Why women travel in pairs
I saw this today on another forum. I've read it before and you probably have too, but it bears repeating. Men, listen up!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall..
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more..
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiestway possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" .......
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Secret Love 10 years ago
This is hilarious! Only because it is the absolute truth!!
mowgli 12 years ago
Extra sweater, not seater…
mowgli 12 years ago
This is what a GF of mine wrote in response to your post:
"First of all: Forget the purse. It’s always too small, you never get everything you need into it, and you can’t wedge it between the cistern and the wall, as you can with a backpack! Backpacks are the solution for all girls who want to return "safe" from a restroom visit.
The pack ALWAYS contains:
Make-up, comb, cold water (to drink, remove make-up if you’re in a place w/o water, or to wash hands with if water cannot be obtained elsewhere), extra nylons (Nylons always runs shen you least expect it), leggings in the winter cause it can get cold), possibly extra knickers (undies) or diaper (depending on where you are in life) and a washcloth. The washcloth can be used for washing one’s private parts, blowing your nose, wiping after a bathroom visit or just have in preparation.
Now try and stuff all that into a purse! And, an extra seater can also come in handy in certain situations…"
She also furnished me with some tales of the worst restrooms she’d been to… Not for the peevish!
n/a 12 years ago
Once you start taking blood press pills, your life is not your own. Again? But, to live on a farm, the world is your urinal, and the side of the road is equally available. You seewt ladies have my sincere sympathy.
Or, you coaul just go ahead like we do, and cause a lot of commotion.
mowgli 12 years ago
Soo glad I am a male, in that respect (larger bladder, don’t have to sit down). Very well described!
Any morale? Wear diapers!
wandrin 12 years ago
And you ladies wonder why your line is long and slow?
Great visual though, LD. I almost felt like I was in the stall with you. Now that would have been a fun pee although it might have taken even longer.
It's also obvious that women don't know the Men's Restroom Rule.
NO TALKING FOR ANY REASON!
Men are quieter in a restroom than they are in a church.
Those lines are another reason why it's great to be a guy! Besides the fact of owning a bladder larger than a ping pong ball and and being smart enough to look before we sit down. Isn't that right guys?.
(I've got a feeling I'm gonna pay for this)
Macca 12 years ago
Good one, LD. Very descriptive - almost too descriptive, really! You see, you have to learn from all this. In future, make sure you take some Kleenex with you....oh, and a bottle of disinfectant for the level of seat-cleaning that you just know your mom would want you to do...a mop and bucket for the floor would be useful...oh, to heck with it, just get someone to drag a portable toilet around for you!!!
skybear -N Florida 12 years ago
I know it should not have been funny,,,, but your description of what took place was a hoot. Sorry but I had to comment.
The Engineer in me thought about making a device so you could pee standing up but google shows someone has beat me to the punch, actually there are several but here is a link to one. http://pee-zees.tripod.com/ there are also flush-able types also.
Thanks for the chuckle, I'll go stand in the corner now.
BTW, my weekend was incredible!
Cheers , Skybear