I made an entire entry and accidentally deleted it. Lesson learned, type in word and cut and paste into the blog. Felt it was worded perfectly. Here we go at another attempt...
I woke up this morning and upon leaving the front door I was aware that we experience so much pleasure in our lives. As I type this I am drinking a Triple IPA that is absolutely delicious. Pleasure. I recently read Emom’s story about Steffy and the music festival. It was a story about three young women and life's little discoveries along the way. Reading is a pleasure. Romance, comedy, informational, educational, you name it, you can ride a wave of pleasure.
Our psyche, mind, soul, and spirit, can experience so much pleasure. Friendships, romantic partners, a good movie, competitive sporting game, or board game can all lend themselves to pleasure. Setting goals and achieving them, pushing yourself and seeing what you are made of can be another pleasure.
Our bodies can be unequivocally pleasurable. A beautiful woman or attractive man, art, design, nature all ravish our eyes. Our sense of smell can be aroused by delightful foods, aromas, or those found in nature as well. Smell can transport us back to our mother’s kitchen when we smell cloves or chocolate chip cookies. Sounds of a loved one, a baby's coo, a favorite song or artist can be transporting. Taste can overwhelm with a good spirit, wine, or craft beer; food from any continent can satisfy every taste bud and then some. Our bodies feel. The touch of a loved one, a massage, sexual touch, first touches from your significant others in the past sent your body and psyche escalating.
An enema is complex. It can transport us back to being over our mother’s knee. The sights and sounds can send shivers down a spine. Anticipation, preparation, administration, giving or receiving, and release all reach parts of ourselves we cannot even begin to comprehend. An enema is very complex indeed. The power the bag and nozzle hold is incomprehensible.
People are complex. We can never be fully understood by others and I do not think we can fully understand ourselves even. We are far too complex. Why does something undesirable from childhood for many become a delight in the teen years or adulthood? How does a water filled bag create such pleasure in so many in their mind, body, and spirit?
The story I read from Emom had another character named Katie. Katie owned her enema use. She had a long trip and took an enema to relax. Self-care. Isn’t that what it is and can be? Yes. She was open, honest, and down-to-earth. I want to be like Katie.
I NEEDED to take a few enemas for this journey of self-discovery. I could not figure this out from afar. I had to draw close. Real close. My spouse was at a conference for a few days and I got the opportunity to take a few sessions. It was not sexual. There was excitement and anticipation but it was self-care. It was pleasurable but not sexual. The nozzle in my anus is pleasurable and the water as it fills my belly puts pressure on my prostate which is also pleasurable; I think this is part of what makes it so complex of an issue to investigate for me. Enemas and people are complex and this is where it gets confusing. Why? Why do I like enemas? It is hard to find the pulse but then again does it matter? Why do I like all the other things I like. Why did I need to examine this so much? I don’t examine other things I like this much. I think I needed to so I could own it. Own it like Katie in Emom’s story. Self-care. Me time. I don’t like massages or long baths but an enema...check!
Community, here on Zity, was a large part of this as well. The discussion posts, feedback from some of you, and my own willingness to process, explore, and participate became my liberation of years of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. The prison door opened and I walked out. I walked out.
My wife came home from the conference she was at and mentioned she was a little backed up. My response, “You should take an enema, really, it would solve your problem.” She was a hard no. Her loss. She asked if I did that while she was gone and I said, “Yes, a few.”
This really has been a journey to my pleasure. To accept it as it is. To own it. I feel like I am more me now than I have been. It is part of me and a part I should embrace. Not sure if this post did justice to the first one but this is me.
A quote that sums up this journey so far. Thanks Zity community!
“Toss away stuff you don’t need in the end, keep what’s important and know who’s your friend”