An Obituary - The death of Common Sense

I found this on another website, and it thought that it screamed to be shared. Doesn't this ring a bell?

Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the

passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

His obituary reads as follows:

Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the

brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records

were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape.

Known

affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly

devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices,

helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.

Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S.

A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know

when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm

and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound financial

policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the

adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and

bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the

Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural

and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body piercing, whole

language and new math.

C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with

the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning strength

proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and

regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will

to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better

treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy

Scouts to professional baseball and golf.

His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies.

Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing

classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch,

girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a

table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.

As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept

informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory

air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14

million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the

environment, C.S. breathed his last.

Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by

his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is

survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.

Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought.

Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.

©1998 Lori

Borgman

www.loriborgman.com