mine."

"We sure do"¦and you're welcome." Molly leaned in for a kiss, and it was one that reassured me that everything was okay.

I left her initial reply alone, but it stuck with me. Was she also hiding something? The way she said it told me she was, but the nonchalant tone of her voice made it seem like she either didn't want to discuss it or it was sensitive to her. Being one with a secret myself, I chose not to pry just yet, as I didn't want to push her away. Still, I stored it for later and decided to try figuring it out in the meantime.

"That was fun." I said, referring to the Q & A session we'd just had.

"What do you mean, "˜was?' I still have one more I want to ask you, but I completely understand if you don't want to answer it or if you say no." Molly said as we both sat up, looking into each others' eyes.

"Please," I laughed, "I just told you a ton of stuff about me and this lifestyle. I think I can handle one more question."

"Alright then, tough guy," she went back to her warm, playful smile, "here goes. Can I see what one of your diapers looks like?"

"Oh! Y-you mean like, on me?" I froze with fear and felt my guard go up once again.

Surely she didn't want me to wear one in front of her already! After all, we'd only been talking about this in depth for a few hours!

"What? N-noo, Luke. Relax." Molly reassured me. "That's not what I meant. I just"¦want to see one. Not on you. Just kind of"¦hold one? I guess."

"O-oh! Y-yeah, that I can do! I'm sorry. Wait right here. Let me go get one!"

What a rush! A woman actually showed some interest in my preference! I quickly got up, then turned around before heading to my room.

"Wait a minute. You're not"¦into it, are you?" I asked with a trace of hope in my voice.

"Not at all," Molly chuckled, "I just want to see one and try to understand more."

"Oh, okay. Well, wait here."

I practically stumbled to my room, then headed into the closet to dig out a fresh, thick diaper from my secret stash, which was hidden beneath layers and layers of blankets and boxes. With a trembling hand, I held the diaper close to me and headed back into the living room, where Molly sat, still smiling. When I got close enough to her, she noticed my shaking and quickly pulled me back onto the couch.

"Luke, I'm not gonna laugh. I promise. It's okay." she whispered.

"I know. It's just-" I was cut off by Molly softly placing a finger over my mouth, shushing my calmly, then leaning in for another kiss on the lips.

"It's alright," she said once more as she reached over and softly held onto the diaper that was in my hand before leaning against me and opening the diaper slowly.

Everything felt so slow and surreal to me, but the longer Molly kept the diaper in her hand and opened it more, the calmer I became. It was too late to turn back, and here my beautiful best friend sat with me, holding onto a piece of something near and dear to me.

"This is very soft," Molly observed as she softly caressed and crinkled the inside and outside of the garment, "and thick. And cute."

I couldn't help but let out a small giggle, nodding as she spoke.

"Y-yeah. One of the reasons why I like them so much."

"And the other reasons?" Molly said as she set the diaper aside, taking my hands again and giving me the "don't be afraid" look.

"Well, they feel great. I mean, yeah, they make it almost impossible to move around, but there's something about how they touch my skin and how they sound and how they make me feel so little and helpless that they just make me happy." I ranted. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sure that sounds really dumb."

"Not at all, Luke. You should see yourself. You look really happy just talking about it!" Molly smiled.

"What can I say?" I let out another giggle as kissed Molly's forehead. "Something so simple. I shouldn't even be afraid of it."

"Don't be." she said with a kiss. "You're cute when you're happy."