My Dream Exam
My ideal exam would be that I come to the doc’s "office" for either an annual physical or for a frequent urination issue. The doctor is dressed in good clothes/white jacket or scrubs. He leads me to the exam room and puts me on the table. He asks questions about my medical and sexual histories.
“First, because you’re getting a little older, I will do a more thorough examination of your rectum and prostate today. This will involve an enema first.” He inserts a glycerin suppository, then inserts an enema with a lubricated nozzle. Doc walks the patient to the restroom. “Sit up nice and straight and let gravity do the work. No pushing. And take your time, as it will take a bit of time to empty it all out.”
Then the exam starts. “Please undress for me, everything off but your underpants and then have a seat up on the exam table.
He starts by asking me to look down as he inspects my hair and scalp. He checks for skin issues as he runs his fingers through my hair. he moves his hands down to my jaw and palpate the glands in my neck. He moves behind the patient and palpated my neck from behind, asking me to swallow. Using an otoscope, he looks into the patient’s ears and ask me to open my eyes and put out my tongue to inspect my tongue and throat.
The doctor uses a stethoscope to listen to my lungs by having me give me a couple of deep breaths. Then from in front, he places the stethoscope just below the patient’s left nipple and asked me to breathe normally. He palpates my chest and pecs, feeling around my nipples to ensure that there are no lumps or swelling. Donning a glove, he asks me to place my hands behind my head to palpate the glands in armpits. Then I am asked to lie on my back to have the doctor listen to heart in this position and then switched to the bell side of the stethoscope and listened to abdomen, assessing his bowel sounds. Doc places fingers onto stomach and press firmly in the four quadrants of the abdomen.
Doc moves to legs, checking his thighs, knees, and calves and then moving to feet. He checks feet and toes, spreading the toes apart, checking for a sign of fungus.
While on my back, doc tries some neural testing. Retrieving various items, the doc asks me to close eyes and identify what I feel and where I feel it. Rolling them on various areas of body (thigh, abdomen, chest, arm)
“Please stand up and touch your toes.” Examine my back and running fingers along spine to check the alignment, then pulled my shorts down a bit to feel down to the point of tailbone.
“Stand up straight now and face me. Lower your shorts to your knees please”. He feels the groin area, checking glands for any swelling. then moved to testicles, checking for lumps and feeling the spermatic cords. then inspects penis from base to tip, pinching open the meatus to check for any inflammation or discharge. push a finger up into the inguinal canal and asked to cough for doc and repeated it on the other side. “Please remove your underpants completely and lay down on your back again.”
“I want to test you for an STD test today.” Tearing open the package, take out the first sterile swab and insert it into the tip of the penis to get a specimen.
Now he needs to perform a rectal and prostate exam. Please turn onto side, facing away from doc and bring your knees up toward tummy.” Doc gest gloves and lubricated index finger. Doc does a quick sweep of the walls of rectum and then locates prostate. He slips finger out, applied a bit more lube, and slides two fingers in. He massages the prostate some to see how the patient reacts. Removing fingers, doc asks me to turn onto back now.
Doc has me get up on the exam table on his knees and elbows. Doc uses a six-inch metal scope to take a look inside. He lubricates the scope and instructs patient to take some deep breaths and relax. Slowly slid the scope in, inching it in until it was far enough, removes the obturator and shone the penlight inside. Doc then tests my rectal sphincter by placing various stretching tools in and out of my rectum.
Doc gives me two specimen cups and an alcohol pad, telling me to give a urine sample. “Clean the tip of your penis with the alcohol and then urinate into the cup for me. You can then come back to the exam room and join me.” Then the 2nd one is used to extract a semen sample to assess sexual health and to test the sample in our lab. Doc has me on my back, feet on the table with knees spread open. He inserts right index finger begins a slow massage of prostate gland. With other hand, he manually stimulates penis, which provides the sample of semen into the specimen cup. (Doc may want to demonstrate additional ways to collect semen on the patient or on himself, collecting a specimen in another cup.)
It is then clean-up time. Patient then goes to a shower and cleans off. (Doc many join the patient). Patient gets dried off and dressed, schedules his next exam, and leaves.